Charmer in eyeliner

Today I was feeling sad and discouraged. Then I went out to see a play with a charming and attractive former costar who wore eyeliner just to please me. I feel better.

Thank you, friend. <3

Realization of moving forward

As you may remember, one of my Lenten resolutions was to work on keeping a more serene outlook. By the time Ash Wednesday rolled around, I had become so easily overwhelmed and so fast to lose my temper that I was losing my cool at even the slightest frustration. I resolved that I would spend my Lent learning to keep my head and stay centered even when I felt upset or unable to cope, no matter how big or small the issue in my way.

I'm feeling pretty pressed right now. The last several weeks have been intense. No free evenings, lots of new responsibilities at work, two huge homework assignments, the need to get off-book for my show. I am knocking them off slowly, but the coincidence of all these deadlines with how little free time I've had to work on them has not been easy. In fact, I was thinking yesterday at how remarkable it was that I haven't panicked at the amount of work. And I realized then that I've been doing much, much better at keeping my head when I'm feeling stressed or overwhelmed.

During Lent I started working to catch myself when I could feel I was losing it. "Keep your head. Keep it together. You're stronger than that." I've always been surprised by how successful it's been to tell myself, "You are strong. Now prove it." It's been hard to remember to do that since my pattern has become to respond with immediate and all-consuming rage, but I start focusing on checking myself. I've also had good luck with a silly little trick I've had since childhood, to imagine what if I were in a really tough situation like some hero in a story I like, having to be actually brave with people who depended on me to save them, would it do to let myself lose it then? Childish as it is, it really helps. I know, because staring down my screenplay, my reading, my fiction piece, my new job stuff, and all those Irene Adler lines, I am not shaken, I am simply working through.

I think I really improved myself with my efforts over Lent. And in breaking that pattern, in establishing a new pattern, it's become easier to do. The oncoming tide of upset is smaller and no longer so difficult to hold back. You really can change your brain through your habits. And I feel incredibly good that I managed it.

Finished my first screenplay!

I have finally finished the screenplay version of The Tailor of Riddling Way! I handed it in yesterday to my awesome teacher. It's rough, and this is just the first draft of likely many, but I finished it! Given how often screenplays end up partially done bits of debris on a writer's hard drive, this is kind of a big deal.

It will need a lot of fixing. I could feel my brain burning out and not being sure how to edit it. But for now I'm just going to enjoy the feeling of having a complete first draft. When I recover a little I will be back-engineering the second half to finish the audio drama, as I had to adapt the first half from audio drama to screenplay. But if you care to read my little film, my very first complete screenplay, I am posting it on LJ for your pleasure. It will have to be in chunks due to length, so I guess I'll cut it into four pieces like I was planning with the audio drama.

I am really proud of myself for doing it. :-)

"You have reached the life model decoy of Tony Stark. Please leave a message."

Well, believe it or not, the Avengers movie just about lives up to the enormous hype. Our intrepid little band of midnight moviegoers had a blast last night seeing it, and despite nearly losing my phone and getting no more than two hours of sleep, I am pretty damn happy with the experience.

I will do a full, spoilery review shortly, but I just wanted to say how fun it was, and address how well it met my hopes and expectations. The story was good. The cast did have great chemistry. The balance of action and character was better than on EMH, though that's setting the bar pretty low, but while I could have used a smidge MORE character, that's mostly just out of loving what there was and wanting more. Cap was not really used as what you would call an entre character, but he still was well done, and he and Tony squared off exactly as I hoped they would. The BMF was a BMF, RDJ was as bad as bad boys can be, and Loki's bastardy was indeed magnificent. As for the beefcake, well, there were about a hundred percent more shirts than I had been hoping for, but a pretty man is a pretty man, and Steve, Tony, and Thor are very, very pretty.

To illustrate, I give you a pretty picture of Steve on a motorcycle.

Now I'll give you a prettier one.

Oh, bless you, smutty DeviantArt photo editors. <3

I got the role of Irene Adler!

I just got the call from the director of Sherlock Holmes: The Final Problem, offering me the role of Irene Adler, and I was delighted to accept!

