Out with the cast

Gah, so little sleep last night. My body has a strong tendency to wake me up very early no matter how long I've slept, and while I usually am in bed my midnight like a good little no-fun worker Bee, last night I went out with the Holmes cast after our last rehearsal before we get into our performance space. It was very fun, and since I often am often reticent about socializing on short acquaintance, it makes me happy that I got along so well with this all-new cast. Especially since we went to a place pretty far outside my usual style, a dive bar with a too-loud band. Probably would have been sensible to go home a little earlier, but I was very much enjoying the company.

I got my hair done for the show. I had too much trouble on my own, so my mom suggested I go to a salon and have them put it up for me. The lady didn't exactly do the head-muffin I showed her in that picture, but she put it up attractively and gave me a gorgeous complicated bun in back. Unfortunately it was much more expensive than I thought it would be, so I am trying to strategically time when I get it redone. But people seemed to like it and think it looked right. I still don't think I'm ever as pretty with my hair up, but it was certainly more flattering than the head muffin. Our Moriarty is a gentleman named Paul who I like a lot, he's got a wry sense of humor and he's kind of hot in an offbeat sort of way, and he gave me his little rose prop that he uses early on in the show. I put it in my hair and wore it that way for the rest of the night, and when I tried to give it back at the bar after rehearsal, he told me to keep it.

We had headshots taken for the lobby board taken last night. I am not excessively happy with mine. Yeah, yeah, despite my love for people taking and desiring to take my picture, I never like how I look in photographs-- it's a complicated thing, this part of me --but I really don't think these came out. There's a lot of shadow on my face and I think I look distorted because of it. Plus my hair is up, which just never works as well. Bah. I'll just have to pick the best of the lot and obsess over it to myself.

We also took the plot-relevant picture of Irene Adler and the King of Bohemia, the scandalous image over which Irene threatens to blackmail the King and ruin his marriage. Me and Tom, the actor playing the king, looked adoringly at each other arm in arm until Tom realized that nobody in the audience would ever really be able to see the picture, so he started doing silly things. I think we did the pose from Titanic and a dramatic romantic dip. It was lots of fun. I love when I can laugh and joke with the cast I'm in. Especially given my solitary, introverted nature, I got really lucky with these folks. <3

Awkward shot of my head flower again.

International Steampunk City 2012

Jared and I just got back from a day spent at the International Steampunk City Fair held in downtown Waltham. I have to say, I love that this thing exists. Steampunk is a slightly obscure subculture, and a very geeky one at that. And yet the town authorities are cool enough to see the connection it can make to Waltham's history of watchmaking and development with the Industrial Revolution. And all the artists and artisans in this style get a venue with a ton of support to display their wares and their work. And geeks like me, who eat this stuff up, get to experience it for ten bucks and a short walk from my house. I think that's incredibly cool. I feel like, slowly but surely, various aspects of geek culture are going more and more mainstream, and over time we'll get more and more people who are open to fantastic stuff like this.

I had a lot of fun there. I loved walking around looking at the art pieces and the items for sale, and we attended some interesting panels too. Steam Fashion was great for definitional things, like a good, solid way to define the subculture and the aesthetic of steampunk as "the long (around one hundred thirty years) 19th Century," and the ideas behind the "ragamuffin," "aristocrat," "adventurer," "soldier," and "professorial" steam fashion styles. Thrifty Costuming had a lot of information I already knew-- at this point I'm a pretty experienced thrift store scourer --but also gave me a lot of great pointers for DIY props and pieces. They emphasized deconstruction very heavily, using pieces of things to build new things. I especially liked the idea of taking soft leather purses and cutting off the embellishments so as to turn them into belt pouches; a couple of the presenters had done that and I never would have guessed that they were repurposed modern items. I even picked up a battered old purse at the thrift store to try it out with and make a present for Jared.

We walked all over the town today, and though my feet are aching now, I'm very happy to have gotten that much exercise. I also loved the people-watching, seeing all the people going by in their costumes. It's really a great idea, and it supports the Charles River Museum of Industry too! So it's socially responsible as well as good geeky fun. :-D

Assemble at midnight tomorrow!

Tomorrow is the midnight opening of The Avengers movie in Boston. The lovely aurora_knight* has planned a trip to go to Boston Commons to see the show at the earliest possible moment at its 12AM debut. I'm really excited for this movie. I thought the new generation of Marvel movies were remarkably good (Iron Man and Captain America), or at least significantly better than I expected them to be (Thor and Incredible Hulk.)  And the reviews for The Avengers have been uniformly good, from both film critics and fans alike, groups that approach comic book movies very differently but have demanding standards each in their own way.

