Festival 2012 Con Report, part I

Oh, beloved Festival.

Friday night was Jesriah, the new game from morethings5*, lightgamer*, and ninja_report*. I was not alone in regarding it as the most anticipated game of the con, and friends, it did not disappoint. I loved my character, a former pop diva who had been committed to the asylum against her will by her shady politician husband and felt completely used-up by the ripe old age of thirty-three. What was interesting was how I expected my game to be one thing from my sheet, and then a curve ball in the beginning turned it ninety degrees, adding a new and challenging dimension. There was a ton of things to do and explore, between the plots I had to pursue, the fascinating other characters I had to interact with, and the elaborate environment of the hospital around us. The atmosphere the GMs generated was great, a little creepy, a little sad, a little tense, like something was hanging over all of us. Despite it being set in the same universe as the earlier game, The Prince Comes of Age, it was remarkably different sort of game with a very different feel that still managed to incorporate cool throwbacks for players who'd played both. I had a great mystery to unravel, which is one of my favorite sort of larp plots, and I'm only sorry I didn't manage to dig up more. There was a long clue chain, and while I did get a fair bit along the way there was a ton more still left to dig up. I was also lucky to have a fantastic group of larpers to play with, which always makes a game better. If you want something dark, atmospheric, and psychologically thrilling, this is a great choice; I highly recommend it.

The next morning on Saturday I ran my third solo game The Stand. This was going to be interesting because I had a lot of relatively inexperienced people in this run. niobien* and Daniel Burns have played about five and Prentice a bit more than that, while this was katiescarlett29*'s third and the first for Sara Brande and Samantha LeVangie. I am very invested in bringing more people into the community, so I wanted very much for them to have a good time. But fortunately I think this is one of the best runs we've ever had. I think plots were more fully explored in this run than ever, even some that got off to slow starts. I just need to make sure that certain character connections get made so they can share their information and start working together, and it also helped that I spoke to a couple of the savvier players (usernamenumber* in particular) to let them know they may need to let their own secrets out. I also have to thank morethings5* for AGMing, even with everything else he had going on. He had this great idea to incorporate the Bear Man from the new True Grit movie (which the whole GM team are fans of) as this wandering figure out on the map who, while being an interesting weird encounter, also proved a way to inject information into the game about things that happened outside of town. I am writing the Bear Man in as a permanent NPC and codifying the things he knows so as to allow him to help the game keep moving. So I am really happy with this run. Thank you, awesome players who were awesome, especially you newbies who all did so well!

The afternoon was tightly scheduled for SLEEP LIKE DEAD time. And oh, Jesus, am I glad that I slept like dead.

To be continued in part 2!

Productivity machine

I was a productive little worker Bee over the last few days. I set several goals for myself to accomplish this weekend and I believe I managed every one of them. What I have done includes:

- Finishing my first assignment for screenwriting
- Writing an additional scene for Tailor
- Incorporating ten thousand steps of walking into my routine
- Making headway into my sewing text
- Starting the first Hipster Feminist plot line
- Cleaning my room

I have also consumed several gallons of apple cider in an effort to stave off my chronic dehydration, but that's probably not an accomplishment so much.

Still that leaves a number of things. First and foremost, I need to do my first assignment for science fiction and fantasy. Unfortunately I put this off a lot in favor of the screenwriting assignment, so I don't have a ton of time left for this. I'll chunk this out better for the second round of assignments.

I also really have to edit that additional scene for Tailor. In my desire to just get it done, I broke with my usual pattern of tweaking as I go and instead just banged out the scene from start to finish. Jared and Kindness were the first to read it, and they both gave the extremely spot-on criticism that there isn't enough conflict in the scene. There needs to be more of a struggle for the information to come out, as it is information Kenneth would want to conceal. Plus, conflict raises tension, always necessary for drama. Kenneth is the character Jared is playing, and in the course of developing his performance he tends to internalize a very well-defined idea of who his character is, and Kenneth just spilling his guts wasn't in the conception he'd gotten of the man. Kindness is a man of excellent artistic taste, who I thank for being Palamon-like enough to give it to me straight, both on the positives and the negatives of what he sees in my pieces. I was lucky they were my first responders to the scene, because now I know what I have to do to fix it.

Now that I've taken the plunge and begun the first-ever tweet chain plot for Hipster Feminist, I need to be on top of where the action's going. I am now two tweets in, so there's no going back. ;-) I haven't done as much working out of the storyline or the tweets illustrating thereof as I would have liked, so I have to get on it. They tend to come out funnier when I come up with them in advance and I can tweak them into optimum shape.

Jonathan Kindness as Rowan Loring

Last night I had the honor of having morethings5* over to record his part for Tailor of Riddling Way. Kindness is one of those actors that I will go out of my way to work with. Having cast him in Hamlet, To Think of Nothing, and now Tailor, I have included Kindness in more of my dramatic projects than any actor excepting only Jared and Steph. I like his style, and I like the way we click as actor and director. He's very receptive to ideas, but also inventive and able to extrapolate; when he is so inspired he springs off of what you told him in a way that makes the character more real to him, and thus gets a better portrayal from him. He has a way of GETTING characters, of absorbing all their complexities and blending them into a cohesive whole that takes them all in account and balances them. While most actors that I've worked with tend to shoot for a particular performance, he is more experimental, trying this and that to see what effect it has and how he feels about it before settling on his ultimate approach.

I wanted him for the part of Rowan Loring for two major reasons. First, the sound of his voice; he has a cultured, even-toned voice that I thought would convey a man of manners, breeding, and integrity. Secondly, it was different than anything I'd cast him before, which as you all know I love to do sometimes. His previous roles with me were Rosencrantz and Palamon, the first one played totally for laughs and the second one a humorous voice of satire. I liked the idea of having him play someone who made his point straightforwardly, but still felt bound by his personal code; Palamon, by contrast, is a truth speaker who uses jokes and irony to express himself, and does not feel obligated by convention. Rowan is my Honorable Man in this story whose only fault was that he stuck so closely to his code that had to place the needs of those he loved in the secondary position.

