"You never know what you can do until you have to."

My mother says that a lot. "You never know what you can do until you have to." As someone who in the last few years has had to deal with a lot of things she never had to before, she would know better than most. Of course, I personally think it's just her modest way of brushing off my wonder at how tough she is. But especially for those of us who aren't quite so strong in normal circumstances, what comes out when it matters can surprise you.

We had a great first weekend of Sherlock Holmes performances. Thanks so much to all you wonderful friends who came to see it. But Friday was far and away the toughest night for me to get through, and I'll tell you why. I had a to do list made up of all the things I had to accomplish before my 6:30 call and I was making good progress by around 3:30 when I noticed as I spoke to Steph that I could only see about half of her face. A halo was developing in my right eye, which for me is always the first sign of an onset of a migraine. Three hours before call on opening night, and I was coming down with a migraine. Of all the rotten luck.

Steph kindly made me some tea while I took some Excedrin and tried to plan. One thing was certain, I had to be at the show, and I was not going to screw up my performance of the best role I've had in years. So I slugged the tea and tried to sleep it off, but I woke up about an hour later with my head pounding and my guts rolling. I found my phone and texted Bernie-- "help". He works over at Brandeis so he could get over in just a few minutes. "I know you," he said. "If you're asking for help, you must be in trouble."

He was wonderful, bringing me water and cool washcloths and rubbing my forehead, but I was in bad shape. I threw up five times, could hardly sit up. Bernie called Matt, my director, to warn him that I was sick. By the time six rolled around and it was time to leave, he said that he would drive me. I was nauseous the whole way, but managed to make it without incident. Word of my migraine spread fast, and the rest of the cast and crew was wonderful, sympathetic and encouraging and trying to be helpful. I laid sadly on the green room couch and threw up about five more times. Some of my fellows told me later that they didn't know how I was going to manage to go on. But at a half-hour to places, I dragged myself up, put on my makeup, and made myself appear a reasonable facsimile of an upright, prepared actor.

And I got through. I didn't even screw up any of the myriad costume changes I had to make, thanks in large part to my lovely dresser Stephanie. I'm told the scene where I am pale and distressed from being a prisoner inside my house for several days looked unusually realistic, but largely my performance was where it was supposed to be. I'm very proud of myself for bearing up. And I'm extremely grateful to my concerned and supportive cast and crew, and of course to Bernie, who was a prince, and without whom I never would have made it.

Hopefully next weekend will begin more auspiciously. My parents and brother are coming, as well as some more lovely people. I will do my best to take better care of myself so I am not forced to work through this again. But it's nice to know that I can be a tough little bastard when I need to.

Travel, Tailor, and tired, so very very tired

Gah, what an intense week. Started my school assignments, had a ton of stuff to do at work, and launched my audio drama project. I have been writing or otherwise working almost constantly since Monday, and the last few days have been especially busy. My brain feels like it's overloaded the circuit and blown a fuse. But it's not done yet. Today I have to drive to the Berkshires for a two-day company retreat for work. I'm not a huge fan of driving and I don't ski, so I'm not terribly excited, but it won't be so bad. I'm packing up now, and am just thankful that the snow quit before today.

Friday we had the read through of the first two episodes of The Tailor of Riddling Way. Most of the cast was able to attend, and we had a nice dinner together before going through the script. I am actually pretty pleased with what I put together. Hearing the whole thing read showed me the weak spots, too, the places that require tweaking and change.

Bernie and I also made our first shot at recording on Saturday. I hadn't originally planned on jumping in immediately, without time to do any planning, but Caitlin is going away to her acting program in Connecticut for the semester. I really, really wanted to use her because she's so talented, so we had to fit her in before she left. She was incredibly patient with our experimenting; our whole team was, in fact. Niel Marsh, the gentleman who plays Porek in Second Shift and the man in charge of audio for Mask of Inanna, kindly dropped by to give us some advice on how to proceed. I was especially glad to have Bernie helping. His technical background allowed him to understand what Niel was talking about, which was incredibly helpful. I don't know how I'd be managing this without him. Niel also brought with him, so she could act off of Caitlin in a scene they had together. I've never gotten the chance to work with Rigel before, and I was very pleased. I think she suits the character very well, and understands the personality really well. rounded out our little team, filling in for the one actor we didn't have present. Everyone was so great, and not only did we learn a lot from the session, I think we got some good material recorded as well. I'm happy to say I think our little experiment is off to a good start.

Merely Players triumphant

Merely Players came to its triumphant conclusion this weekend, and I am incredibly pleased. We filled our little house both nights, and most gratifyingly of all, they laughed! They followed the show and got the humor! Thanks so much to all you lovely people who came out to see it. Your support means a great deal to me.

Plus we got to test the unusual performance format. More than just our show doing well, I am pleased by the proof of concept. People will come to a show with a cabaret-style setup and buy the snacks and have a good time. That is a doable endeavor that will succeed. Hold Thy Peace could use this format for side projects in the future.

Schwartz is a shit theater space, let me tell you. It's more meant to be a lecture hall than a performance venue, so opportunities for tech are minimal-- a presention sound system and a couple of light switches you can flip on and off are pretty much the extent of it. But we chose it because it fit the aesthetic of our show. I didn't want the polished atmosphere of trying to immerse you in the illusion of another world that so much theater aims for. Instead we wanted, as I like to say, all the nuts and bolts of theater on display. Instead of hiding the trappings of a production, we used them as our set dressing-- you could see our cruddy worklights on the side aisles, the props tables and costume rack set out in plain view. And on top of that, the actors were almost never out of sight, always in character off to the sides even when they weren't on the stage. It drove the point of the metatheater home nicely, and created an immersion of another sort, one where the audience almost feels like it's on the inside of the production rather than just being witness to the final product of it.

