Had my first kissing rehearsal for Romeo and Juliet last night. I feel like it's important to the character and scene, so I definitely want it to happen, but I confess, the idea of kissing girls creeps me out. Other people can do what they want, but when it comes to myself, I am a big sucky homophobe-baby and I'm not ashamed to admit it. So this is something I had slightly worked myself up about. Of course, when there's something I'm afraid I'm going to puss out on, I really want to do it to prove I can get it done. The first time we went through it my nerves were making me fuck up my lines and do stupid nervous-tic things like shifting my weight and tucking my hair, and I was really irritated with myself. So I asked Elana if I could do it again, and that time I really concentrated on giving a good performance and not dwelling on my icky feeling. It wasn't so bad, I guess, but it goes to further solidify my lack of understanding of the appeal of bisexuality.
A number of people I know recently decided they were bisexual, and apparently many of the mostly or nominally straight girls I know can get into the idea of other girls. I... don't get it. For me, the idea of touching or kissing a person of my own gender is, well, creepy. I guess it's a matter of "you don't really get it unless you feel it yourself," but whenever I hear about girls talking about attraction to other girls, I can't help but feel like, "But... doesn't the ick factor get in the way? Oh... you don't... have that? Oh." It's not that I can't find girls beautiful, or enjoy looking at them-- Christ, quite the opposite. But when it goes from looking to touching, the little bells go off and a part of me is just grossed out.
If that's your thing, Godspeed, of course, but for me... ew.
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