Jonathan did a fantastic job last night; I was incredibly pleased with the performance he gave. I found it interesting that he would mark his script to give himself cues as he read, delineating beats, transitions, and extremes. I'm always interested in process-of-the-artist stuff, so I thought that was cool. Also, best of all, he is an unusually good self-editor. He would record the piece, listen to it, and hear the places where he wasn't satisfied or where he wasn't feeling like he was giving me what I wanted. He would then use his observations  to improve himself on the second pass through. I've rarely worked with actors with that capability to critique their own performance. And of course, he is wonderful to work with, which makes me enjoy having him in my projects even more.

This is him at my fancy party, but he's kind of Rowanish here, I think. :-)

Biweekly Theater Writing Challenge #11.2 - Another scene from The Tailor of Riddling Way

I have settled on a new project I am very excited about. In order to scratch the theater-making itch without having to deal with organizing all the details of a production and a long rehearsal period, I have decided to make an audio drama. The script is coming along nicely, a sort of old-fashioned mystery I call The Tailor of Riddling Way. I still have to learn about the conventions of the genre, and figure out the technical logistics, but the script is coming along well. Here is another piece that I composed over the course of today. I've cast a handful of the number of roles I am going to need voices for, and this piece features Rowan Loring, the character I want for the talented . One of the best parts of dramatic writing is casting the people whose acting I like, and I am already excited just imagining it now.

ALICE: This house has always been full of secrets.

MRS. WARREN: I’m sure that’s no business of mine.

ALICE: But you’ve been with our family for years now.

MRS. WARREN: Yes, Miss Alice.

ALICE: Surely you remember something?

MRS. WARREN: Oh, I don’t know, Miss Alice.

ALICE: Please, Mrs. Warren… I just… please…

TOM: Mrs. Susan Warren, isn’t it?

MRS. WARREN: Yes, it is.

TOM: Are you by any chance a relation of Robbie Warren over on Deer Hill?

MRS. WARREN: Why, yes! He’s my nephew. Do you know him?

TOM: Him and my big brother used to be thick as thieves.

MRS. WARREN: Your brother is Luke Barrows? He and Robbie used to steal pies off my windowsill!

TOM: They always were rascals.

MRS. WARREN: How is Luke nowadays?

TOM: Very well; after the war he decided to stay in Europe. He’s got a nice English wife and a fine fat baby boy.

MRS. WARREN: Ah, God bless him. Lots of good young men never made it through that war.

ALICE: Like my father.

MRS. WARREN: Yes, miss. A true gentleman.

ALICE: He was a great hero.

MRS. WARREN: (Hesitantly) He was indeed, miss…

TOM: Yes? What is it?

MRS. WARREN: It’s just… everyone thought so well of Master Rowan, doing his duty by the country and all.

TOM: Of course. The family must have been proud of him.

MRS. WARREN: That’s just it. That’s what they said to everyone… but when he was shipping out, Mister Reginald didn’t want to let him go.

TOM: I suppose it’s natural for a man to be afraid for his son going off to war.

MRS. WARREN: Yes, but it wasn’t just like that.

ALICE: How do you know?

MRS. WARREN: Because… I heard them one night. It must have been the night that Master Rowan told his father he was enlisting. I was clearing the table after dinner. They were in Mister Reginald’s study, but I could hear them shouting, and soon they were moving through the house.

            (Flashback effect.)

REGINALD: You will not, sir! I forbid it!

ROWAN: I am a grown man, Father, you can forbid me nothing. Besides, it’s already done. I am an enlisted man. I ship out for France by the end of the month.

REGINALD: Have you lost your mind?

ROWAN: Have you lost yours? Do you know what it is you’ve done? You have made a deal with the devil!

REGINALD: You are being a naïve fool, Rowan. This is for the best interests of the family. Would you see us in ruins?

ROWAN: Some things are worth more than that, Father.

REGINALD: So you’ll throw your life away on some Godforsaken beach, for what? For principle? To teach me a Sunday school lesson?

ROWAN: Someone must do the right thing. If it will not be you, then it will be me.

REGINALD: This is madness! You are not some unoccupied gutter trash, you have responsibilities here!

ROWAN: I will have none of any obligations to you.

REGINALD: Your wife is expecting your first child!

ROWAN: I will not have that child growing up ashamed of the family it came from! There will be one Loring man that will not disgrace the name.

REGINALD: There will be no such thing!

ROWAN: Don’t be so certain. You’ll have to make good on your devil’s bargain soon enough.

REGINALD: What do you mean?

ROWAN: Just that we reap what we sew, dear Father.

REGINALD: If you think that you are going to do something—

ROWAN: And when that time comes, I will not be paying along with you. Oh, good evening, Mrs. Warren.

MRS. WARREN: Excuse me, sirs.

ROWAN: Not at all, Mrs. Warren. If you would be so good, I’ll be needing my train cases cleaned. I shall soon have some packing to do.

MRS. WARREN: Of course, Master Rowan.

ROWAN: Many thanks, madam. And now— goodnight, father.

REGINALD: This is not over, boy—

ROWAN: I said, goodnight.

            (Footsteps walking away. Door closes. Flashback effect.)

KINDNESS WAS PUSHED

Had a lovely evening discussing matters for Merely Players with members of the cast, and generally having a nice time shooting the shit. In the course of it a certain joke Lenny cracked recently came up, regarding her culpability in a certain costar unexpectedly vacating the typical performance space. We believe we should put on a T-shirt. In reference to those conspiracy-theory meme shirts, I have generated this design.



Or would it be funnier as "Gloucester was pushed"? Opinions, please!

Love to Jonathan, whom we talked of glowingly all night long, love to Lenny, the brilliant company who made the joke, and love to Hold Thy Peace, which has given us fabulous stories and good friends to recount them with. <3

Bedroom vanity, Mk2

I wasn't planning to post about this again twice in one day, but I'm just so pleased!