It wouldn't have happened without our fabulous staff. Sari, Sam, and Elena came in to wrangle the lousy space and equipment into submission, making our technical functions work in spite of everything. The hardworking waitstaff made up of Plesser, Caitlin, Charlotte, Tziporah, and Simon I thank most graciously for lending their time and effort to pulling off this whole "cabaret with concessions" scheme. Rachel is consistently one of the only designers I feel like I can simply hand off the job to, because I always trust her to do good work. And of course there's Bernie, for whom none of my theatrical endeavors would ever get off the ground. He supports me tirelessly with his work and expertise, and I can't express how amazing I find it that he can take the entire technical burden off my shoulders and make it appear, almost by magic, for me every single time.

My cast was great as well. Lenny, for example, blows me away with how incredibly generous an actor she is, having an excellent sense of how to balance the push-pull of onstage interaction. I chose the role of the Fool for her just to watch her GO, and she did not disappoint. For someone so big and active onstage, she really know how to share it, to extend when it's her time such that she holds the eye captive, and to withdraw to allow attention to shift to those onstage with her. She and Andrew have a particularly remarkable ability to read one another, to pick up on where the other is going and then to move to meet and balance them. I saw it first in Othello when they played Iago and Roderigo, but it definitely showed here too. Andrew himself is finally really hitting his stride as an actor, learning how to use his physicality, make effective choices, and convey expression with his voice. I can't wait to see how he continues to grow; this was a very good semester for him, first with an important serious role in Margaret, and then a comedic one in Merely Players.

Steph was so great in her part as the Director. The character was very much outside her acting experience, and she'd also never done comedy before, so the great work she did here really impressed me with her stretching. The character is in many ways one big parody of yours truly, and Steph exaggerated many of my habits and mannerisms to great effect. I loved how she threw herself into it, pushed herself and tried stuff to see what worked. I think she was one of the funniest parts of the show and probably my favorite of the characters.

I love Gigi's acting. I find her to be incredibly expressive and her enthusiasm makes her a joy to work with. She was my first choice for the role of the Ingenue because pretty much all of her previous roles required her to portray a more mature and dignified presence, something she is very good at, but I love seeing people do things that are different. She was adorable and charming, using a lot of her natural energy to bring the character to life.

Ben was just perfect as the Lead. I don't think he's ever had such a large important role before, so the chance to really get into and develop a character helped him immensely. I find it is often the case that an actor with growing room will often make a lot of progress if trusted with a part he can really work with. Ben has a gift for comedy, which helped, but I think it also encouraged him to create a definite physicality and expressiveness in letting him cut loose and really own the stage. I wonder if he can translate that forward leap into drama as well, and I look forward to seeing what he's like in his next role.

I just fell in love with niobien*'s work. The play would not support another person with dialogue, but I wanted to have a stage manager character in there. It was Bernie's suggestion to make the character silent. It turned out to be the coolest idea. People have a prejudice against non-speaking roles as less important, but pantomime is a difficult and dying art and I did NOT write this role to be a throwaway. It takes a lot of skill and effort to convey yourself without getting to say what you're thinking. Carolyn was amazing at that. She's never done a show as an actor before, but she was so enthusiastic and adventurous. Her expressions and her instincts were wonderful, making the character funny, endearing, and totally readable. I'd love to work with her again in a speaking role, but I am so glad that I trusted the difficult challenge of building a character out of pantomime to her.

April made for an excellent Diva. She learned to balance the over-the-topness of her character's humor with the occasional moments that demanded real, serious acting. She had great chemistry with Ben, and they made for some really fabulous interaction. Those two characters are supposed to constantly try to outdo each other, and it's no small thing that they managed to convey that without actually upstaging each other or failing to work together on the meta-level.

I also loved the visual texture provided by the techie characters, Emma, Jenna, and Miriam. Having them support the scenes made for so much additional humor. Their pieces required a lot of timing, energy, and discernment to nail just right, and they did wonderful things with it. This is a very pro-techie show, you'll notice, depicting them as the most competent and least screwed-up people involved. Though make what you will of my choosing to make the stage manager the silent character; some would say I have stolen that technical voice, while others may see it as a a reflection of how she's given up in the wake of so much actor madness.

Thus concludes my second produced play. Here's hoping that things continue on this vein, and I am blessed with such wonderful collaborators who will help me put on my work. Thank you again, all who shared the experience with me, and came to see the results of our labors. <3

Merely Players tech week begins

Yesterday was the beginning of Merely Players tech week. I was tired going in, due to the fact that I'd spent the weekend finishing my enormous final grad school assignment for the semester, but I always seem to kick into gear once the urgency of the final days of production sets in. I like the energy of tech week, the feeling of everyone involved focusing in on their tasks to put the show together. It doesn't matter how tired I am, I go into CREATIVE ADRENALINE HYPERDRIVE MODE and off we go, getting things done. And of course these Hold Thy Peace one-act side projects have the best tech weeks. The shorter the show and the smaller the cast, the easier it is to get everything prepared ahead of time and hit the ground running once we get into the theater. For To Think of Nothing it was perfect, like a series of well-designed gears clicking together and snapping into place. For Merely Players it's a little rougher due to the space; tech and set has to be minimal in a lousy performance space like Schwartz Auditorium, but we still had to arrange the lights and set the stage to suit our purposes. For us load-in consisted primary of moving our mountain of costumes and props into the theater; a hallmark of the first night of tech week for me is spending an hour beforehand packing all our stuff into my car and feeling so grateful that we can just leave it in the space until we're done. We got three lovely techies, Elena, Sari, and Samantha-- real techies, not the actors-playing-techies in the show --to come and help, and we set cast and crew alike to setting up the lights and putting together the costume rack and seeing that the prop tables were all properly laid out. On Bernie's suggestion we first did a walk-through of all the blocking in the new space. I think that was extremely helpful for the actors to get their bearings, because the first full run was smoother than even I'd hoped. We still have a bit of polishing of the timing and spacing to get down, but by and large they were very comfortable and the run was very strong. I am so pleased and proud of them. If we keep this up, by opening night this Friday we are going to do a fantastic performance of the first actually funny comedy HTP has done since Comedy of Errors my junior year.

