Nervous today, unsettled. Brain is going a mile a minute in a million different directions. Have been pretty productive, though; got all my work done so far and even wrote my third Examiner article for the week; that puts me way ahead of schedule. Maybe I channel some of this intensity into writing now. That would be great. Haven't done enough writing this week; the weekend will have to be devoted to it.
There are lots of people I don't know following me on Twitter. Wonder why that is. Maybe it's from my Examiner profile? I think that's the only place my Twitter name is posted with a high likelihood of being seen by people who don't already know me. It could be their way of following my articles. If so, that's cool, I guess. More readers, more hits, eventually more money. It doesn't make much at all, but I suppose it's more than I'm usually paid for writing, eh? Maybe eventually it will work its way up.
Again and again, I am confronted by how against my nature it is to hold out hope. I am a realist on my best days, a pessimist on average, and on my worst certain the universe might as well just kill itself now. Right now I've got something ahead of me that could be really good, something that should be proving to me that there are reasons to stay hopeful. But I'm having a hard time shaking the thought that I have been in this position many times before, and it's never worked out the way I wanted. What I should be focusing on is that this is a new chance, something that came from my efforts to make things better. That should be reason enough for hope. It's just really hard for me to get rid of the thought of "Why should this time be any different?" I am learning. I am resolved in 2011 to try to learn.
I dressed up pretty today to try and feel better. It helped a little. Black skirt with simple tan floral pattern on it, white tuxedo skirt, red leather jacket, black tights, black strappy ballet flats. Amber earrings, anniversary necklace. I look nice, if a little formal. The jacket mitigates that a bit. Would look nicer with heels, but I'm not sure how much walking I'll have to do today. You'd think because the skirt is neutral I'd wear it with all kinds of colors on top, but for some reason I always just seem to pair it with black or white. Should try something more creative. Went with the tights are because they're prettier, and my leggings have finally bit it. Reminds me, I've been meaning to get some new leggings. They're good for wearing certain skirts in the winter, and I like the way they look under my tall boots. I wonder if I could pull off any color besides black. Maybe gray, but I'm not sure I'd like the look of chromatic leggings on me. Who knows, captainecchi* looked fantastic in purple tights on New Year's, maybe it's worth a try.
God, my brain is scattered. Still, I seem to be able to be productive in spite of it. Should be writing something for the projects. Trying to work up The Stand bluesheet. Wanted to see if I could do it in the form of a newspaper, to add to the diagesis without sacrificing information. Wish me luck.
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