I hung the mirror on the wall with monkey hooks and a length of 18-gauge mirror wire. Monkey hooks are cool, they're meant to be hand-pressed into drywall and slide up behind so that a tiny little hooked tail sticks out of the wall for hanging supported by a long, upward-curving top. I placed the hooks just a smidge lower than I meant to, meaning the table has to go just a little bit in front of it, but it still looks very nice. Even, too! The wire allowed for fine adjustment.

What pleases me most of all is how the table came out. A while ago morethings5* very thoughtfully gave me a bag of various wood stains and sealants. This was just the nicest thing for me, as I have a deep love for the look of stained wood and have used them for a number of projects since, like the coffee table in my living room. For this one, I compared the samples on the labels of each color of stain to the wood of my bedroom set, but found none of them really matched. So I decided to try combining them by layers to see if two together might work. I first used a ruddy color called Sedona Red and allowed that to dry. Then I layered over it with a much darker shade of Walnut. I had to bring it back upstairs to compare it with the frame of the mirror, and look at the result! It's a damn near match! How about that? :-D

I am ridiculously pleased. All that remains now is to seal it with a nice protective polyurethane finish. There's a couple of those to choose from in my lovely gift from Jonathan. Then I will have a perfect bedroom vanity! I love house decorating stuff.

Musings on beauty standards across the genders

 
This piece is a little disjointed, and doesn't really make a strong point, but here's a little bit of feminist rambling that's been in my head recently.A huge part of gender inequality is when there is an expectation of one gender that there isn't of another. For example, in this country there is much more social pressure on women to be physically beautiful in order to be valuable than there is on men, and the standards a woman must meet in order to be considered beautiful are much stricter than any set for men. This inequality troubles me, but I think I'm even more bothered by wondering whether or not I perpetuate it.

Though it's by no means a firm rule, to a large extent I buy into the purported female beauty standard. Thought not sexually drawn to women myself, I tend to most enjoy looking at those women who conform to it, and I certainly strive to cultivate it in myself. But in the men I'm attracted to, there is way, way less of a pattern. I may be able to say I tend to find women most beautiful when they're sleekly-built and delicate-featured, but even if I described what I might think of as my male beauty ideal-- strong-built, traditionally masculine, features on the broader and squarer side --that has hardly defined what men I ended up feeling attracted to. Hell, I can name features I actively don't like that I have not minded and not seen as a detraction in the slightest on certain men.

It bugs me that in feeling this way I might be holding women to a higher, more difficult standard than men. Sure, part of it may be that I like a dichotomy. I like women one way and I like men another; I tend to not, for example, like excessively delicate features on men whereas I might fine the same pretty on a woman. I guess when you like a dichotomy you can't expect that the same standards could apply to both. But it bothers me that some of those things that I like in women require a lot more work of than the things I like in men. Body hair removal, for example. I despise body hair on myself. But on men, well, even if I don't specifically like it, I guess it doesn't really bother me. On the other hand, even if we say I like thin women and muscular men, and that still usually involves extra effort and work put in to their appearence since they probably don't look that way naturally. In that sense the standard and expectation is the same. But a man who is a little bit chunky gets a lot less criticism for it than a woman who might be the same amount chunky. Again I, and the rest of society, tend to make the man's beauty a nice bonus to gettting the Attractiveness status while the women's beauty is a requirement for it.

I remember back during the height of The Sopranos' popularity that James Gandalfini, the actor who played the boss main character Tony Soprano, became an extremely mainstream sex symbol. I was quite shocked. Can you possibly imagine this happening with a middle-aged, overweight, not-conventionally-attractive woman? Not in a million years. The handful of female sex symbols who've held that status into their forties and beyond were the ones that kept their figures and didn't look their age. Of course, nobody said James Gandalfini was beautiful. They just thought he was sexy because of his attitude, his bearing, any number of intangible things that women latched onto. Because in our society, it's a hell of a lot easier for men to be unbeautiful and still attain that status than it is when you're a woman.

Sometimes I think that if I were a straight man I'd be an awful one. Assuming in that case I'd be attracted to the same sort of things I find beautiful in myself, my notions of feminine beauty would be pretty unfairly demanding. I wouldn't be able to keep a girlfriend because I'd probably make her feel awful about herself. "Sure, honey, of course you could stand to lose a few pounds. Wait, where you going?" "Hmm, been a couple days since you shaved, huh? Hey, come back!" It's not quite so bad if I'm just applying exacting criticism to myself, but I think I'd be disgusted with myself if I insisted on it from anyone else. Especially since I don't have nearly as exacting standards for attractiveness in men. Yeah, he might have this feature I'm not objectively into, or something that's obviously less than my ideal notion of attractiveness, but it doesn't really affect the fact that I am attracted to him anyway. With women, though, I'm much more likely to fixate on little imperfections.

I remember having a conversation with morethings5* (one of my best feminism-talking buddies) once about how critical we could be about the appearances of people of our own gender, noticing all kinds of little flaws that could compromise an assessment of that person as "beautiful," and wondering if that tendency would remain constant if we were attracted to that gender. But he thought that if we switched genders, our critical targets would switch too; if I were a man, my harsher standard of beauty would apply to men, and I wouldn't need perfection to be attracted to a woman, while he would be the same with the opposite. His point being, I think, that attraction may be influenced by a lot of things, but we tend to be drawn to the whole rather than the sum of the parts.

I hope Jonathan is right. I hope that this doesn't mean I've actually really internalized that men are just fine as they are, but women need to conform to an extremely narrow beauty standard that they must go to great lengths to alter themselves to fit. I hope it's that when attractiveness is a personally relevant question on the table, you tend to answer yes or no, but when that's not an issue on the table you focus more on the parts because the whole has less impact on you.

I was out a little while ago with Steph and Chris Knight, and when the subject of male and female expectations of beauty came up in passing, Chris said something that I thought was a profoundly insightful way to conceptualize it. Basically, he said from his perspective men care about the broad strokes of a woman's appearence, and don't really pay attention to, or worry about, the details. They might want to see a woman with a particular nice shape, but they don't notice the small imperfect lumps and bumps. Or they might prefer a woman with shaved legs, but they don't notice a little stubble or a few missed hairs. The details aren't important, just the general effect.