As I mentioned, I felt really good about my audition, better than I had in some time. I have to say, I almost didn't go to the initial one. I was feeling REALLY emotionally up and down on Monday, and when I got home from work and saw  the audition on my calendar I really wasn't feeling up to it. I started psyching myself out over the fact that the description for the only character I was even vaguely appropriate for, Irene Adler, called for a slightly older woman, and said, "British accent preferred but not required." I grumbled a little over that last bit, as I know from the Holmes stories that Irene was an American. My British accent is pretty weak, and I certainly couldn't sustain it over the course of the play, so I started convincing myself it was a hopeless cause. But Jared encouraged me to try anyway, telling me what I already knew-- that you never get anywhere if you don't try and put yourself out there. Well, I could always say if they called me on it that Irene was American, and I guess I wouldn't be any worse off than I was before. And I'm so glad I did, because as I said, I felt so good about the reading I gave!

Later in the same day that I posted that, I got an email from the producer asking if I could return for the second night of auditions, no problem if I couldn't because it was short notice, but they liked my reading and wanted to hear me again. I didn't want to announce it in case it didn't come to anything, but damn, did that feel encouraging! I really wanted to convey my interest, so I left ballet early on Tuesday and rushed over to the Natick Center for the Arts to catch the last half-hour of the second night of tryouts.

On the way over, I really worked myself up with nerves. These were open auditions, which meant that anybody could show up without an appointment. There could be somebody who showed up that night that they liked better. I really shouldn't get my hopes up. I was getting very tense by the time I showed up, but I took a deep breath and slipped in.

One thing that was consistent both nights were the sorts of actors present. The men were all older than me, in their thirties and forties and maybe beyond. And they were all pretty uniformly good actors who were all capable of respectable British accents. There wasn't a single one of them that I didn't think gave a decent audition. There were fewer women, some of them closer to my age, but still I was the youngest one there. I have a hunch that the British accent thing probably scared a lot of them off. I remember when I played Diamond Geezers, those of us willing to give the ridiculous Cockney accents a try seemed to be much more comfortable speaking and participating in the game, and this reminded me a lot of that. There were a few that gave decent readings, but even on the second night when I was more nervous--  I had more assurance but also more to lose --I still felt that I looked like the front runner. I say that not to make myself look good, honestly I think the competition would have been a lot stiffer I'd been a man. They asked me to project more, that note I've gotten in every show I've ever done, and if I could perform without my glasses on, which I also make a point of every show. I went home hopeful, but terrified of getting my hopes up.

I got the call tonight offering me the part when I was visiting at Albion and gratefully accepted. I am so excited. I've been itching like mad to act again for quite some time now, so I imagine this is going to help a great deal with my feeling of creative restlessness. I've also not had a real lead for several years, not since Puck when I was a senior. Moreover, it will be nice to play a woman for once! Cordelia in King Lear when I was a junior was literally the only female part I've had in my entire adult acting career. One thing I've always been a little concerned about was whether my acting wasn't quite as fully realized as it could have been because I've so often have to worry about pulling on the additional layer of playing masculinity. This is something I can really sink my teeth into, really throw myself into the development of a performance for. And I'm really grateful to Jared for being supportive and encouraging me to get over my doubts.

The show will be going up Friday and Saturday, June 1, 2, 8, and 9 at 8:00 pm and Sunday June 3 and 10 at 2:00 pm in Natick. I hope you'll all join more for my triumphant return to the legitimate stage. :-)

My broad and undying love for A Christmas Carol

Much as I love Christmas, there aren't many cheesy pop culture traditions that I like. I'm not into big tacky decorations, I despise popular Christmas music, I hate how consumerist and stuff-oriented it is. But I fucking love A Christmas Carol. I love the original story, and I cannot deny that I have enjoyed nearly every major film version I have ever seen.