Things I am excited for: the story is supposed to be good. The cast is supposed to have great chemistry. A better balance of action and character than Earth's Mightiest Heroes manages. The entre character is Cap, whose struggle I am extremely interested in. The hoped-for Cap-Iron Man dynamic. More of the BMF as Nick Fury. More of bad, bad RDJ as Tony. Loki being a magnificent bastard.  Also, YAY BEEFCAKE MOVIE!

Sorry, I have to bring it up. :-) How often is it that a movie is packed with a cast of fit, conventionally attractive men put on such display? Robert Downey, Jr. is a fox, Tom Hiddleston's a dark horse, there's some  Chris Hemsworth is classically beautiful, and well, how I feel about Chris Evans has been well documented in this space. I've already obsessed over all the pretty pictures from the Captain America movie, I need more material! Though I think his new costume looks stupid and he should spend as much time out of it as possible. Also, can I say how much I love that somebody looked at behemoth Chris Hemsworth and said, "You know what, he should be EVEN BIGGER for the next movie." He even gets prettier hair. <3

I'm also going to see it a second time on Friday, with a group of either repeaters like me or those who don't want to stay out all night on a work night. I am really grateful to Jane for putting this all together. She's the most excited of all of us. I even got her a little present to thank her. This is going to be so much fun.

Newport with Jane

Had one of the nicest weekends I've had in quite some time. Saturday I went to Newport, RI to meet aurora_knight* and have a great time walking around through the city. That was a great trip. I'd never been there before, but I knew it was a pretty town by the sea where lots of Gilded Age millionaires built their summer homes. We went on a tour of two of the grandest, The Breakers and The Elms. The Breakers in particular was opulent, seventy rooms all styled like high French aristocratic chateaux, designed by the famous Vanderbilt family. The ceilings were all crenelated with carvings of animals, mythology, angels, and fruit, and covered over with painted murals. The gilt covering the moldings and the furniture was made of actual gold. The billiard room was walled entirely in marble. There was a fountain under the staircase. It had ballrooms and sitting rooms and dining halls and a breakfast room and dozens of bedrooms. It was grand and gorgeous but honestly rather overdone. It was rather too much for my tastes, and honestly did not seem liveable by modern standards. I was trying to imagine rolling out of bed, padding down that giant staircase in my pajamas and walking across my cavernous hall to eat my breakfast in my opulent breakfast suite. It made me kind of uncomfortable, honestly. Maybe it works better if you're expected to be fully dressed in elegant clothes and have servants waiting on you and making everything happen, but Jane said that even for the age it was considered over-the-top. I like the say I could expand into any amount of space you gave me-- throwing parties and hosting dinners and running larps and having rooms for sewing and gaming and maybe even a performance space --but I found the Breakers to be just too much even for me. My favorite part of it was the butler's pantry, a place like a kitchen except without fixtures like a stove or anything, which was elegant in the simplicity of its very fine dark wood cabinets and endless counter space. By contrast, the other house, The Elms, of the coal family the Berwinds was very fine and grand but more tasteful and liveable. I'm sure I could move in there just fine. :-)

Overall it was a lovely trip, walking around and chatting with Jane, who is always lovely company. I'm so glad she invited me. Thanks, dear! Here is a nice picture of Jane in one of the Newport shops we browsed. Her hair looks very pretty.

Mom suggests I learn to sew costumes

So I mentioned this fleecy white hooded zip-up I have that I loved and was wearing all the time because it was warm, well-fitting, and went with everything. Unfortunately, because of how often I wore it, it was getting progressively more threadbare and the white wasn't really so white anymore. I hadn't really noticed how ratty it had gotten until my parents saw me in it one day and condemned it in the same manner as a building inspector condemns a delapidated house. Ever since then I have been too embarrassed to wear it in public, but not without much moaning about how much I loved it and its warmth and versatility. This visit, however, my mom told me she'd been checking J. Crew where she'd originally bought it for months now trying to find a replacement for me, and was finally about to present me with two very similar fleecy zip-ups in the colors of cream and olive. I have already worn both of them in the two days since they've left. Don't tell Mom I said this, but these two new ones are not quite as perfect as the original was. They are longer and less form-fitting, giving me a boxier shape, and though still neutral in color they are not quite as versatile to match with things as the white one was. Still, they are warm and almost as nice, so I expect to wear them until they fall apart just as I did their predecessor. Thank you, Mom, for thinking of me.