I actually like thinking of it that way. I mean, you can make all the jokes you want bitching about how we pretty ourselves up for men in countless little ways and then they don't even have the presence of mind to notice it. But I like the notion that while there is a desire for us to be attractive, being just "attractive" is absolutely good enough, and we don't have to worry about being perfect. Because in the real world, perfect isn't a necessary component to being attractive. It makes the expectations less oppressive, because it eases the sense of demand laid on us. Pretty or attractive is attainable. Perfection is not, and in that paradigm the burden of the unattainable is not placed on us.

In case this doesn't go without saying, I don't feel like enjoying, or desiring, pretty is a bad thing. It shouldn't be the ONLY thing we enjoy or desire, but I think it's normal and acceptable thing to like. The problem comes in, in my opinion, when the value placed on pretty supercedes the value of other things that are more important, or becomes the sole indicator of value. And it's particularly troublesome to me when that not only happens but is applied to one gender but not the other. Hell, I am bothered especially by the notion that a Valuable Man must be smart, strong, brave, and good, while a Valuable Woman must be smart, strong, brave, good, and BEAUTIFUL.

See the relationship between Jaime and Brienne in A Song of Ice and Fire for a fantastically observantly-written example of this phenomenon in our culture. Brienne is AWED by Jaime, even though at first she thinks he's a monster, because he's an extremely beautiful man. Since our sensibilities state that men are not required to be beautiful in order to be Valuable, Jaime's beauty makes him seem ABOVE AND BEYOND even simple Valuable status; to her, he's almost superhuman. She regarded Renly, also a remarkably beautiful man, the same way. And Jaime, in turn, is fascinated by the extremity of Brienne's ugliness, because sensibilities dictate that for a woman to be Valuable she MUST be beautiful. To not only be not beautiful but to be downright UGLY makes her almost subhuman.

One thing I know makes me feel better is when the standards are the same regardless of gender, even if though standards might in themselves be high. I was messing around on the Internet looking idly for pictures of Chris Evans (shut up) and one thing struck me. Well, two things, the first of which being I am significantly less attracted to him when he's not Captain America. The second thing, though, was that in various pictures of him, it became clear that he normally has a fair bit of body hair. But for his role as Cap, they waxed his chest. I am a little bit embarrassed to confess that this possibility did not even occur it me, though it totally should have. *eye roll* But I found that to be an interesting moment of equalization for me. I am a lot less bothered by the idea that PEOPLE are considered prettier when they don't have body hair than when it's an expectation that is only applied to women. Again, it's fine to enjoy looking at pretty things, but what's good for the goose should be good for the gander. It's really not fair to say that women are only attractive one way while men can be attractive lots of different ways.

I would like my sensibilities to fall somewhere in the middle. That yeah, maybe we all do look better if we go to some lengths such as shaving or something like that, but even when we don't that doesn't mean we aren't still attractive, aren't still desirable-- both women and men. And maybe throw in there that if men can be desirable even if they're not pretty, then we need to expand that so that society starts to internalize that women can be too.

Let's write more stuff for Palamon

So last night I did some serious work on my blank verse writing assignment. I don't know how good it is, but it's something, it's an honest effort with some substance to it. But I kind of like the topic at least, because I am writing about the conflict between Palamon, the fan favorite character from To Think of Nothing, and the younger brother of his who craves his approval.

There is a quick mention of a person in To Think of Nothing named Zephyrus as someone who attended an earlier show written by Cassander. Zephyrus is, in fact, Palamon's younger brother, who, to create contrast with his sibling, I decided is an actor who wants and never feels he gets the approval of the renowned theater critic he's related to. With that in mind, stuck for something to write about, I decided to write about the brothers working their crafts against one another.

I love the character of Palamon, It's weird to say about your own character, who hopefully ends up as whatever you designed him to be, but I find him so fun and charming and funny with an honesty that cuts through the bullshit to the bone, and I love it. This is shaped not only by my own intentions but by the fabulous performance of morethings5*. Nobody could have played him more perfectly than Kindness, whose rendition made the character loveable, amusing, and yet still with that sharp incisiveness that gives him weight in addition to his comedy.

There you have it, the only one with the guts to sit in Cassander's chair. I just want to write reams and reams about him, so I've been craving a chance to use him in something again. And I'm amused by the fact that I'm writing him to speak in blank verse. I will post the results when I'm finished, which knowing me will likely not be before Friday, the last possible day I have to work on it.

I also need to get started on my regular playwrighting assignment. I was struck today with the notion to use two characters from The Stand, of all places. A PC and an NPC, the one who kind of captured my imagination and made me think there could be all kind of cool stories written about him. I can't work on that until I finish the stuff with the more pressing deadline, but that could be interesting to work on as well. Heh, though I think it would be spoilery for those who have not played the game.

Dia de los Sobres report

We ran Resonance first in the day. It was a decent run, though I think we had the slight problem of characters not knowing entirely what to do with themselves. The scenes seemed to go well and to engage everyone, but returning to the present situation I'm not sure everyone saw a clear direction for themselves. Because of that I have somewhat mixed feelings about how well it went. I hope the players enjoyed themselves, or at least found it an interesting experience.

One player was running late, and that was the first time we got to test the modularity of the game. In theory the game was supposed to be able to handle less than a full complement of players, but we'd never actually had that happen before. My first instinct was to go through and cut out one character from each round of scenes, which when I looked through them I was fairly certain could be done smoothly. But Jared was smarter than me and said, why doesn't a GM just NPC the extra character? That worked just fine, especially since we had a large number of GMs anyway, and allowed us to run the casting mechanic for that player until he showed. It was a shame he missed that part of it, and didn't actually get to select his character for himself, but it kept the game on track. 