The story has become so popular and famous that fact actually overshadows how great it really is. Beautiful and witty writing, with a playfulness that eases the possibly saccharine tone without undercutting the sentiment of the story. If you've never read it, I recommend that you do, if only for the opening paragraph, that is a really funny little stream-of-consciousness reflection on how incredibly dead Marley is, dead as a doornail, though why that's the deadest piece of ironmongery, Mr. Dickens really has no idea. :-)

It's almost silly how many of these that are special to me. I love Mickey's Christmas Carol, with Scrooge MacDuck, one of my all-time favorite Disney characters, playing the central role for which he was named. I love The Muppet Christmas Carol, starring Michael Caine with the lovely touch of Gonzo serving as the Charles Dickens-stand-in narrator. I love the solemn, serious, straight-up version made to showcase Patrick Stewart. I particularly love the TV movie version that came out in 2005 starring one of my most favorite actors Kelsey Grammer, with songs by Alan Menken, that is a well-made and truly moving piece of musical theater.

The way they cast their own characters in the story's roles really make it for me. Of course Kermit and Mickey play the softy role of Bob Crachit. Bean Bunny in the cameo as the boy in the street. I love Donald in the charmingly parallel role of Scrooge's nephew Fred. Moley and Ratty from Wind in the Willows as the two gentlemen from the charity. Scrooge's first boss "Fozziwig." Pete as the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come.

It's such a charming story, very universal even though its setting is Christmas, about how sympathy and understanding for one's fellow man can redeem an old sinner, about keeping the spirit of goodwill toward men. Yeah, it's kind of cheesy, and certainly has been done to death. But I love the idea that there is pity and compassion buried in even the hardest heart, and that "a life can be made right."

Happy table

Hope you all have had as happy a Thanksgiving as I have. <3

Only the good

Yesterday I:

- read a good book

- accomplished a lot of housecleaning

- did a little work on a piece of theater I'm writing

- spent a nice chunk of the day with good friends

- said "I love you" and heard "I love you too" in return

- called my parents for a chat

- ran some errands in town by way of a long walk that was really good exercise

- bought a pretty new pashmina for six dollars

- drank a Mexican Coke and ate a small scoop of ice cream while still keeping within my daily calorie limit thanks to the exercise from the walk

- orangized the dresses in my closet

- cooked dinner for people I love

- began work on a new sewing project

If only I'd patted a nice animal and got to do a little acting or roleplaying, it would have been a perfect day.

Today I saw that phoenix_rinna* mentioned that she is going to try posting one positive thing about every day. I think this is a great idea, because focusing on that sort of thing helps keep me out of the holes I fall into. I am going to try it myself.

The newest addition to our little family

My grownup corner is no longer in quite the same state it used to be. My beloved butcher block is under the window now, while my collection of copper pots hangs on another wall. But it sure does look lovely against the blue wallpaper, and the adorable little spice rack that blendedchaitea* made is a charming companion for it. And doesn't the newest addition to our little copper family look nice? :-D

I'm beginning to think my journal needs a "home decor" tag, given how often I write about it lately.

Big beautiful copper bowl

As I've mentioned, I'm a huge fan of copper cookware. It delights me to no end to have it in my kitchen. Unfortunately it tends to be very expensive, especially when bought new. Today when I was doing my final costume run for Margaret I was in the Framingham Savers, on my way out, I spotted this lovely copper mixing bowl, ten inches across and about five quarts in volume.



And this is no piece of junk copper. Most of the copper I've been fortunate enough to find in thrift stores tends towards the cheaper sort, thinly coated, lacking the heft that characterizes the good stuff. This, however, is sturdy and substantial, not to mention a sizeable piece. Mauviel, the premier manufacturer of copper cookware in the world, sells a bowl of this size for $130.00.

I paid $2.99. HELL, YEAH.

Vanity table finished!

I just had to post a close up of how lovely it turned out. The varnish just makes it glow. I am so pleased.

Bedroom vanity, Mk2

I wasn't planning to post about this again twice in one day, but I'm just so pleased!

I hung the mirror on the wall with monkey hooks and a length of 18-gauge mirror wire. Monkey hooks are cool, they're meant to be hand-pressed into drywall and slide up behind so that a tiny little hooked tail sticks out of the wall for hanging supported by a long, upward-curving top. I placed the hooks just a smidge lower than I meant to, meaning the table has to go just a little bit in front of it, but it still looks very nice. Even, too! The wire allowed for fine adjustment.