My parents were looking for an activity for us to do as a family, so, since I had fun there, I suggested I take them to King Richard's Faire. They hadn't been to a Ren Fair in years, and nobody could suggest anything we all liked better, so they agreed. Everyone ended up really enjoying it (perhaps more than they expected to, heh). My dad bought a fox tail that can be worn on a belt, because he and Mom are going to a Halloween party and she will dress up like a foxhunter and he will be a fox. :-) I like that. Also, my mom has set me onto a new project. While we were at the fair, I kept pointing out all these costume pieces I liked but thought were too expensive. Her response was "Why buy them? It wouldn't be hard to teach yourself to make a lot of this stuff." Which intrigued me, because I had never seriously considered it because I didn't think I would do a good job. But she said that she didn't know much about costume making either until she decided to learn, and she got to be a rather capable seamstress. And learning to sew better is something I've always wanted to do. So I have decided to teach myself about costume construction. I am starting small, trying to make a very simple Renaissance chemise and seeing what I learn from that.

I found a patternmaking tutorial on the Internet and bought myself some cheap linen fabric to give things a try. I have already made about six mistakes, the first and most egregious being I did not realize that I was supposed to be making patterns that were folded in half. Thus is my unfamiliarity with patterns. So I ended up cutting out, for example, four quarters of a bodice rather than two halves. This means I had to do twice as many seams as I was supposed to. Ah, well, at least it will help me practice my stitching, and now I have learned. I don't have a sewing machine, though my mom may send me up her old one if I get serious about this, so I am just doing a simple backstitch to put everything together. I was surprised at how easily the thread tangles, so my stitches are very ugly in places, but when I turn the fabric right side out at least the seams are pretty straight. I will work on it more tonight. I don't know if it will come out wearable, but at least I'm learning about how to put this sort of thing together.

Weekend of parents

Parents will be coming into town today. The timing is good, as they will be claiming the majority of my time from now until Sunday evening, so I will be busy during the same period Jared is busy in Albany visiting Sharone. That means I will have less time to call him at the same time as he has less time to call me. He should be busy doing fun special things like one does on vacation, rather than sitting around on the phone with one's girlfriend like one does at home. I just need to confer with Mom and Dad to figure out what our plans will be. Two possibilities include visiting Salem and my taking them to Kind Richard's Faire, neither of which we are settled on. Tonight, however, I will be going to the next session of captainecchi's Fantastycraft game, which I committed to a long time before they told me they were coming up. They tend to prefer I clear my schedule when they visit, since they see me so rarely these days, so I can't tell whether or not they're annoyed with me. Ah, well. Tonight should be fun. I will enjoy getting to be Ophelia again, and must make certain to think of lots and lots of fun inappropriate things to say.

Trip to King Richard's Faire

Saturday was a lovely trip to King Richard's Faire with Bernie and lightgamer*. I haven't been to a Renaissance Fair in years, so I was very excited to do this. I'm really glad we ended up doing it when we did, as the rest of my weekends are booked up until my death. ;-)

First of all, I like the atmosphere. I'm always so impressed to see the fairgrounds for these things. I love that they actually built permanent structures with neat pseudo-medieval appearences to house the works of the vendors and artisans. It makes it so much more immersive, and I'm pretty shocked that somebody was actually willing to front the cost for it! ANd we saw lots of people in garb of varying degrees of awesomeness. Favorites included a terryfingly badass looking pirate, an extremely complex gypsy outfit, and the man covered in green body paint apparently dressed as a troll. Least favorites as always include the sneakers worn with elaborate dresses, and the women who cram themselves into corsets such that their breasts resemble freshly risen pizza dough that is pinched in awkward ways. Is that supposed to be sexy? Meh.

I wanted to find a neat thing to buy while I was there, like a costume item or a neat piece of jewelry, and perhaps something as a present for Jared. But sadly everything that caught my eye was extremely expensive and nothing within my price range appealed to me enough to spend the money. I brought a hundred dollars with me to spend, and after purchasing fifteen dollars worth of food tickets (clever scam they've got going with that there), I ended up putting the rest back into my savings account. I must say, in the long run it's probably more satisfying to see that safely put away than blown on Renaissance memorabilia. Ah, well. Still no corset for me, I suppose.

As a side note, I am developing kind of a sour-grapes dislike of corsets. I want to like them, but I never can find one that looks good on me. My experiences with them tend to consist mostly of my torso being too narrow for the laces, thus in no way benefiting my waist, and my breasts just kind of slipping pathetically behind the bodice part, thus in no way benefiting my bust. I have about a twenty-five-inch waist, and according to the ladies who helped me try one on, I should be shooting for a size twenty-three corset, which they didn't have in stock because "All the tiny sizes sell out really quick." I was a little shocked to hear that, seeing as most people around my size tend to be fairly young, and young people don't tend to have the money to blow on expensive costume pieces like a corset, but maybe they just don't make many to begin with. Ah, well, I suppose it's good I didn't spend the money, as I am both young and not financially free. And to be honest I find the look rarely works quite the way I like it anyway. Girls with big racks all-too-often end up with the pizza dough problem, and girls with small racks end up looking kind of pitiful and meager all shoved up like that. I even saw some girls built similarly to me in corsets, and frankly the way the corset wasp-waisted them looked weirdly disproportionate, and their boobs were just sort of sad. To make matters worse, the corsets gave even these skinny little slips a hideous overflow of BACK FAT, and I would rather wear a burlap sack than a garment that inflicts that particular atrocity on me. *Sigh* I probably would have to have a custom-made one if ever I am to own one that actually fits and flatters, and that is certainly not in my budget right now.