I also decided, after watching Bernie work to throw one together during runtime, to see if I could put together an automated casting document to speed up the process. Basically we needed something that can assemble letters that each represent a casting marker into a two separate three-letter codes, then spit out which characters correspond with those codes. It took a lot of screwing around and learning new things about Excel, but after learning how to use the Concatenate and Lookup formulas, I put together something that I think works. It's a bit kludgey, like everything technological I do, but as long as you don't examine how it's put together it seems slick enough, and, more to the point, serves the purpose.

After running Resonance I played in Stars Over Atlantis. I really enjoyed this game, and found it to be as well-written as I hoped it to be. Let me say to everyone who was confused by the blurb (like I was) and slightly weirded out hearing about the BDSM club setting and the aggressive non-normativity (like I was), the story is really deep and fascinating and not hung up on the weird stuff. I absolutely loved the inner conceit of the plot, so unraveling it in all its complexity was a blast. One of my favorite things to do in a larp in figure out what went on with the story, and where it will go from here. 

One of the things that amused me most was how radically different my portrayal of my character became as compared to what I planned. I was playing a fantasy author meddling in things she was insatiably curious about but didn't really understand, and I had thought to behave as a smug but superificially pleasant jerk who thought she knew everything and of course could handle whatever she might dig up. Instead I found myself acting as a loud, self-absorbed wag nosing into everyone's business and mockingly shooting my mouth off. It worked, I think, but wow, was that a role that got away from me.

I also must commend morethings5* and lightgamer* for being particularly awesome in the game. Matt was crosscast in a fairly plot-significant and emotionally weighty role, and I was really impressed with how he carried it off. Kindness was in a role that had a lot to do with my part, and he is always a joy to interact with; he is one of the few people I will put down on my casting questionnaires as somebody with whom I'm comfortable having just about any kind of interaction, no matter how intense. Props also to pezzonovante* for just being great to larp with as well; we had some good conversations and he was wonderful to bounce ideas off of. And of course, thanks to wired_lizard* and mllelaurel*, the authors of this fabulous game. The concept is really cool and the writing is spectacular. I'm glad a got a chance to play, especially when it probably wasn't the sort of game I'd seek out in other circumstances.

"We did acrobatic interpretations of Russian novels. I spent 7 hours on a trapeze in a overcoat."

The Burn Notice game went well last night. I felt especially good going into this one, partially because I was so excited to get back to this game, and partially because I was feeling very well-prepared. Jared and I had hammered out a particularly well-thought-out storyline this time around. While normally I do try to be very thorough, I usually have some gaps in what I've settled on that need to be filled in on the fly, but for this plot things were about as fleshed out as they possibly could be. I have Jared's help to thank for that.

Probably the thing I love best about this game is how the players play off of each other. The original three, Bernie, Matt, and Kindness, have established these awesome relationships between their characters that they roleplay so well together. And even better, before long Michael was clicking into it too, and I had an entire table to fun, funny, dynamic players who did interesting things, had fabulous interactions, and interspersed so much humor between the more serious plot moments of the game. Seeing as getting that going was my whole purpose in starting up the game, I am ridiculously pleased.

I still sometimes think I'm the world's lamest GM, given that I forget stuff like action dice and sometimes have to say, "Okay, GM break time," then go hide in the bathroom and rock back and forth muttering "What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?" But of course, there is no scenario you can entirely plan out, because players always always do things you don't necessarily expect. Still, I think I did a good job of expanding the concepts I already had to give responses to the actions they took. The one thing I'm a little disappointed with myself over is how I handled the investigation of the red herring in the plot. They were supposed to look into it and figure out that it wasn't actually the solution to the mystery, but unfortunately I couldn't find a way to tie in any actually useful clue into that investigation. I guess that's not unrealistic, but I didn't want the players to feel as if they'd wasted all that time. Not sure they did, but I think I could have handled it a little more skillfully.

What I want to do from here is activate more of the personal and meta-plots for the characters. I planted a couple of seeds for future things here and there, but they need to start factoring in. That will require a lot more planning on my part, but it will make the story and world so much richer.

Cream halter dress

During a rare break I had between classes during residency week, I wandered around the area near to Porter Square and discovered a really neat little vintage shop called Raspberry Beret. I can never resist a thrift store, so I had to go in and look around. I discovered in my rummaging a lovely cream-colored dress with gold brocade-like detailing that had the good fortune to come in my size. So, for about thirteen dollars, I got to take this pretty thing home. Here is a picture of it on me.

I really like this dress. I love the details, like the shape of the bust, the way it joins in the center almost like a bow, the band at the waist, and the halter styling, with big long ties that join behind the neck. Here is a closeup of the bodice.

I also think I like it because it reminds me of the white dress I wore as Cordelia. It too was made of a sort of brocaded fabric, though all in white, with a close-fitting bodice and a skirt that came out in fullness at the waist, and the same sort of halter back. It was a costume from the Brandeis theater department found by Marissa, a complete mess of safety pins and lousy snaps, but its design was lovely and I loved wearing it. There aren't many pictures of me in it, and the few that exist have it covered by a black shawl to hide its imperfections, but maybe this will give you an idea of the similarity.

I like it so much that I was seriously tempted to wear it to the wedding I went to on Sunday, but did not because wearing white/ivory/cream would be a huge gaucherie unless the bride specifically says it's okay. Still, I found myself wondering what she would be wearing despite my better instincts. And of course she showed up in a a very sharp suit with a brown tie and a green shirt (matching that of the groom, I might add.) I should have known. Still, it would not have been classy to wear it. So yesterday, morethings5* was kind enough to ask me to sit for him to sketch me, giving me a chance both to have my vanity flattered (I love being his model!) and to wear my new pretty thing that probably won't get to come out and play all that often. Thanks, Jonathan! A pleasure as always, and your company was of course lovely.

The only thing I'm not sure I like about it is the little fluffy trim made of some kind of netting attached along the bottom of the skirt. It may compromise the elegance of the rest of the dress for me, so I'm considering removing it. Still, Jared likes it, and doing that means I might ruin the really nice blind hem it's got going. Not sure I could put it back in so neatly and cleanly. Maybe I'll leave it, I haven't decided yet. But overall I really love the dress, and hope there's some event or play or larp I get to wear it for in the near future.