What pleases me most of all is how the table came out. A while ago morethings5* very thoughtfully gave me a bag of various wood stains and sealants. This was just the nicest thing for me, as I have a deep love for the look of stained wood and have used them for a number of projects since, like the coffee table in my living room. For this one, I compared the samples on the labels of each color of stain to the wood of my bedroom set, but found none of them really matched. So I decided to try combining them by layers to see if two together might work. I first used a ruddy color called Sedona Red and allowed that to dry. Then I layered over it with a much darker shade of Walnut. I had to bring it back upstairs to compare it with the frame of the mirror, and look at the result! It's a damn near match! How about that? :-D

I am ridiculously pleased. All that remains now is to seal it with a nice protective polyurethane finish. There's a couple of those to choose from in my lovely gift from Jonathan. Then I will have a perfect bedroom vanity! I love house decorating stuff.

The Great Move-en-ing, and Jared visit!

Several things to report on, but most importantly, Jared is going to be in town! He is coming to visit from Thursday to Monday, and I'm hoping people will be around so that he can see them at some point during that time. Plans are not totally settled yet, but after I pick him up from the airport on Thursday we will be grabbing dinner in Boston downtown, and then heading to BSCF where I'm hoping for a lovely evening of gaming with friends. Yay! So excited.

The Great Move-en-ing has commence, though less smoothly than I would have liked. Our landlord said we were going to have a cleaning person come in yesterday to do the place from top to bottom (for which a substantial chunk was taken out of our security deposits, grumble grumble) but then the person never showed up. I am incredibly irritated, as we all went out of our way to get the house straightened up for it, and because blendedchaitea* was out of town when it was supposed to happen, I even packed up her stuff for her so it would be cleared away in time. I was happy to help out, but I felt awkward just going through her things, and was really nervous that I would be inconveniencing her because she wouldn't know where I put everything. I called the landlord yesterday to ask what was up but didn't get a hold of him. Sigh. I'll have to try again today, as I was really hoping this would be done before aurora_knight* and nennivian* got here.

Yesterday I also went over to grad to help Plesser and Marissa move in. I finally got to see what the newly remodeled inside of grad looks like. It's actually quite nice, with all the walls and ceilings redone, and all new fixtures and appliances in the kitchen and bathroom. Grad is actually a decent place to live now, but of course, only now that Jared's moved out and I no longer spend half of my nights there. :-P There wasn't actually a ton of work to be done-- there were so many of us that the actual moving of stuff took like two trips --but I'm glad I made the effort. Plesser was in a rather nasty car accident lately, and though he's mostly all right, thank God, he still has blood in his eyes that make him look rather demonic, and isn't supposed to exert himself for the time being. He and Marissa have a two-person grad with a common room, which is quite nice, except that the common-room furniture that Brandeis had hitherto provided was not present. Since they moved in early, it may be that the school just won't deliver it until the last moment, but there is a possibility that they just don't provide it anymore. Which is pretty silly, in my opinion-- why wouldn't they just keep offering the stuff they've been offering in previous years? Oh, Brandeis, what a pain you can be, but I hope Jonathan and Marissa are comfortable there.

So I am preparing myself to make plans with Jared, and help Charlotte and Jane move in on Tuesday. And, if all goes according to plan, I will be seeing katiescarlett29* tonight! I have missed her so, and she's finally back in town. So I am certainly set for occupation and social interaction this week, not least of all with Jared!

Jared visit!

In an amazing stroke of good fortune, Jared will be visiting this coming week! He has not one but two interviews for jobs that interest him, so he'll be coming up Monday and staying until Friday. :-) I'm so excited; I really hope these work out for him, because if they do, it means he will be back in town! You have no idea how eagerly I await that. This was a very spur of the moment trip, so I don't have a lot of time to plan fun things to do. At the very least, I hope you'll all come to BSCF this week because he'd love to see and spend time with everyone.