My favorite part of any Renaissance Fair, though, is always the joust. I love watching the knights thunder around on their horses performing feats of martial skill, and I like the pagentry of the storyline that usually goes around it. This time there was a black knight, masked to conceal his identity, competing who turned out to be Sir Joseph, a knight of the court who was banished for a murder he claimed was actually committed by Sir James, the most psychotic of his jousting opponents. After literally reciting the Old Code from Dragonheart (squee!) they squared off in a duel to the death to restore the victor's honor. The knights were asked if they swore to adhere to the rules of chivalrous conduct. Quoth Sir Joseph: "I do." Quoth Sir James: "I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Yes, clearly this man is absolutely incapable of committing murder. Their battle, though, was absolutely badass, with them getting knocked off their horses and going at it hand-to-hand.

Now, I know this stuff is staged, and that somebody has to come up with what goes on in these shows. And apparently somebody was like, "Okay, armed combat is awesome, but you know what your average swordfight is missing? FIRE!" So Sir James attacked Sir Joseph with a flaming sword, and was literally SETTING everything on fire! He set Sir Joseph's clothes on fire! Sir Joseph grabbed a whip, and he set the whip on fire! Every time he cracked the whip, the flame flashed and burst! Let me tell you, nothing takes an awesome thing and makes it even more awesome like throwing some fire into the mix! By the end of this epic fire-soaked battle, Sir James as well as the knights' two seconds lay dead upon the sand. Yes, Sir Joseph, now that I have seen you bring about the deaths of three separate men, I now believe that you are not in fact a murderer. :-)

I wonder if I could get a job as a script writer for the Ren Fair. You don't even have to be historically accurate, just suitably dramatic. That would be awesome. Is there an application I can fill out?

Afterward, Bernie, Matt, and I came back and finished the evening with low-key chatting and playing of video games. It was a lovely day, all and all, and the company was excellent. I'd love to go back, perhaps in an even bigger group, but I think I may not have time before the end of the season. If you're thinking of going, I heartily recommed it.

Busy like whoa

I just finished updating my calendar with all the commitments I must prepare for over the next month or so, and DAMN, am I even busier than I thought I was. I didn't realize until some interesting new possibilities for activities arose, and when I checked my availability, I was shocked to see that I don't have a totally free weekend until the 11th of December! When in the world did that happen?

Okay, I knew October weekends were pretty booked, because one must be devoted to my visiting parents, and another to a much-anticipated trip to Chicago to be with Jared. Tomorrow I will be going to King Richard's Faire with hopefully a small group, and endeavoring not to spend too much money on Renaissancey stuff I don't really need. But it didn't really hit me until I looked at the calendar that I saw the full extent. Yes, there are two loved-one-visits that take a good chunk of time, but there are also outings, parties, two larps, a larp weekend, a tabletop game, a performance week, a play with rehearsals and a tech week. I don't even have time for one of my little Friday night dinner parties until at least November! And there are STILL one or two more things I hope to cram in there if at all possible! Madness!

So the upshot of all this is, if you'd like to involve me in something, you shall have to book me, apparently, two months in advance. Gah!

Steampunk night at T.T. the Bears?

Reposting from the interconlarp community:

...

KLOCKWERQ, a Steampunk Soiree, is this Sunday night (Aug 15, 8:30pm) at T.T. the Bears, 10 Brookline St., Cambridge MA.

KLOCKWERQ is a steam-powered, gear-driven, dance party and social event for the aetheric aristocracy. It's also the ONLY event of its kind in Massachusetts, and we'd love the support of the Steampunk community to get it off the ground. KLOCKWERQ has dancing, merchants, and more.

It's an 18+ event and admission is $10. We hope to see you there!

If you're on Facebook, please visit KLOCKWERQ EVENTS for more information!

...

Anyone interested in doing this? I'm not a hundred percent sure I am, I have been feeling kind of down recently and not all that up to going out, but I might be persuaded to do this if others were as well. I'm not even sure if I have anything appropriate to wear, but I'm curious to see what this event will be like, and I certainly like to support fun things like Steampunk events. Thoughts, anyone?