Official Invitation: Hold Thy Peace presents MERELY PLAYERS

“All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages.” —Jacques, As You Like It, II.ii.139-166









Meet the Walking Shadows, a ragtag little troupe of Shakespearean actors as they struggle to revitalize a company that has seen better days! Come join us for this fun and funny Shakespeare revue that intersperses scenes from the Bard's most famous work with original comedic material poking fun at the nature of performing in a troupe and working together to make theater.

Seating is cabaret-style, with drinks and snacks available for purchase! All proceeds benefit future productions of Hold Thy Peace. Cash only, please.

Two nights only!
November 11th at 8PM
November 12th at 8PM

in Schwartz Auditorium at Brandeis University

Runtime: ~1 hour

Admission is free, donations gladly accepted

CAST
CORNELIA, the Director - Stephanie Karol (Goneril, Helena, Mark Antony, Thalia, Duchess of Gloucester)
SYLVIA, the Ingenue - Gabrielle Geller (Lady Capulet, Portia, Hermione)
DIONYZA, the Diva - April Farmer (Regan, Nurse, Decius, Shepherd)
MALCOLM, the Lead - Ben Federlin (Montano, King Lewis of France)
ORLANDO, the Lover - Andrew Prentice (Lord Montague, Cleomenes, Roderigo, Edward of York)
ARCITE, the Fool - Lenny Somervell (Edgar, Theseus, Autolycus, Iago)
VALERIA, the First Chorus - Jenna Schlags (Oswald, Clown, Emilia)
CRESSIDA, the Second Chorus - Emma Lieberman (Perdita, Bianca, Lady Bona)
CHARMIAN, the Third Chorus - Miriam Goldman (Brabantia)
Introducing
AUDREY, the Stage Manager - Carolyn Daitch
with
Waitresses - Caitlin Partridge (Juliet, Casca, Euphrosyne, Camilla, Desdemona, Margaret) and Charlotte Oswald (Hippolyta, Selene, Duchess of Venice, Duke of Gloucester)
Bartender - Jonathan Plesser (Albany, Lysander, Friar Lawrence, Julius Caesar, Damon, Polixenes, Othello, Duke of Suffolk)

CREW
Writer, Director, Costume Designer - Phoebe Roberts
Stage Manager, Technical Designer - Bernie Gabin
Producer, Research Assistant - Stephanie Karol
Hair and Makeup Artist, Choreography Assistant - Rachel Feldman
Choreography Assistant - Carolyn Daitch

Intense week of theater

Gah. Things started getting busy last Thursday and won't let up until the end of this coming weekend. We got Jared successfully moved into his new place with an intrepid team of him, Bernie, Steph, and myself. It actually went pretty smoothly except for the actual travel, because traffic was so awful it took three times as long to get anywhere as it should have. But I'm glad to have gotten it taken care of, and I think it's been nice for Jared to be in Somerville since he's in tech week for his show.

The show is going to be going up this coming weekend. I promised to attend all four performances starting on Thursday, the Saturday of which the big potluck picnic will be. I am excited, but I need to be ready and in organizational mode to make sure everything goes off all right. Hope to see as many lovely friends as possible there!

As for my own activities, this past weekend I spent finishing my latest homework assignment and recovering from a blindingly bad migraine. Saturday and Sunday I spent working, but I woke up on Labor Day with a halo in my right eye that I only noticed when I tried to go back to my school reading. Soon the headache set in on the left side of my head, followed by waves of nausea and vomiting. If Bernie hadn't been able to quickly run me over some Excedrin Migraine, I don't know what I would have done. I've only just started getting migraines about a year and a half ago, and even then I've only ever had four or five, but that was easily the worst one I've ever had. I had recently experienced a lot of the factors that contribute to getting migraines-- stress, long hours staring at a computer screen, hormonal changes due to my prescription running out and being unable to get a timely refill appointment --but it does kind of make me nervous that they seem to have become worse with every episode. It may be something worth addressing with a doctor, before I end up with an aneurysm or something.

Auditions for Merely Players are tomorrow night. I was a little nervous at first, as not very many people had contacted me with interest in coming out, but now it looks like things will be fine. I'm very excited to nail down a cast for this. I have not gotten the name of a single person I wouldn't like to cast, so I fear if I get many more I'm going to run into the same painful situation as I did with To Think of Nothing-- more fantastic people than I can use. The decision maker will probably end up being comparing it to Dave's cast list for Margaret and taking those with smaller parts of who didn't get parts in his show, which was my plan all along.

I also am trying out for a couple of things myself. I found a production of Titus and a production of Romeo and Juliet that have an open call. I wish they weren't this week, as it doesn't leave me a ton of time to prepare, but them's the breaks sometimes. I am not terribly optimistic, as I've tried out for a lot of things this summer that I didn't get in, but you never know unless you try. That is the closest I can get to being hopeful, I suppose, being convinced it's futile but keeping at it anyway. It's probably the only thing keeping my functional, given what a pessimist I really am.

It's MY phone, dude, talk to ME.