Just two more days until he comes!

Awesome Independence Day

Had a wonderful Fourth of July weekend. Went to a fantastic party with Bernie, lightgamer*, and morethings5*, who are some of my favorite people to do anything with, let alone going to fun parties. I had a blast at this same party last year, and so was really really looking forward to going to this year's. My excitement grew when shortly before the day, captainecchi* sent out an e-mail saying we could swim in the lake if we brought our swimsuits! I was so happy we did; that was the first time I'd been swimming in over a year, and it was a lot of fun. My poor bikini doesn't get to come out and play often enough! We swam and canoed and explored islands and I didn't get the whole story but I'm pretty sure Kindness beat a bear into submission with his bare fists. ;-) It was cool. Then we came back to the house where electric_d_monk* grilled up some fantastic burgers, hot dogs, and corn on the cob. I had made my "inaccessible rice," as some are wont to call it, with the golden raisins, pecans, mint, and scallions and brought it along. And because the beef in the burgers was locally grown, lightgamer* actually got to eat one! I was happy for him, since they were damn good burgers, and I am sorry when anyone can't enjoy deliciousness. Then there were board games, fantastic strawberry shortcake, and morethings5* sweetly offering to learn how to brush out my hair. The party was a blast, the food was excellent, the company was great, and it was also lovely getting to spend time with captainecchi* and electric_d_monk*. Thanks to our gracious hosts for having such a fun gathering!

Marissa moved into Elsinore on the Fourth as well. Unfortunately I was at the party when she got in, and due to feeling sick and gross with the heat the next day I did not so much welcome her as spend the day hiding from all human contact like a small wild animal. I shall have to rectify that soon. I may also have to take steps to rectify the intense heat situation in my bedroom. For some reason, no matter what the weather, my room is always the mostly extremely affected in the house, making it an icebox in winter and a blast furnace in summer. Climate control is expensive, but it's getting to the point of unbearableness.

Slutty clothes + slutty clothes = not-slutty outfit!

Okay, I just did something really cool-- at least, I think so. I was digging through my closet, trying to get my seasonally-appropriate stuff into the places of easiest access. In the course of digging I pulled out my "dress hanger," the large sturdy fancy hanger on which I hang my very few nice dresses. It holds the sparkly blue dress that I am grateful to Steph and Charlotte for convincing me to buy, the flame-orange dress that Frances wore in To Think of Nothing, and my black cocktail dress.

Just for fun I put on the cocktail dress just to admire how good it looks on me. What I like about it is that the front is simple and fairly modest, with a square neckline and a hem that ends a handsbreadth above my knees, but it is backless to my tailbone, with just two thin strings stretching across that bare expanse. I have always found backless styles to be the epitome of sexiness, and that works for me, since I have, if you'll excuse my saying, a very sexy back. I started thinking to myself what a shame it was that I don't often get a chance to wear it.

Then something occurred to me. On a whim, I dug out my new red blouse with the very low neckline that I just got at the Garment District and pulled it on over the dress. My reflection pleased me to no end. Each piece is lovely, in my opinion, on its own. But how many occasions do I have to wear a cocktail dress or a plunging neckline? But together, the blouse and the dress made each other more appropriate for regular wear. The blouse covered the open back of the dress, and the dress filled in the empty neckline of the blouse. And low and behold, they look very cute together! I am so pleased with myself for discovering this. Who would have imagined that two slutty articles of clothing when worn together make for a non-slutty outfit! I may prefer the look of a little more skin, but when that's not possible, now I have an adorable dressy option that isn't quite so daring! Yay!