Too many run throughs

Wow, I'm suddenly really glad I got to see Shaken Up Shakespeare when I did. All the shows are sold out from on out! Congratulations to oakenguy* and all of his castmates-- I know I really enjoyed it, and was very impressed with the acting and production.

Love's Labor's Lost rehearsals have been very heavy over the past several days. We have blasted through the whole show four times already this week, and we're doing another run tonight. I think we're in pretty damn good shape by now, but the location for tonight is our rain space, so Shelby wants to make certain we're adapted to it in case we end up having to move there. I could honestly use a night without having to be on, but at least this is the last run through before we open on Saturday. Right now I'm just praying that it doesn't rain during the picnic on Sunday. I've put too much planning into it already.

Gah, brain mushy. I've spent most of today processing expense reports, and the work, she is meticulous and tedious. I look forward to when I can relax with my cookbooks and choose some dishes to make tomorrow night. It occurred to me actually after Jared's suggestion that this might be a good opportunity to make pork, since no one present is unable to eat it. That might be really nice. My goal is to have a shopping list written up by the end of the day, and to take care of supply-buying on my way home from work tomorrow. Then shall the cookening commence.

Wait, I know how to cook?

It occurs to me that I haven't done any cooking in weeks now. I hope I still remember how, because I've got quite a bit to do for this coming weekend. During the weekend of Labor Wars, natbudin* and I made a series of bets about what would happen during the game, with the understanding that the winner would make dinner for the loser. Nat won a fair number more of the bets than I did, so I have the happy task of hosting him this Friday evening. And, because I've been meaning to have them over for ages, I am having captainecchi* and electric_d_monk* over that night as well. I don't believe I've ever cooked for any of them before, so I am looking forward to taking this as an opportunity to show off. I haven't decided on the menu yet; I will do that today between work and rehearsal.

For the picnic on Sunday there doesn't really seem to be any kind of "main dish" being brought, so I think I'm going to step up and put one together. The guest list is around fifteen people at this point, so I need to figure out a dish I can make in large quantities that isn't excessively expensive. My first thought was chicken marbella, mostly because it is very delicious and requires nothing more complicated than marinating it in a bag the night before, laying it out in a pan, and baking it in the oven. Still, it requires some kind of fancy ingredients, which could push up the cost. Maybe if I can get someone to go in on it with me, it'll be a little bit more workable.

Rehearsal weekend over

Weekend of rehearsal is concluded. Things went rather well; we seem to be in a pretty good place with the show, and with the exception of that one goddamn line that I always psych myself out of remembering, I feel like I'm fairly ready. The other day I hit the thrift store, dropped off a big bag of unwanted clothes, and picked up a pair of khakhi cargo pants just baggy enough to look boyish to wear as my costume. The fact that they're a little too big hides some of my feminine definition, but I discovered necessitates the wearing of a belt to not slide below my knobby hipbones. I also broke out the chest binding for the first time in this role. As usual, reactions ranged from people impressed by the fact that I was willing to do it to weirded out by how kinky and uncomfortable it looked.

As some of you know from doing shows with me in the past, I have a odd little tendency to walk around in just the binding before getting into costume. I did this today, and because I was not sure how my fellows in the show, few of whom really know me, would react to it, I was thinking about this today. I didn't experience any real negative reaction, but I did wonder if anyone thought it was strange. I'm not totally sure why I feel the desire to do it, though I think it's complicated. For some reason it relaxes me to lose that outer layer of clothing, so it's become my custom before a play even when I'm not bound. I am proud of how attractive my midriff is, so I'm sure the way exposing it makes me feel about myself gives me a sense of positivity before a show. I think i also like the notion of how before I put on my character I have to stop being Phoebe and start being an empty canvas on which to paint the character. Costumes have always helped me get into character, so the total lack of any kind of costume over the binding I think helps me part with myself and become clear to assert the new personality. There's probably a dash of a need to assert my true femininity before putting on my masculine character; this is not a huge issue for me, but I think this small gesture helps keep it that way. It's an odd little issue of mine, but for the first time I felt compelled to analyze my need for this weird little ritual. Because of the drive, I had to strap down really far in advance, and my ribs were starting to ache by the time the show ended. That was a bit surprising-- normally my breasts themselves are what gets sore, but this time it was definitely my ribs. Will have to work out a way to cut down the time I will have to spend bound up. Still, it's good to know that I'm pretty much totally in order to go on this coming weekend.

Have gathered a fairly good crowd for the planned picnic before the show on Sunday the 24th. Though certain people will be sadly missed, a nice group is amassing that I am very glad will spend the time with me. If you decide you'd like to come with us, just drop me a line and I will be happy to include you in the plans.