Larpercalia con report

Now for my actual reviews of my experience of Larpercalia as a participant rather than as con chair! Spoilers are minimal.

Friday night was Prince Comes of Age, a game the production of which I had heard a great deal. It is, as you may know, set in the larger campaign setting made up by morethings5*, and in fact included larp versions of five PCs of a game he ran a few years ago. I had a blast in this one as a secretly scheming character who was playing several sides against one each other. One of my favorite things to do in a larp is weave an elaborate lie to achieve my ends that everyone buys into, and that is exactly what happened here. Great interactions included my drug-dealing ne'er-do-well date played by Michael Hyde, and speaking very very earnestly to hazliya* in ways that served me and actually did kind of help her despite the fact that I told many, many lies. :-) I highly recommend this game, written by Kindness, Bernie, and Matt to excellent collaborative effect. There is a lot going on and the writing is very well done, though I think the character sheets could stand some pruning-- there is a little over-enthusiastic background scene-setting that is a bit too verbose. And for those of you who were afraid everyone else would be supporting cast to the characters of that campaign's PCs, worry not, the storylines are well-balanced.

Here is me and my date, Ferlis, who spent most of the evening either high or facilitating the getting of others high.



Saturday morning was the second run of my newest solo game, The Stand. The game went well enough and pretty much everyone told me they had fun, but frankly I thought the Intercon run went better. The first time around nearly all the secrets came out except for maybe two, while in this there was a lot more plot that simply failed to materialize. I was especially disappointed that so little of the emotion-heavy plot that would have been bronzite* 's did not come to be, as it's some of my favorite in the game. One thing that may be to blame was that people seemed really low-energy, too tired from the late night before. Also, as solid as the game may be, I don't think anyone was really excited about the concept. They signed up for it because it sounded neat enough and probably on the strength of my name, as I've built up a pretty decent reputation by now. That's flattering, to be sure, but I don't think anyone really sunk their teeth into the concept. I confess I'm slightly disappointed, as the game is extremely full and well-constructed and I think really demonstrates how much I've grown as a larp writer, which I'm not sure really showed through in this run. Ah, well.

Saturday afternoon I played Ruins of Grandeur by Bernie, Matt, Kindness, and Michael, which I really wanted to like. Unfortunately my particular piece of it was fatally flawed in the design and could not function in the game. I'm really sorry I had such a low time, but all my tricks to get engaged failed me. I think by and large people enjoyed it, but my casting was so broken that I had very few hooks into the plot and literally zero power with which to make anything happen. I'm usually the kind of player who can make something up if her character is a little thin and find a way to have my own good time, but when I tried that absolutely no one really met me on anything I did. I wish I could speak to the overall story, but I saw so little of it that I'm afraid I can't give an opinion. I think most people really liked this game and had a good time, but my character must be completely overhauled before they ever run it again.

Saturday night I ran the most recent game I wrote with Alleged, the experimental larp Resonance, and this time it went amazing. At Intercon natbudin* and I were slightly disappointed with how things went-- we had a fairly gamist set of players who didn't seem to really get that the story is supposed to be allowed to unfold to make for an emotional experience, rather than a problem to be solved. This time we didn't have that problem at all. Our group here went with it smooth as you could be; I especially enjoyed their conversations sharing information and trying to speculate on what it meant. Among many others, in_water_writ* was amazing with a character completely against her type, and rigel* fascinatingly stepped into a leadership role. I spent much of the game watching Jared, curious for his reaction, and was pleased to see him leap into the concept wholeheartedly and beautifully act his parts. At the dead dog, bleemoo* gave us the great compliment of saying it may be the best game he's ever played. I am incredibly pleased with it this time around, and consider it proof that our concept is capable of working out the way we wanted it to.

Sunday afternoon I zonked around consuite and tried not to pass out. So, despite some ups and downs, I consider this to be a typically awesome Festival weekend, made even better by the knowledge that I put it all together. Hope you all had a great time, and will be joining us there next year!

Grateful

It is incredibly hard for me to ask for help, from anyone, with anything. I feel like if I have a problem, especially if it's my own fault I have that problem, it's my responsibility to fix it. I hate to be irresponsible, or weak, or incapable, and I hate to impose on or take anything from anyone else. I get ashamed when there are witnesses to my screwup, or worse, my inability to handle it myself. And even when seeking help is otherwise reasonable or acceptable in all other ways, there's always part of me that can't help but think, "Why would anyone want to help me?"

Bernie, Matt, and Jonathan dug my car out for me. It was an incredibly kind and loving thing to do, and it means more to me than I can say that they were willing to do it. I am inexpressibly grateful.

Thank you.

Domm'd

Played in Leash this past Saturday. I must say, though I had my reservations, I ended up really enjoying it. My character had a strong BDSM element to it, and while I was not bothered by that fact, I knew it was going to take some boldness on my part to be able to act like that toward other people in public without feeling totally embarrassed. But I relished the acting challenge of contrasting that part of the character with her normal quiet, more goody-goody personality, so I figured there was no point in doing it if I didn't do it all the way. Jared helped me make a costume that would be easily hidden under my big old rust-colored suede blazer (really need to get that thing tailored), and I decided that it would be best if I arranged with someone who I was comfortable with and vice versa to have a little scene. I settled on morethings5 as a personal who fit that bill, and would make the scene interesting. So, though I had a wee bit of trepidation, in the end I just went for it.

Looks like I got over my reservations, I guess. :-) And Jonathan was an excellent scene partner. Thank you, dear, for rolling with me! I also ended up going off on bleemoo*, with whom I did NOT confer beforehand, but I think that turned out okay as well! Again, thanks for being such a good sport!