Porkstravaganza

I have had some lovely dinner parties, but this one I just had was especially fun and successful. I had decided to take advantage of the only good part of not having Jared or Bernie around, getting to cook trayf. So I wanted to throw on some pork for myself and some friends I thought would appreciate it. My first thought was chops, because there is nothing like a good brined pork chop, but I always do chops when I serve pork, and there were to be so many guests that I'd have to cook them in several batches. Seemed like a pain. I could do a roast, which would have been delicious and fed lots of people eaily, but the preparation was so simple I thought I would challenge myself instead. So, recalling a diinner out wiith Jared and in_water_writ* from several years ago, I decided to try my hand at stuffing a tenderloin. I carefully butterflied an eight-pound loin (cut in half to fit in the pan), stuffed it with a mixture of cornbread, onion, celery, and chicken broth, rolled it up, and secured it with butcher's twine and wooden skewers. Carefully sticking it through with my probe thermometer, I cooked the bugger to temperature-- since starting to do that, my meat has come out of the oven a lot better. Accompanied by baked sweet potatoes and a side salad of mesclun, pecans, red pepper, and red onion dressed with olive oil and balsamic vinegar, I am pleased to report that every diner present had an enjoyable meal.

Summa cum laude

As of this weekend, Jared Hite now has a bachelors of arts in philosophy with a minor in legal studies from Brandeis University, graduating summa cum laude with high honors from his thesis. I'm so proud of him.

I spent most of the weekend helping him move out of his dorm. His parents came into town to see him graduate, and Friday and Saturday were spent clearing out his surprisingly large amount of stuff for the contents of one dorm room. Some of it was packed to go back to Chicago, some of it was sent to his local storage locker. It was a lot of work for a hot day, but things went smoothly enough. The next day was commencement, and a considerably less enjoyable experience. I strongly dislike graduation ceremonies for a number of reasons, so other than getting to hear Jared's fantastic status announced to everyone, the whole business was very unpleasant for me. But we went out to a fantastic dinner in the evening, so the ended well despite it all.

Jared will be staying with me for one more week. Then he is going back to Chicago for the summer, with the intent of spending it job and apartment-hunting and then coming back to Boston in September. I think this is the best thing for him, he needs time to de-stress and have few responsibilities for a while, but I will certainly miss him. There's even a part of me that is afraid he won't be able to come back. But we'll just have to be hopeful and dilligent and pray for the best. I'll be a little down about it, but I'm going to do what I can to just hope things turn out.

Merlin dog!

My parents just got a new dog!

After our old dog Carmen passed away at age fourteen, my mom has really missed having a dog around the house, and she finally determined she was going to get another one. She decided she didn't want a puppy with all the accompanying puppy behaviors, so she thought it might be nice to find a rescue dog, who would be slightly older and in need of a good home. We'd had wonderful experiences with Brittanys because of Carmen, so she thought they might get a similar type of dog. So she contacted the Mid-Atlantic English Springer Spaniel Rescue Service and they connected her and my dad with a sweet, energetic six-or-seven-year-old boy that they just brought home yesterday. They went to meet him yesterday, saying they would get to know him a bit and decide if he was the right dog for them, and it turned out that they loved him, so he is now our newest animal family member. They didn't know what his real name was at the rescue and had given him some placeholder name, so Mom decided to call him Merlin. She always wanted a dog named Merlin. :-)



They say he's very obedient, always looking to someone for direction, though they think as he gets more used to his new home he'll be a lot bolder. He particularly loves my brother. He likes chasing balls but doesn't like to give them up once he's caught them. I wish I could meet him, but it will probably be a long time before I get a chance to visit home again. My parents, particularly my mom, are very happy with him, so I am very happy they've found him.

"You don't mess with Animal. He eats glass, man."

I would like to extend an amazing thanks to flyingstalins* for pointing me in the direction of the Muppet special I was seeking. It is called "Secrets of the Muppets" (the fact that I was always searching using the words "behind-the-scenes" may have prevented me from finding it) and I delightedly watched it on Youtube yesterday. It was really cool to be reminded just how much effort and cleverness goes into making the Muppets seem so real and seamless. Henson's work is so beautifully and appears so effortless it's easy to forget what technological genius it required to put it together. It makes me want to devote my life to puppetry just to share in some small part of the fantastic acheivement.

Now I want to watch Muppet stuff all day long. Also, this picture, combined with the caption beneath it, cracked me up:


"Sam disapproves of Liberace."

Heehee. Yes, I am certain that Sam does. ;-)