I did manage to get to oakenguy's show yesterday. I was kindly accomplanied by my beloved in_water_writ, and I'm very glad I made it. I liked every piece or different reasons, and had the extremely rare experience for me of being impressed with the ability of every single actor involved. Brian was as fun and funny as I expected he'd be, and I must certainly be sure to get out to any future shows of his, so that I may see more of him onstage! I certainly recommend anyone who enjoys Shakespeare and Shakespeare-related material (not to mention Brian!), as I certainly do, to go out to Somerville and catch this show. Afterward Jenn and I had a lovely time hanging out at chatting at J.P. Lick's, concluding a long day with a very pleasant evening.

Picnic and Love's Labor's Lost

As some of you may know, I am going to be in a production of Love's Labor's Lost that will be going up very soon. It will be outside at a gazebo next to the public library in Medfield, MA, which is about a half an hour's drive from here. It is a very nice small park kind of spot. Some of you may remember last summer when I was in Macbeth, which was also performed outside, when we put together a picnic lunch, drove out to the park several hours early, and ate and played frisbee and generally enjoyed each other's company until the show.

Since I would like people I know to come see the show, I think it might be nice if we did the same thing this year. The show is at 5PM, so I was thinking we could go out at 1 or 2, with everybody bringing food, blankets, and stuff to play with. There are several shows, but I am going to Sunday 7/25.

Let me know if you are interested and able to attend. Also, this is an open-invitation event-- feel free to bring anyone else you'd like. We will organize times, transport, directions, and food once I have a better idea of who can come.

Hope to see you there!

Heh. I've never done anything that was open-invite before. ;-)

No more holes, and BSO

So I've thought about it, and I don't think I will be getting any additional ear piercings any time soon. I talked to Jared about it and he wasn't crazy about the idea. He made a good point that I'm endeavoring to cultivate a classic look, and multiple ear holes looks cool but it can easily slip into tacky and juvenile. blendedchaitea* walks that line well and I still think hers are stylish, but I'm not sure sure I would be able to wear them as well. And it probably isn't a good idea to put permanent holes in my body if I'm not even sure I want them. So for now, I'll stick with what I have. I can't really undo them once they're done, but I can always get them later if I'm ever more certain about wanting them.

Going to the Boston Symphony Orchestra tonight. Not sure what to expect. I must confess, music is the one significant gap in my cultural awareness. Other than listening to songs I like on my iPod, I'm not all that interested in it, and I'm certainly not educated about anything classical. But Steph and Walter have been wanting to go, and Bernie asked me to come with him, so I figured I'd give it a try. Honestly I'm a little afraid of falling asleep during the performance and embarrassing my companions with my boorishness. I wonder which is worse-- passing out, or keeping from passing out by spending the entire evening playing on one's iPhone? ;-) I'm a Philistine, I know. Feel free to shun me for it.

On a related musing note...

Something occurred to me just now. As I once mused here, I have an inclination to nothingness. When I am not at my best, nothing is more wearying to me than being unable to escape other presences in my life, whether those presences be people, expectations, obligations, anything at all that I was required to engage with. Often rather than seeking comfort in good things, I seek the comfort of nothingness. No people to talk to, pleasant or unpleasant. No work that has to be completed, validating or burdensome. No events to attend, fun or tedious. No effort to put out, no expectations to meet, no outside anything of any kind. Even when I'm feeling good, the fear of unpleasant outside forces often drive me to avoid everything entirely.

This is a real failing in me. This is the seed of what can grow into apathy, passivity, nihilism. People like that live at all moments one step closer to suicide. And yet... one consistent comment that I have received from many different quarters is remarking on how much I am engaged in. When I think about it, I see that I am a busy, proactive person who never is without an undertaking of some kind. I write, run, and play games. I throw events like dinners and parties. I put on and participate in plays. I do things all the time. I am somebody who frequently brings about things that would not happen, or would not happen as well, had I not undertaken the effort to make them so.

Maybe it was because I was brought up with the notion that interesting people do things. The sign of a decent human being is one who cares about and is engaged in something, no matter what it is. Maybe that concept helps me overcome this failing in me. But the point is, though, that I am overcoming it. I am doing the better thing despite my negative natural inclinations.