Yesterday I went to the Apple store to get my phone fixed. I called my dad on Bernie's phone but didn't get him, asking him to call me back at that number because I wanted his opinion on how I should handle the various possibilities for fixing the phone. After that the service guy came to talk to me about the problem. He explained it decently well, but I noticed he kept looking over to Bernie as he talked to me, making a particular effort to include him in the conversation. Before long, I was getting the distinct impression that his looks that way were basically meant to convey "Are you listening, dude? 'Cause you're probably going to have to help her with this later, so you'd better hear what's going on." Like he didn't trust that if he only spoke to me that I'd understand well enough for the problem to get resolved. And I am extremely offended by this.

I might have read the situation wrong. He might have just been trying to politely include Bernie in the discussion because Bernie was standing right next to me and it was either that or ignore him. But I've gone to the Apple store with Bernie many times before, usually to deal with Bernie's machines, and I don't remember any of the technicians trying to engage ME in the discussion just because I happened to be there.

It's probably not just that I'm a girl. It's probably just as much about being a girl that looked the way I did. I certainly think my clothes worked against me. I was wearing what I wore to work, which was nice even for my normal work standards, a white eyelet wrap dress, silver jewelry, black heels. It's an expensive dress and it looks it; I got it as a handmedown from my mother. I happened to be carrying my black patent Gucci bag, a lucky consignment find which I normally save for special occasions, because it matched my shoes. Very feminine, very upscale-looking. In addition to being a man, Bernie, by contrast, looks a significantly more practical person than someone in heels and eyelet. Maybe I should have worn jeans and a nerdy T-shirt (:-P) instead. Maybe if I hadn't been dressed in a way that screamed "I care about clothes and the way I look," maybe he would have given me more credit for being able to understand my technology. Because apparently these two things cannot exist in a person simultaneously.

And then, to top it all off, as the conversation was winding down but was not yet over, my Dad called me back. I had to pick up because I'd asked him to call Bernie's phone, and I didn't want to leave him hanging, but I had to excuse myself from talking to the guy... which allowed him to fully engage the conversation with Bernie... so I could talk to my dad. This bugged the hell out of me. I mean, Dad didn't do anything, I'd called him and asked him to call me back because I wanted his opinion, but Jesus Christ, did I feel like the Little Girl while the Men talked technical stuff while I had to go get instructions from Daddy.

I am pissed at this guy, and I am pissed at myself. It occurred to me more than once to say, "Don't talk to him, talk to me, it's my phone." But I didn't because I didn't think the guy meant any harm, and I didn't want to come off as a bitch in case he was just trying to be polite by not totally ignoring the other person present. But I wish I had said something, very nicely and not aggressively, asking him to please tell ME about MY technology and not the MAN standing next to me.

No, I don't know technology as well as Bernie does. But it's not because I'm a girl, it's because I'm less interested. If I cared to, there is nothing stopping me. Don't make presumptions about my intelligence because of my gender, or how nicely I'm dressed. It's not okay to assume that pretty girls must be dumb

It's rare that I feel treated differently for being a woman. But this time I very much did, and it's really upsetting to be patronzied like that. This guy treated me wrong, but I failed too by not standing up for myself. And I am pissed at myself for not saying anything.

"We did acrobatic interpretations of Russian novels. I spent 7 hours on a trapeze in a overcoat."

The Burn Notice game went well last night. I felt especially good going into this one, partially because I was so excited to get back to this game, and partially because I was feeling very well-prepared. Jared and I had hammered out a particularly well-thought-out storyline this time around. While normally I do try to be very thorough, I usually have some gaps in what I've settled on that need to be filled in on the fly, but for this plot things were about as fleshed out as they possibly could be. I have Jared's help to thank for that.

Probably the thing I love best about this game is how the players play off of each other. The original three, Bernie, Matt, and Kindness, have established these awesome relationships between their characters that they roleplay so well together. And even better, before long Michael was clicking into it too, and I had an entire table to fun, funny, dynamic players who did interesting things, had fabulous interactions, and interspersed so much humor between the more serious plot moments of the game. Seeing as getting that going was my whole purpose in starting up the game, I am ridiculously pleased.

I still sometimes think I'm the world's lamest GM, given that I forget stuff like action dice and sometimes have to say, "Okay, GM break time," then go hide in the bathroom and rock back and forth muttering "What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?" But of course, there is no scenario you can entirely plan out, because players always always do things you don't necessarily expect. Still, I think I did a good job of expanding the concepts I already had to give responses to the actions they took. The one thing I'm a little disappointed with myself over is how I handled the investigation of the red herring in the plot. They were supposed to look into it and figure out that it wasn't actually the solution to the mystery, but unfortunately I couldn't find a way to tie in any actually useful clue into that investigation. I guess that's not unrealistic, but I didn't want the players to feel as if they'd wasted all that time. Not sure they did, but I think I could have handled it a little more skillfully.

What I want to do from here is activate more of the personal and meta-plots for the characters. I planted a couple of seeds for future things here and there, but they need to start factoring in. That will require a lot more planning on my part, but it will make the story and world so much richer.

Sewing project progress: Steph's purple toile apron part III

Or, "The point at which Phoebe decides to pretty much throw out the pattern instructions and do what she thinks is best!"

First Shana commented on my last progress report to suggest a double layer of fabric over the top part of the apron to make it stronger and more protective. That was a good suggestion, as I noticed that my apron is made that way as well. Thanks, Shana! I didn't have enough of the purple toile to make that second layer, but I did have a decent-sized scrap of white linen left over from morethings5*'s chitin costume that he wore for hazliya* 's fabulous deer spirit photo shoot. Waste not, want not, right? So, with Bernie's help measuring, cutting, and putting things in place, I cut that to match the trapezoidal top part of my apron piece, unpinned the folded-over edge, slid the linen underneath that edge, and then repinned it all around.

