I've written a few show-program bios in my time that were intended to be funny, but I think I kind of hit the sweet spot here, so I decided I'd share it with all of you ahead of time:
"Phoebe Roberts (Count Paris) knows that if there's one acting challenge that is relished by every five-foot-four, hundred-and-ten-pound girl with a high voice, it's portraying the masculine antagonist who is supposed to present the hero with a viable romantic threat. Blessed with this most coveted opportunity, she has donned her man-pants and practiced her man-walk with great diligence in the service of bringing to life this admirable figure that other characters just can't seem to stop praising when he's not around. The male parts among her previous roles of Dromio of Ephesus (Comedy of Errors), Cordelia/the Fool (King Lear), and Puck (A Midsummer Night's Dream) have also done much to prepare her for this, her manliest role yet. She asks that you all enjoy the show, and remember that you don't need to be taller than your Juliet to be a man of wax."
Heh. I am pleased with myself.
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