Good for me. :-)

Brian brightens my day

I was winding up for a really grouchy entry here, but I've been reading back entries of oakenguy*'s LiveJournal and he is so funny and interesting and awesome that my mood is greatly lifted. Thanks for being wonderful, Brian. :-)

This weekend was over before I even realized it began. Lots of rough stuff going on for Jared, and he needed a lot of help from me to get through it. I'm glad to help, and I think everything is handled and okay now, but I'm kinda burnt out. Also, I ended up having to see a lot more of Sara than I'd hoped I would. Honestly it wasn't that bad, she was fairly pleasant and I put forth my very best effort, but I had things I would have rather been doing with my time than have brunch with her and drive her places because she put zero planning into this trip. Honestly the only thing that really bugged me was the expectation of how much Jared would be available. No, Jared TOLD YOU he was not available to entertain because IT IS FINALS WEEK and he HAS FINALS. *Sigh* She ended up offering to make us dinner as thanks for our help, which was very nice of her, but necessitated I spend more time around her, and I couldn't refuse without looking like a jerk. Again, the evening was pleasant enough, but I don't want to spend that much time around a person whose primary effect on my life has been to make my boyfriend feel bad about himself. At least I got to take a break from it all and go with Steph to the Natick Mall, which turned out to be a lot of fun and a nice respite from my roles as "support system" and "ex wrangler." I may have to have dinner with Sara again tonight, but hey, it'll be a meal I don't have to pay for, and I can at least enjoy Jared's company and the fact that three years is a sufficient period of time to pass that I can exhibit normal girlfriend behaviors in front of his ex without hurting her feelings. (For those of you who react to this length of time with outrage, the last time I was actually in Sara's presence was over two years ago.)

Also, went to a lovely surprise birthday party for Frances the other day that was incredibly nice. Every time I talk to her I'm reminded of how I need to spend more time with her. It was just a lovely, nice, low-key evening with good friends, which I needed, and Jared too. Nearly the entire cast of To Think of Nothing was present, and it really warms my heart to see the evidence of how enthusiastic they are about this show. I'm so excited to get to work on it.

Focuson the positive, Phoebe. Like the show, and being with Jared, and the sheer unadulterated awesome that is oakenguy*. That'll keep me from being the constant grouch I'm threatening to turn into.

Catching up...

Gah, busy weekend. Jared and I tried to go to a Red Sox game Friday night with Steph and Walter, but it was unfortunately rained out. I actually did enjoy the trip and the company, so it wasn't a total loss, but I am kind of disappointed about the fifty bucks I spent on the ticket.

Saturday was helping laurion move furniture to his new place. I really enjoyed this day, as it was spent doing helpful productive things that were incidentally also good exercise with lots of people I wanted to hang out with. I also spoke to Nat about the game he is working on with Susan and Vito, and agreed to be part of the writing team. I'm incredibly flattered to be asked; I think this could be a really great learning experience to try working in a group of people who have lots experience working this way and generated a lot of good games with it. We are working on scheduling a meeting. I must get myself up to speed on all the materials now.

Sunday was spent about half moping and feeling yucky and half solidifying the session of Burn Notice I would be running that evening. I actually really love the plot for this "episode" that we're going through now. My GMing style is to do as much prep work ahead of time as possible, so I'm not scrambling to come up with things, and I am always able to keep the story moving. I know as a player I strongly dislike when the action drags and the players just sort of don't do anything because there's nowhere to go. So I always try to keep things as fleshed out as possible beforehand, so the players always have something to move toward. I think it's worked pretty well so far.

Also, the working scripts my brother got me from the Burn Notice set arrived in the mail. One of them was to the third season premiere, which was pretty damn cool. The second one, however, is from an episode that HASN'T EVEN AIRED YET. How awesome is that? Thanks to Casey doing me a favor, I got a sneak preview of a brand-new Burn Notice! It's a pretty good one, too. I'm having him over for dinner tomorrow, and now I am especially happy to feed him in thanks.

Last Thursday and Friday

Gah, busy last several days, and I am beat. A quick recap of where I have been and what I have been doing that has interrupted my normal stream of self-involved ramblings, larp-related babbling, and occasional cooking reports. Posted in bursts due to length and variety of subject.