But I have noticed a problem with my pattern piece-- as Bernie pointed out, it's really short. An apron should come about from the chest to just around the knees. This one, despite my double-checking that I got the measurements right, only would hit at about the thighs. So we decided it needed to be extended. We took the largest piece of purple toile I had left, made sure it would match up across the top of that trapezoid, and cut another rectangle to make for a chest piece to go on the top. That we also lined with the linen, tucking it beneath the folded-under edges all around.

This piece plus the main piece makes for a long enough apron. The ties will then go across the place where they meet. I know with the original design the slanted lines of the trapezoid were supposed to be to allow space for the arms, and I was worried that if the piece had extensions of fabric that weren't cinched in by the ties they would flap around while the wearer was trying to work, but I experimented with tying the piece on myself and walking around, and both Bernie and blendedchaitea* agreed that it seemed fine. So that's what I am going to go with.

To further reinforce things, and also to make the back look a little more polished, I took a long strip of the remaining scrap of purple toile, folded it in on itself to make it an inch wide, and laid it across the bottom of the linen. I folded the loose edge of the linen under, then pinned the strip across it. I figure I will sew that down just to the linen so it doesn't show through on the other side, but kind of finishes things up cleanly on the back side.

 

I am pretty much completely out of the purple toile now, so I hope I don't need it for anything else. With all of these changes, I don't know how useful the remaining sewing instructions on the pattern will be. I know I definitely have to move the ties, and since I'll have to attach the newly-improvised chest piece to the larger apron piece, I will want the ties to cover up that seam. So I may have to make up my own way of doing it there. But I think the piece will be better for these changes, and more useful to Steph.

Boston Olive Oil Company

So my parents recently discovered an olive oil and balsamic vinegar taproom in my hometown, a lovely store full of stainless steel drums containing various types of my personal gourmet addiction. They have fine oils from all different kinds of olives from all around the world, plus variations flavored with all manner of things like garlic, basil, sage, jalapeno, and herbes de Provence. They also have balsamic vinegar, aged to perfection, many of them flavored as well-- some favorites of mine were fig, vanilla bean, and lavender. My parents buy some for me on gift-giving occasions, and the last time I was home they picked up a couple of bottles that I sadly will not have until they drive up in two weeks, since I was traveling by plane and didn't have a checked bag to take them in.

But this past weekend Bernie took me to a similar place that's right here in our very own Boston. It's called the Boston Olive Oil Company in the heart of oh-so-yuppie Newbury Street, and it has everything I love about the place back home. It's fairly reasonably priced given the quality of the product, and though I won't be needing my own for a little bit, I know I will become a good customer of this place. I am willing to shell out to feed this particular addiction of mine. I'd like to get some others who love good oil and vinegar together to go there sometime, as it is quite a treasure to have accessible.

Grateful

It is incredibly hard for me to ask for help, from anyone, with anything. I feel like if I have a problem, especially if it's my own fault I have that problem, it's my responsibility to fix it. I hate to be irresponsible, or weak, or incapable, and I hate to impose on or take anything from anyone else. I get ashamed when there are witnesses to my screwup, or worse, my inability to handle it myself. And even when seeking help is otherwise reasonable or acceptable in all other ways, there's always part of me that can't help but think, "Why would anyone want to help me?"

Bernie, Matt, and Jonathan dug my car out for me. It was an incredibly kind and loving thing to do, and it means more to me than I can say that they were willing to do it. I am inexpressibly grateful.

Thank you.

Ten Day Meme: Day Six

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

1. Jared

2. My mom

3. My dad

4. I'm going to count Steph and Jenn as one in this spot, as I want to put them both down for the reason of being "friend Phoebe actually confides in."

5. Bernie

Tea party with Tegan

Again I am forcefully reminded of how much against my nature it is to hope. In trying again at something at which I failed in the past, I have to really fight to keep the fear of it happening all over again from paralyzing me. I confess I have no hope of this time being any different. But I am reminding myself again and again that there can only be a chance if I try.

Yesterday I didn't get much done, but instead I was pleasantly surprised by an afternoon and evening of socializing. twilighttremolo* mentioned on Facebook that she had Thursday off and planned to be in Waltham for the day, was anyone available to hang out? Having not much seen her or gotten to spend any real time with her lately, I asked if she might be interested in afternoon tea. We had a lovely time chatting over Earl Grey, and I learned that she is adapting an early gothic novel into dramatic form for the BORG play this upcoming semester. I can't wait to see what she does with it. It was very nice getting to spend so much time talking with her, AND I got a chance to use my lovely bone china tea set that Jared gave me. :-) Afterward, our little tea party expanded to include katiescarlett29*, in_water_writ*, and Bernie in what was described as a "social katamari ball" and we all went out for a nice dinner at Watch City. Bernie had to run a little bit early, so I took the rest of us back to my place for BSCF. The night went a bit later than I would have wanted, but it was a very nice time with very good company, so I am pleased.

I am trying to keep from worrying. I need to stay relaxed, and just do my best to deal with all the things on my plate. Nice days like yesterday help.

Day two of Winter's Tale build

We have a set! I arrived at a little after 1PM yesterday to help, and sadly found that besides Bernie and Plesser only a handful of others had shown up to help. We were a wee bit disappointed in the cast and crew for that, but there was nothing for it except to get to work. The framework of the set was already in place, so the next job was to attach the fronting to all the platforms. That is always a harder job than I expect it to be; it requires somebody to know how to use the router and the jigsaw, neither of which I do, and a lot of careful inching to get the pieces to fit just right. Our small but intrepid band finally got the whole thing put together as more people showed up, who were promptly ordered to attack it with rollers and black paint. It's always remarkable how fast things like this can go when they are swarmed by a large group, so that was finished in short order.