Beyond that, the game is good overall, with good plot and lots of reasons for characters to interact. I like how the powers and mechanics were just very flowy, and yet did not interfere too much with each other. I liked it very much and would recommend it, provided you're comfortable with dark and mature themes. There was more intense stuff than just my character's, and a lot of it was kind of twisted, but I enjoy that stuff so it didn't bother me. So my compliments, hazliya* and elenuial*! I am suddenly now particularly interested in Better Off Dead when it runs at Festival, but I doubt I will have time for it with all my other committments. :-(

Also, on Sunday I played in Lise's FantasyCraft game. The mystery is really starting to emerge, and I think the plot she designed is really very clever. I love being Ophelia and getting to say inappropriate things. I also am really happy about the company being who it is, which makes the game even better. Jared tagged along to the game this time and then we all went out to dinner afterward, which was lovely. All in all, this was a fantastic weekend full of lovely lovely gaming.

Awesome Independence Day

Had a wonderful Fourth of July weekend. Went to a fantastic party with Bernie, lightgamer*, and morethings5*, who are some of my favorite people to do anything with, let alone going to fun parties. I had a blast at this same party last year, and so was really really looking forward to going to this year's. My excitement grew when shortly before the day, captainecchi* sent out an e-mail saying we could swim in the lake if we brought our swimsuits! I was so happy we did; that was the first time I'd been swimming in over a year, and it was a lot of fun. My poor bikini doesn't get to come out and play often enough! We swam and canoed and explored islands and I didn't get the whole story but I'm pretty sure Kindness beat a bear into submission with his bare fists. ;-) It was cool. Then we came back to the house where electric_d_monk* grilled up some fantastic burgers, hot dogs, and corn on the cob. I had made my "inaccessible rice," as some are wont to call it, with the golden raisins, pecans, mint, and scallions and brought it along. And because the beef in the burgers was locally grown, lightgamer* actually got to eat one! I was happy for him, since they were damn good burgers, and I am sorry when anyone can't enjoy deliciousness. Then there were board games, fantastic strawberry shortcake, and morethings5* sweetly offering to learn how to brush out my hair. The party was a blast, the food was excellent, the company was great, and it was also lovely getting to spend time with captainecchi* and electric_d_monk*. Thanks to our gracious hosts for having such a fun gathering!

Marissa moved into Elsinore on the Fourth as well. Unfortunately I was at the party when she got in, and due to feeling sick and gross with the heat the next day I did not so much welcome her as spend the day hiding from all human contact like a small wild animal. I shall have to rectify that soon. I may also have to take steps to rectify the intense heat situation in my bedroom. For some reason, no matter what the weather, my room is always the mostly extremely affected in the house, making it an icebox in winter and a blast furnace in summer. Climate control is expensive, but it's getting to the point of unbearableness.

I like my stompy shoes

I bought a pair of boots the last time I was at the thrift store, costume shopping for Festival with nennivian* and katiescarlett29*. I actually wasn't planning on buying anything, just enjoying their company while they shopped, but I guess it's true what they say about when shopping with your friends, their encouragement will make you much more likely to shell out cash for something. ;-) I may have spent money I didn't so much have to that day, but I'm glad I did. The boots I bought because they were perfect for my costume as an ex-military demolitions expert in Diamond Geezers-- stompy black combat boots, heavy and ankle-high. They're a bit heavier and clunkier than my typical choice of shoe, but I like the thick rubber platform soles that allow them to have a not-insignificant heel while still staying very comfortable. The toe is a bit more bluntly shaped than I like, but it's not terribly noticeable. They also suit any number of costumes-- I think, after four years, they're finally the right shoe to wear with my Alice costume. Though they were picked specifically because of their costume-appropriateness, I find I like them for their own sake and have been wearing them a lot lately. That may be helped by the fact that my standard black shoe, my suede Pumas, I believe are still in morethings5*'s unicorn box, left there after taking them off in his performance piece. Jonathan, if you see this, I really must remember to get those back from you. ;-)

Also, either Steph or Charlotte, I don't remember exactly who, found a blue dress they thought would fit me. As I said, I wasn't really looking, but it did look to be my size, and I did like it. It is slightly sparkly and has some pretty gathering down the bodice, leading to a lightly flounced skirt. Sure enough, it fit like a charm, and I decided to take it home. I actually really like it, though I wish I had more opportunity to wear it. But I don't really have many fancy dresses. It's nice to have one that isn't either too costumey or too slutty to wear to an elegant event. Maybe I'll have a fancy dinner and ask all my guests to dress up, and give myself a chance to pull it out.

This reminds me that I really need to figure out better ways to store my shoes and costumes. I'm always trying to find ways to make my space at Elsinore more efficiently utilized, for neatness and for ease of use. The costumes, at the moment, are stuffed into a bag under my bed, and the shoes are on the floor of my closet. valleyviolet made a good suggestion about getting a hanging door rack, but my closet doors slide rather than swing, so there really isn't room. I wonder if those little floor shelving units would be very expensive, or take up too much room. I'd love to have my shoes stacked on them, easy to access and kept from getting lost. I'm sure I could find some kind of box for the costumes, again one that wouldn't take up too much room but still have space for my various pieces.

Tonight is for work

Finally Kindness's long-awaited post-bac show has come to fruition. We did our performance in front of his magnificent and meticulously-constructed environment involving suspended tree branches, flowers, nails, hooks, domestic items, and various accoutrements reflecting the life of a little girl. i think he was pleased with it; I had fun doing it, and it was certainly a unique experience for me as an actor and an interesting addition to my creative resume. I've done art before, but I've never been art before. :-) His installation will be in the Dreitzer Gallery in Spingold for the rest of the week if you missed last night. I, sadly, being living art, will not be.

*Yawn* I've gone to bed at a ridiculously early hour (10PM on Monday, 10PM on Tuesday, 9PM yesterday) every night so far this week, and yet I don't feel recharged or well enough rested for having slept so long. I don't feel sick, but I wonder if something's up. I'm hoping the excitement of Festival this weekend will cancel out my early-evening heaviness so I'm not a drag the next couple of nights.

I'd like to go to BSCF tonight and hang with people, but I have to prioritize my chores in preparation for the weekend. I have most of the sheets printed, but none of the cards, and nothing's packed yet. I may even have to buy a few new sets of supplies, like folders and playing cards. I need to put clean sheets on the guest bed for Seamus Reynolds who will be crashing at Elsinore for the weekend. And I have to finish reading the materials for LXHS. I'll only go to BSCF if I've accomplished enough of all of that by the time seven rolls around, but I doubt I will be able to afford it.