Thursday I went with Bernie to the wedding of one of his cousins in New York. Their respective parts of the family are not very close, and he wanted me to come along as somebody to talk to. It was an Orthodox Jewish wedding, which meant Phoebe had to put her midriff away and study up a little on the customs so as to not appear quite as much the ignorant heathen she is. As a matter of fact, I was a lot more comfortable than I expected to be-- between my research and the knowledge I absorbed through living at Brandeis, I could more or less follow everything that was happening around me. It was actually pretty interesting and fun. Honestly due to the mechitza I probably spent less time with Bernie than with his mother, but as I said their family didn't really know anyone else, so I was glad I could be a friend for her. I even danced the hora. :-) That was fun, though the bride didn't go up in the chair. Also, I saw some of the ugliest dresses I've ever seen in my life. Picture nineteenth century gowns crossed with prom dresses. There's Orthodox modesty gone formal for you. I felt like a stylish panther lurking among dowdy sheep. ;-) Oh! I almost forgot the best part. A lady at the table at the reception struck up a conversation with me, asking me about the Jewish community back in my hometown. I knew the answers, so I told her-- Allentown has quite a few Jews, but most of them are more cultural than religious. Chabad is somewhere, but not all that much of a presence. She said, "Oh, so you didn't grow up with much religion, then?" I smiled and told her, "Actually, I'm Catholic." She was taken slightly aback. "Oh!" she said. "You don't look Catholic." Heehee. Was it the lack of stigmata that fooled her? Maybe that I put my plaid miniskirt away. Or perhaps she would have expected a Roman among the Chosen to be an ignorant shiksa. I'm sure what she meant is "You don't sound Catholic," but I am delighted to have disabused that notion, if that's the case. I am quite proud of myself for passing, seeing as typically they know me on sight. I am still not sure what gave me away at the kosher butcher shop, where the older Jewish lady snappishly told her husband to "Ask the shiksa to move!" I really did not want to be the screamingly obvious ignorant outsider, and I'm proud to say mission accomplished.

After we got back after a long drive through the rain, we rushed to the freshmen orientation event where Hold Thy Peace had been asked to perform some scenes and monologues. I was really proud of Jared, Elana, and Steph for getting it all together, and all the acts that went up looked and sounded great. It was too loud and unstructured a venue for this sort of thing, but they made the best of things and I was very impressed. Jared is so talented, I hope he gets a little more confidence in himself soon. He has a tendency to assume the worst in a lot of situations, but he always comes through in the end-- his performance was everything I hoped it would be.

Next-- a dinner, a party, and auditions for Romeo and Juliet.

Good goth night

Had a really great evening last night. Had a goth night out with Bernie and Marissa, and not only did I enjoy going out and playing pool, the company was incredibly nice. Getting to wear a hot gothy costume and have good conversation is basically my ideal evening. I wonder if that's not something worth getting together more often. It also doesn't hurt when random strangers walk over to tell you you're gorgeous. I know, I'm pathetic. But I like it. :-)

Today, not quite so nice. Threw up twice today. Not sure why, but then, when am I ever? So I'm feeling kind of gross. If I seem unusually blase about this, it's because, having what seems to be the world's most delicate stomach, I throw up fairly easily and probably more often than most. Still, usually not more than once in a day. :-P

From hermit to social butterfly

After several days of comfortable purposeful isolation, I emerged from my solitude this weekend to do several things with several people. Saturday I headed over to the new place of bronzite and pezzonovante to try and help with the move-in. I baked ginger molasses cookies, bought jugs of lemonade, and brought a bottle of wine as a housewarming gift, as that is what Italians do when somebody moves into a new place. As it happened, quite a few people came out to help John and Tom deal with all their stuff, and there ended up being too many cooks in the kitchen. I was sorry I couldn't be more help, but hey, cookies and wine are a contribution, right? I considered hanging around out of the way in case there was something I could do, but I wasn't loving how this one girl I didn't know who was there was barking orders at everyone, so I decided to just clear out and not have to deal or be a hindrance. Hope everything ultimately went well.

In the evening Marissa and morethings5 came over to hang and have dinner with me. I really enjoyed the last time we did that and wanted to see them sometime, as well as with all the kosher people gone I wanted to eat with people who would let me cook something really trayf. So I made pork chops in sauteed apples and onions with rosemary corn cake and brussels sprouts. I was incredibly pleased with how the chops came out, mostly because I remembered that pork is best when it's brined before you work with it. It's a very lean meat that has a tendency to dry out, so letting it soak in a salt and herb solution will keep it juicy after you cook it. This is also a useful technique for turkey, which has a similar problem, so I'll actually be able to use this cooking technique with my regular dinner crowd. It was also really nice to talk to them, both them together and just Marissa after Kindness went home. I don't think I've ever had a chance to really talk with just her before, and I was always sorry about that because I've always felt that she was the kind of person I could tell things to. I hope I can entice her out to Waltham again sometime soon. I'll have to figure out another tasty dinner.

The next day I met twilighttremolo for sort-of lunch and for wandering around Waltham. She is another friend I've wanted to spend real time with and get to know better, and I had a really nice time doing that yesterday. I wasn't quite sure what I would say going into things-- I have a tendency to worry I will be holding people prison to conversation they're not really interested in --but she was very easy to talk to, and I very much liked doing it. One of my favorite things to do with somebody is walk around talking about things, so it was nice for me to just wander through the suburban parts around here. Good exercise, good time, and with good company. I will have to see that this happens more often.