Unfortunately, since the paint got put on later than we'd hoped, the first run on the stage was delayed by having to wait for it to dry. The run went well, for all that there was a ton of starting and stopping to figure out how to adapt our blocking to the stage. The possibilities and limitations of platforms for an actor's physicality are, for me at least, near impossible to internalize without actually working on the set. Fortunately we seem to be properly utilizing the space, and I look forward to tonight's run, which will be expected to go as smoothly as we can make it. I will have to do a mental shift away from my build mentality and get my focus back on acting again.

I am endeavoring to become as theatrically omni-competent as possible. Not only does it make me more useful as a member of the cast and crew, I feel I improve as a director the more I absorb about how shows are put together. It pleases me immensely to look at this set and see how much of the process I contributed to. I built frames, I put on tops, I attached legs, I anchored things together, I affixed fronting, and I was also one of the detail painters working under the director of the lovely Miss Liz Baessler, who served as our scenic charge. It's a very satisfying feeling, to know one is capable, and that if need be I can accomplish so many necessary theatrical tasks under my own power. I also like that people trust me to get so many jobs done right.

The set looks very good now, especially since all the small visual imperfections in the structures are masked by the paint. Painting went very late, but for the most part it was fun because there was music playing and lots of people laughing and singing. Seeing Plesser dancing around after all the long day's work he had put in made me happy in my belly. Not to mention how happy everything was making Steph. :-) Also, when I was painting on the vines over the cobblestone pattern on the set, I was ridiculously pleased with myself for this dual-wielding brush technique I developed. In my dominant hand I held a thicker brush laden with the lighter green base color, and used it to apply most of the vine's shape. In my off hand I had a narrower brush with a watered-down darker green color, and traced over the lines of the light green. Then I went over it again with the thick brush in my dominant hand, using it to blend the two colors together. Though my left hand is by no means as adept as my right, the tracing work was simple enough that I could manage with it, and having a brush in each hand made the application and blending of the two colors go faster. I wonder if any artists work like this regularly. I was absurdly proud of myself for coming up with it.

This afternoon will be all about lights, lights, lights. Focus is the only major job remaining, and I for one am praying that things go smoothly. As I've mentioned, lighting is the one aspect of the theater I feel like I don't know anything about, and I have spent two twelve-plus hour days in the theater, so I am hoping there are enough other people who can be useful in this that I can relax a little bit. I'd like to take a shower and maybe a little nap. Focus always seems to go painfully slowly for me; I remember the one for Caesar seeming to take forever, though I don't remember what the hold up was. This time we have one of the most ambitious lighting plots we've ever had, including DMX-controlled color scrollers. :-) Very fancy! I'm incredibly proud of Bernie for that. There has been a DMX machine in the Shapiro Theater for ages, but it's been sitting unused because nobody could figure out how to get it running. Well, Bernie has been fiddling with it and got it to work. Ha! Good for him. :-)

So we're in very good shape for this point. I am tired but not exhausted as I have been on other builds, and with any luck by the end of today all technical elements of this show will be set and ready to go. Steph, your baby is about to be born. Here's hoping that the rest of this day sees a shower. a nap, and a light plot!

Day one of Winter's Tale build

Build for Winter's Tale has officially begun. We were very fortunate this time around, in that the show in the theater before us was a dance piece that did not have a set that needed striking. I saw the performance, it was pretty and fun. It also meant we had a nice early call of 4PM to get in there and get to work.

As Plesser said, "I'm a big fan of tech week." I love the collaborative aspect of everyone working together, contributing their effort and various skills to help build the show. I also like the chance to make things that I don't normally I get to do. I enjoy making all kinds of things, and where else do I get a chance to put together pieces of wood into useful structures using power tools? I was pleased by the wide variety of tasks I participated in yesterday, including platform-building with screw guns, hemming costume pieces, and cutting gels for the bottom set of cyc lights. I like when my theater experience gets to run the gammut like that; I feel like I'm contributing and learning more and more of the process of building theater.

We got a good chunk done yesterday. While there was no previous show's set that needed to come down, we needed to do a total light strike. I'm always impressed by the people who know their lighting stuff well enough to work on them. I'd always deferred to those with more experience and knowledge then myself, figuring I'd be more useful elsewhere. Helping Charlotte cut out those gels was the first lighting task I'd ever participated in. Perhaps someday I'll have to make a point of actually learning more about it, though I don't want to hold up the process during tech week. Hang was completely finished by the end of the night, and today we hope to get focus done as well.

We also made fantastic progress on build. This is the most structurally complex design (excepting one, but that was our only unsafe set to date :-P) we've ever had, with platforms stacked on top of each other in irregular ways requiring legs of different lengths even within one frame. Plesser is our master carpenter, and he's really doing a phenomenal job and has learned a lot about building a set and leading a build crew. He's working so hard that I'm hoping he doesn't wear himself out. But thanks to his efforts and those of our merry band, everything is built and anchored to the stage. Today will be painting and fronting, something I plan to help with once I can get over to the theater.

I'm proud of Bernie as well. He's seeing to it that people learn how to do these technical tasks for themselves, and doing more in the leadership capacity. He's organized things very well, even working out blueprints of Jenna's set design in a drafting program that also allowed him to make the plot for the lights. He's doing a wonderful job as a leader, and I am pleased and proud.

I'm also proud of Steph. She has done so much planning and worked so hard, and she's now seeing it all come together. I have really admired how organized she was, and how much thought an effort she put into the planning of the show, all the while working to respect and honor her actors and crew. I am hoping she is pleased with the final product; she deserves to have the show of her dreams.