I could try to get a bit of work done on my next character sheet assignment for Labor Wars, as we have a meeting next Tuesday. But I won't be working on Monday next due to the need to work a monstrously long day on the following Thursday, so I should at least have all of that day to finish up the sheet. It'll be nice to have a day to recover after what promises to be a packed and possibly sleep-deprived three days.

Randomness of this focus-elusive week

Have been very busy and yet annoyingly unable to focus very well for the past several days. I've still got a lot of work to do in preparation for Festival. Printing and packing hasn't gone nearly as quickly as I'd hoped it would, so I'm a bit behind on my self-imposed scheduel. I've read most of the materials for LXHS, but not everything, so I'll have to get on that.

After polling and gathering opinions, I've decided to go with Larpercalia for next year's Festival nickname. It amuses me and we can always put an explanation on the website. After all, "Festival" is the most important name and the one that people mostly use when talking about it and advertising it; the nickname's just for fun anyway.

This past weekend I held the cast party for To Think of Nothing. I ended up cooking basically a full dinner for it, which turned out to be a good choice as everyone in attendance was pleased and impressed by it. With my three lovely helpers (so nice to have helpers!) nennivian*, katiescarlett29*, and crearespero*, we put together guacamole, chicken braised with cider and apples, garlic bread bruscetta, and the complicated wild rice dish. The extra hands made it easy, and the company was very much appreciated.

I have started reading Penny Arcade. I don't always find it funny, but they do a lot of really sharp commentary and certain strips are hilarious. I decided to check it out on a whim the other day because so many people I know read it. Right now the only web comics I follow are Something Positive (have since high school), Penny and Aggie, Girls With Slingshots, and of course Order of the Stick. I'm not sure if I enjoy PA enough to put in my regular rotation, but I'm glad to have finally absorbed it.

Tonight I am performing in Kindness's post-bac art show. I will have to get in contact with him to find out when he wants me to come over and make sure we're set with our plan. If you're available from 5-7PM, come to the Dreitzer Gallery in Spingold to see the work.

Post-bac show practice

The other interesting, theatrical, artistic thing I did yesterday (because I am such a busy, productive girl) is that Kindness and I ran the opening part of the performance piece we're going to do at his post-bac show. We marched into the Shapiro Atrium with nothing remarkable about us except for huge makeup handprints-- mine on my cheek, his around his neck. We then undressed, and redressed each other in dress-up clothes, mine vaguely like a little girl. Then we used makeup to paint colorful patterns over our bruises. When we were finished, we gathered up our things, packed them into a box with a unicorn on it, and marched outside.

I'm not sure if we got much in the way of audience reaction. For all our strange public doings, I think most people just looked at us, thought "Huh, weird," and continued about their business. But I am confident that in a context where it is a clear that it is an artistic performance, as it will be during the real show, people will attend. And Jonathan was pleased, which is all that matters to me. I like performing, so I am excited for this piece to go up in its proper place.

Weekend of theater in various capacities

As I mentioned in Google Buzz, this past weekend held much theater for me to execute-- planning a piece, building a set, and seeing a show.

The piece I helped to plan was for the performance part of morethings5*'s post-bac show. We figured out in more detail the choreography and the direction of the piece, and threw around some ideas for costumes and makeup. The idea is that we will do a silent series of actions related to the pieces of visual art he's displaying to tell a connected story. I'm very excited, it should be really interesting. We plan to do a rehearsal of sorts in some public space, as Jonathan feels audience reaction is extremely important. The real show will go up Wednesday, April 14th from 5 to 7PM in the Dreitzer Gallery, the art gallery in the lobby of the Spingold Theater. It should be interesting and offbeat, and I suggest you come see Kindness's art, and me, in it.

This weekend we also got a lot of the set built for Julius Caesar. I have to say, this was the most efficient and most pleasant build I've ever been on. The core group of HTP by now has had several show's worth of experience constructing sets, particularly platforms, and with just some instruction this cast put together seven perfect platforms in just three hours. Bernie is a good leader and organizer, and the cast just worked so well together. After how tough the tech week was for the previous mainstage show, it was quite a validation that we could pull it off so smoothly. Last night was strike for the HTG show that went up this past weekend, which I could not attend, and I wonder how it went. It had to start very late due to the unusual Sunday evening time of the show. I'll be going back over to help today, though, after lunch with Jared. I hope there is more I can do to help, and that things continue as well as they began.

Finally, the show we saw was the Actor's Shakespeare Project's production of Othello, organized by katiescarlett29* for her boyfriend Walter's birthday. It was a very nice group we went with, consisting mostly of awesome Hold Thy Peace members. One thing that I've noticed recently is this is the first generation of Hold Thy Peace that I've been witness to where pretty much everyone in the group is friends and spends time together outside of the group. I mean, previous generations have certainly liked each other, but their main connection to one other was that they were all in Hold Thy Peace, and they weren't particularly social outside of it. I like how now everyone is actually friends who enjoy spending time together. Jared and I had a very nice time being together and being with friends. The show itself was good, if a bit long; my back and knees were starting to get stiff by the end of it. I was pleasantly surprised to see that Iago was played by Ken Cheeseman, an artist-in-residence at Emerson and my brother Casey's teacher. If I remember correctly, Casey is a TA for him. His Iago was very good, though perhaps a little bit more comedic than I'm used to, and I enjoyed him.

The rest of this week will be Caesar-devoted. I am planning on helping out as much as I can with build, and I've also agreed to run photo call and operate the camera to film the show during one of the performances. Should be busy, but I am resolving not to stay too late, and to just do as much as I can without messing up my schedule. :-) The show runs Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights at 8PM in the Shapiro Theater, if anyone is inclined to see it. I myself will be attending all three performances, and I'd enjoy the company. I have yet to see any of the show as I didn't want to spoil myself, but everyone feels good about it, and it promises to be a good piece.