Year in LJ-review meme

With New Years on its way, I'm going to give that interesting year-end meme of reflecting on the first LJ entry of each month of the past year a try.

January: The last couple of days have been kind of difficult for me. I have been asked not to give details, but I recieved some bad news about someone very important to me, and I've been extremely upset.
2008 was a difficult year for my loved ones, with more significant trouble and sadness than any of my life. Most of the issues sadly have not been resolved even now; they are in part responsible for why my mood has been so fragile recently. But I, and the rest of us, are doing our best to handle them as bravely as we can. One positive note was this was the month of my second anniversary with Jared.

February: One of the greatest compliments I have ever been paid is to know that I have made men brave.
I was made to recognize this around this time. It remains true. It means more to me than I can say. Got into A Midsummer Night's Dream and was cast as Puck, and though that production was not without its difficulties, I was proud of us as a cast and glad I got the chance to do the part.

March: Friday night - All's Well That Ends - This really was an excellent game.
Heh, this was my Intercon report, and clearly I didn't waste any time getting right into things. This entry was the first of March but came fairly late in the month, due to how busy I was preparing for the con in the midst of schoolwork and other life responsibilities. This was an excellent Intercon, filled with fun and friends, and further cemented Intercon as a really precious event in my life. I spent most of this month working on larps as intensely as possible, since...

April: My Festival this year has been so enormous and I have so much so say about it that I'm going to do this report in installments.
...right next month comes Festival of the Larps. This was the single most significant larp event for my development as a contributing member of the larp community, what with running four games, three of them mine, two of them new. Finished Oz and Paranoia this month and they went very well. It was enormous, demanding, wonderful, and I feel I gained a lot from it. I also turned twenty-two this month.

May: Ah, it feels good to accomplish something. I just finished, printed, and handed in my ten-page final for the last class required for my double-major.
This was the month I graduated from Brandeis with a BA in English and Creative Writing. Here was my tentative entrance into the real world, with all the accompanying challenges, responsibilities, and fears.

June: Had a really great evening last night. Had a goth night out with Bernie and Marissa, and not only did I enjoy going out and playing pool, the company was incredibly nice.
Heh, went out to Dead Pool, and indulged my taste for random strangers telling me I'm drop-dead gorgeous. Bless their little hearts. Still, it was this month I was beginning to plunge into the intermittent depressed feeling that would follow me a lot this year. I also got into Macbeth, my first show at a real professional theater, and though it was just a small part I'm pleased that I could make it into a show where nobody already knew me.

July: Went to the Natcik Mall yesterday, mostly to have an interesting place to walk around. I'm not a big shopper, but I enjoy walking around places looking at things; it's really good exercise you don't really have to think about.
This was before I got my job, so I still had a lot of free time on my hands. I spent a lot of time walking because it helped me think. I was feeling kind of adrift around this time, frustrated with not feeling like I was doing anything with myself, and I didn't accomplish as much as I would have liked with all my free time. The sadness was starting to set in consistently and in earnest. Found myself avoiding the company of other a lot more. Still, some up points, including the excellent second run of Oz in honor of Jared's summer visit, and I started up my Burn Notice tabletop campaign.

August: From noon on till seven at night, I spent cooking for a dinner for in_water_writ and 1takejohnny since they're in town. I'm very pleased with myself.
This year I did a lot to develop my cooking skills, which has now become one of my most intense interests and favorite hobbies. Having my friends over for dinner has become a very important means of socialization for me, one I want to continue to grow with. Also, this was the month I got hired at Educational Development Center, an educational non-profit, my first real job out of college-- not ideal, but not terrible either. I also got invited to run Alice in Chicago, which went fantastically, and meant that I was starting to reach a wider audience and perform on a stage other than my home turf. Felt very proud of myself.

September: At long last I'm going to get to play in the Iron GM-winning game written by bronzite, londo, elenuial, and Eager Mike, (am I forgetting anyone? nyren?) A Midsummer Night and the Living is Easy.
I played Cadence the Banshee in this game and really enjoyed it. But this was a very tough month for me; some of the life-stressors became particularly pressing around this time, and I felt lower for September than I felt in a long time. It wasn't made any easier by the sudden surge of people insisting on involving themselves in my situation. As before, still many of these things are not totally dealt with, but I have since found ways to help cope with the bad stuff I have to live with. One of the few up moments was getting the honor of being asked to help write the Labor Wars with Nat, Susan, and Vito.

October: Perhaps some of you have heard me go off on one of my impassioned rants against that thing that has come to irritate me more and more lately-- stuff. You know, things, items, objects, physical bric-a-brac that seems to be increasingly cluttering up my life.
My increasing dislike of stuff as I age reaches critical mass. I have determined that I sincerely desire to minimize the amount of stuff in my life. This was the month that culminated with Romeo and Juliet, and while I was glad to have another show under my belt with the accompanying development there, the production was not overall a positive experience, and I think some permament damage may have resulted from it. Still, this is the month where I began to cope better with my struggles and became less easily inclined to sadness.

November: Halloween yesterday was wonderful, surrounded by friends in excellent costumes. Best evening I've had in a long time.
The day after the fantastic Halloween party I had, notably for its Team Fortress 2 costumes and for being the first large social gathering I genuinely enjoyed in some time. Attended a major larp event, SFS Live Action Weekend at WPI, where I successfully ran two of my games and had fun playing in two more. Also began plans to put on To Think of Nothing, including assembling a stellar cast who is very enthusiastic to begin. Feeling more back to normal than I have in a long time.

December: Recently it was pointed out to me that the sign that I have utterly dismissed someone as having completely lost my respect (whether just for the moment or more lastingly) is when I call them a child.
This exemplifies the my increasing tendency toward grouchiness. This has been the unfortunate trend for the year; I have had less patience and less mood stability than probably I've ever had in my life. But despite this I am doing better than I have in some months, if not exactly as even-keeled as I used to be, at least closer than I've been in a long time.

So, the verdict on the year. It's not been the easiest year for me. In addiction to a lot of ongoing personal problems, stepping of the comfortable environment of college and entering the real world has made things tough for me to maintain the emotional stability I used to have. I never thought of myself as moody before, but I have to admit that is what I seem to have become. But I'm doing my best to meet my challenges as bravely and responsibily as I can. I certainly accomplished a number of notable things. I was in three plays. I wrote two new larps and put on a total of six runs of various games. I've vastly improved my cooking skills. I got a job, have been holding it down, and have been able to support myself independently for the first time ever. I'm looking ahead now, applying to graduate schools, working on a new larp, and putting together a new play. I spent one more year with my love Jared.

I must count my blessings, and be aware that life isn't supposed to be easy. We were born to suffer and we live to fight for joy. This year has brought me both, because a full life should have both. So, as tough as 2009 has been, I am grateful for the experiences it has given me. Not sure what next year will bring, but I am musing now on what I'd like from it, and what I'd like from myself.