And finally, Jared will be coming up to see the show! For a while he thought he wouldn't be able to make it, but at the last minute he got a flight and he will be here for the weekend. I wish I'd had a bit more notice to plan things; since this is tech week I'm afraid I'm going to be obligated for a lot of that time, and I want us to actually be able to spend some time together. Maybe he'll be willing to help out. We'll see what I can figure out in a couple of days' time.

The Winter's Tale - Official Show Invitation

With less than two weeks to go, it is time to officially invite everyone to...

THE WINTER'S TALE
by William Shakespeare

Hold Thy Peace's Fall 2010 Show

Directed by Stephanie Karol
Produced by Walter Simons-Rose and Kiernan Bagge
Stage Managed by Walker Stern
Technical Directed by Bernie Gabin

In the Carl J. Shapiro Theater at Brandeis University
November 11th-13th at 8PM
November 14th at 2PM

Admission is free, and dontations are gladly accepted.

Come see me exit pursued by bear. ;-)

Trip to King Richard's Faire

Saturday was a lovely trip to King Richard's Faire with Bernie and lightgamer*. I haven't been to a Renaissance Fair in years, so I was very excited to do this. I'm really glad we ended up doing it when we did, as the rest of my weekends are booked up until my death. ;-)

First of all, I like the atmosphere. I'm always so impressed to see the fairgrounds for these things. I love that they actually built permanent structures with neat pseudo-medieval appearences to house the works of the vendors and artisans. It makes it so much more immersive, and I'm pretty shocked that somebody was actually willing to front the cost for it! ANd we saw lots of people in garb of varying degrees of awesomeness. Favorites included a terryfingly badass looking pirate, an extremely complex gypsy outfit, and the man covered in green body paint apparently dressed as a troll. Least favorites as always include the sneakers worn with elaborate dresses, and the women who cram themselves into corsets such that their breasts resemble freshly risen pizza dough that is pinched in awkward ways. Is that supposed to be sexy? Meh.

I wanted to find a neat thing to buy while I was there, like a costume item or a neat piece of jewelry, and perhaps something as a present for Jared. But sadly everything that caught my eye was extremely expensive and nothing within my price range appealed to me enough to spend the money. I brought a hundred dollars with me to spend, and after purchasing fifteen dollars worth of food tickets (clever scam they've got going with that there), I ended up putting the rest back into my savings account. I must say, in the long run it's probably more satisfying to see that safely put away than blown on Renaissance memorabilia. Ah, well. Still no corset for me, I suppose.

As a side note, I am developing kind of a sour-grapes dislike of corsets. I want to like them, but I never can find one that looks good on me. My experiences with them tend to consist mostly of my torso being too narrow for the laces, thus in no way benefiting my waist, and my breasts just kind of slipping pathetically behind the bodice part, thus in no way benefiting my bust. I have about a twenty-five-inch waist, and according to the ladies who helped me try one on, I should be shooting for a size twenty-three corset, which they didn't have in stock because "All the tiny sizes sell out really quick." I was a little shocked to hear that, seeing as most people around my size tend to be fairly young, and young people don't tend to have the money to blow on expensive costume pieces like a corset, but maybe they just don't make many to begin with. Ah, well, I suppose it's good I didn't spend the money, as I am both young and not financially free. And to be honest I find the look rarely works quite the way I like it anyway. Girls with big racks all-too-often end up with the pizza dough problem, and girls with small racks end up looking kind of pitiful and meager all shoved up like that. I even saw some girls built similarly to me in corsets, and frankly the way the corset wasp-waisted them looked weirdly disproportionate, and their boobs were just sort of sad. To make matters worse, the corsets gave even these skinny little slips a hideous overflow of BACK FAT, and I would rather wear a burlap sack than a garment that inflicts that particular atrocity on me. *Sigh* I probably would have to have a custom-made one if ever I am to own one that actually fits and flatters, and that is certainly not in my budget right now.

My favorite part of any Renaissance Fair, though, is always the joust. I love watching the knights thunder around on their horses performing feats of martial skill, and I like the pagentry of the storyline that usually goes around it. This time there was a black knight, masked to conceal his identity, competing who turned out to be Sir Joseph, a knight of the court who was banished for a murder he claimed was actually committed by Sir James, the most psychotic of his jousting opponents. After literally reciting the Old Code from Dragonheart (squee!) they squared off in a duel to the death to restore the victor's honor. The knights were asked if they swore to adhere to the rules of chivalrous conduct. Quoth Sir Joseph: "I do." Quoth Sir James: "I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Yes, clearly this man is absolutely incapable of committing murder. Their battle, though, was absolutely badass, with them getting knocked off their horses and going at it hand-to-hand.

Now, I know this stuff is staged, and that somebody has to come up with what goes on in these shows. And apparently somebody was like, "Okay, armed combat is awesome, but you know what your average swordfight is missing? FIRE!" So Sir James attacked Sir Joseph with a flaming sword, and was literally SETTING everything on fire! He set Sir Joseph's clothes on fire! Sir Joseph grabbed a whip, and he set the whip on fire! Every time he cracked the whip, the flame flashed and burst! Let me tell you, nothing takes an awesome thing and makes it even more awesome like throwing some fire into the mix! By the end of this epic fire-soaked battle, Sir James as well as the knights' two seconds lay dead upon the sand. Yes, Sir Joseph, now that I have seen you bring about the deaths of three separate men, I now believe that you are not in fact a murderer. :-)

I wonder if I could get a job as a script writer for the Ren Fair. You don't even have to be historically accurate, just suitably dramatic. That would be awesome. Is there an application I can fill out?

Afterward, Bernie, Matt, and I came back and finished the evening with low-key chatting and playing of video games. It was a lovely day, all and all, and the company was excellent. I'd love to go back, perhaps in an even bigger group, but I think I may not have time before the end of the season. If you're thinking of going, I heartily recommed it.

