7 Topics Meme - Generosity

rigel* gave me some suggestions for posting about for the 7 Topics Meme:

- Self-analysis through theater
- Religion
- Performance in LARPing
- Dressing for fuller-figured women
- Self-control
- Cooking
- Generosity

The first one I'm going to write about is generosity. Something I have been concerned about a lot recently is whether I'm generous enough. I'm afraid I'm a little too absorbed in my own business a lot of the time to really do generosity right. I hate occasions that are traditionally gift-giving, because I find the press burdensome, both because of the imposition of having to do it, and how hard it can be to find a gift that would really be appropriate for the person at that time. I'm also a fiercely independent person, and I value that virtue so highly that I often wish or even expect others to be the same, "requiring no generosity" you might say.

There's also the matter of the subtle distinction I make between selfishness and self-centeredness. I see a selfish person as someone who takes too much. A self-centered person is someone who just doesn't give enough. The first is about a fixation on "personal increase," let's say, getting more happiness or more comfort or more whatever for themselves, while the second is fixation on preventing "personal decrease," minimizing the loss of the happiness or comfort or whatever they already have. I have a lot more contempt and a lot less patience for the first kind of person-- which is very likely at least in part because the second person describes me a lot more closely. It's in my view not as bad as selfishness, but it still makes you disinclined to generosity-- give nothing, take nothing in that scheme. But there's a flip side to that, the question of the shades of generosity as giving and not taking. Personally, I am much more inclined to offer loving treatment in the form of not taking, freeing someone from the obligation to expend effort and energy. "You don't have to worry about me, you don't have to take care of me, I will place no burdens on you." To someone like me, so inclined to self-centeredness, that is the sort of gift I appreciate myself, but I have to acknowledge that it requires less of me than actually extending myself might.

I do have some generous tendencies in other ways. I have been known, on rare occasion, to notice that somebody needs something and with little fanfare go out and buy it for them, or otherwise quietly take care of some little problem they might have. Not often, that's not really my way, but I've done it and felt the pleasure of doing a kindness to another person for it. Much more my style is that I love hosting and entertaining, I love expending effort and resources in order to see other people have a good time. I will spend all day cooking and organizing in the service of providing a fun and memorable experience to those I care about. Maybe it's because I think experiences are much more valuable and satisfying than things, and I force my values on others. ;-) But even then, I have to admit there's some reasons of self-gratification in why I like to do it. I like being seen as the slick, awesome person who throws the coolest parties. Sure, I enjoy giving other people joy, but I also like the status and validation it confers on me. So again, generosity is not the strongest the virtues in me.

Which is something I should work on. I should make more of an effort to give of myself when it's not completely convenient to me, at least of my attention and time. And I should do more generous acts that don't directly involve making myself feel like a cool kid.