"Could Mohammed move a mountain, or was that just PR?"

Sunday I went to see usernamenumber* in the MTG’s production of Jesus Christ Superstar. I attended the Sunday matinee, and Bernie and Plesser were good enough to accompany me. I enjoyed Evil Dead there very much, and I know now that I should never miss a chance to see Brad act and/or sing onstage.

The production was decent and I enjoyed it, but it had issues. To put on my critic hat, as I threatened Brad I would, the biggest problem for me and the one that kind of pervaded the whole show was that the sound levels were really off. I had a very hard time hearing the singers over the band, which unfortunately made it harder to appreciate everyone’s performance. Judas was a good actor as well as a good singer, but he particularly got lost volume-wise. Brad of course was amazing, easily my favorite performance in the show. He has such a rich, strong voice, and I very much enjoyed how he conveyed the peculiar conflict of Pontius Pilate, particularly when he exploded with frustrated rage when the man he was trying to spare would do nothing to save himself. I also had no idea that wired_lizard* could dance, and my compliments on her really fun costume work!

My favorite scene was the scourging of Jesus. They had a very clever, visually striking way of doing it. They had Pilate stand on a higher level than everyone else, cracking his whip and counting the lashes, as Jesus was seized by the arms and turned away from the audience, so that the ensemble could run downstage, dip their hand in a bowl of blood, and smack their bloody fingers against Christ’s back in time with each of Pilate’s strokes. I thought that was an incredibly clever way to do that. Other highlights include Greg Lohman’s really fun performance as Herod (his song is one of my favorites from the show) amid girls dressed as sexy security guards, and the tiny Asian guy with the BIG BASS VOICE playing Caiaphas.

I wish I could see it with Jared and hear what he thought. He's a big fan of the musical, and while I saw the movie a million years ago, I didn't remember it all that well. He and I had an interesting conversation as to how the musical is ambiguous about whether or not it sees Christ as truly divine. As for the group I went with, Plesser was the only one of us with real familiarity with the music. He was sorry that Pilate's Dream was played electric instead of acoustic. I was just glad that they did Superstar justice. And though I'm not sure I agree with every stylistic choice made by Andrew Lloyd Weber, I find his adaptation of them material very interesting. Recasting Jesus as a sixties-style revolutionary is a great idea because he really was a revolution. Religiously, socially, politically, ideaologically revolutionary. He did what every great social reformer means to do: he changed the world. And after all, as I've always said regarding the saga of Christ-- even if you don't believe it, you gotta admit, it's the greatest story ever.

Awesome Independence Day

Had a wonderful Fourth of July weekend. Went to a fantastic party with Bernie, lightgamer*, and morethings5*, who are some of my favorite people to do anything with, let alone going to fun parties. I had a blast at this same party last year, and so was really really looking forward to going to this year's. My excitement grew when shortly before the day, captainecchi* sent out an e-mail saying we could swim in the lake if we brought our swimsuits! I was so happy we did; that was the first time I'd been swimming in over a year, and it was a lot of fun. My poor bikini doesn't get to come out and play often enough! We swam and canoed and explored islands and I didn't get the whole story but I'm pretty sure Kindness beat a bear into submission with his bare fists. ;-) It was cool. Then we came back to the house where electric_d_monk* grilled up some fantastic burgers, hot dogs, and corn on the cob. I had made my "inaccessible rice," as some are wont to call it, with the golden raisins, pecans, mint, and scallions and brought it along. And because the beef in the burgers was locally grown, lightgamer* actually got to eat one! I was happy for him, since they were damn good burgers, and I am sorry when anyone can't enjoy deliciousness. Then there were board games, fantastic strawberry shortcake, and morethings5* sweetly offering to learn how to brush out my hair. The party was a blast, the food was excellent, the company was great, and it was also lovely getting to spend time with captainecchi* and electric_d_monk*. Thanks to our gracious hosts for having such a fun gathering!

Marissa moved into Elsinore on the Fourth as well. Unfortunately I was at the party when she got in, and due to feeling sick and gross with the heat the next day I did not so much welcome her as spend the day hiding from all human contact like a small wild animal. I shall have to rectify that soon. I may also have to take steps to rectify the intense heat situation in my bedroom. For some reason, no matter what the weather, my room is always the mostly extremely affected in the house, making it an icebox in winter and a blast furnace in summer. Climate control is expensive, but it's getting to the point of unbearableness.

Feeling behind

Feeling very behind on things right now. I have a lot of deadlines in the near future, the two currently most pressing being the off-book deadline for Love's Labor's Lost and being ready with a new storyline for this Saturday's session of Burn Notice. There was a question of whether that would be happening because Bernie didn't know if he'd have to go out of town or not, but he's decided on staying so barring anything unexpected we're on. I've finally finished what dangling threads still remained, so now I have to generate an entirely new caper. That's going to be a lot of work, but if I use the next few days effectively, I'll bet I can come up with something satisfying. I also have to cram a lot of line-learning into that time. I'll just have to work hard to maintain focus.

As a side note, I was briefly mentioned in the Brandeis University LouieNew: "Brandeis alumni direct, produce, star in "Love's Labour's Lost" - The Gazebo Players presents "Love's Labour's Lost," directed by Shelby Bleiweis '04, produced by Amy Klesert '09 and featuring Phoebe Roberts '09 and Debbi Finkelstein '04. Performances will be at the Gazebo in Medfield, Mass., July 24, 25, 31 and Aug 1 at 5:00 p.m. and Aug 1, 7, and 8 at Walpole's Footlighter's Theater at 5:00 p.m. All performances are free."

Those, incidentally, are all the necessary details should you like to attend my play.