It's MY phone, dude, talk to ME.

Yesterday I went to the Apple store to get my phone fixed. I called my dad on Bernie's phone but didn't get him, asking him to call me back at that number because I wanted his opinion on how I should handle the various possibilities for fixing the phone. After that the service guy came to talk to me about the problem. He explained it decently well, but I noticed he kept looking over to Bernie as he talked to me, making a particular effort to include him in the conversation. Before long, I was getting the distinct impression that his looks that way were basically meant to convey "Are you listening, dude? 'Cause you're probably going to have to help her with this later, so you'd better hear what's going on." Like he didn't trust that if he only spoke to me that I'd understand well enough for the problem to get resolved. And I am extremely offended by this.

I might have read the situation wrong. He might have just been trying to politely include Bernie in the discussion because Bernie was standing right next to me and it was either that or ignore him. But I've gone to the Apple store with Bernie many times before, usually to deal with Bernie's machines, and I don't remember any of the technicians trying to engage ME in the discussion just because I happened to be there.

It's probably not just that I'm a girl. It's probably just as much about being a girl that looked the way I did. I certainly think my clothes worked against me. I was wearing what I wore to work, which was nice even for my normal work standards, a white eyelet wrap dress, silver jewelry, black heels. It's an expensive dress and it looks it; I got it as a handmedown from my mother. I happened to be carrying my black patent Gucci bag, a lucky consignment find which I normally save for special occasions, because it matched my shoes. Very feminine, very upscale-looking. In addition to being a man, Bernie, by contrast, looks a significantly more practical person than someone in heels and eyelet. Maybe I should have worn jeans and a nerdy T-shirt (:-P) instead. Maybe if I hadn't been dressed in a way that screamed "I care about clothes and the way I look," maybe he would have given me more credit for being able to understand my technology. Because apparently these two things cannot exist in a person simultaneously.

And then, to top it all off, as the conversation was winding down but was not yet over, my Dad called me back. I had to pick up because I'd asked him to call Bernie's phone, and I didn't want to leave him hanging, but I had to excuse myself from talking to the guy... which allowed him to fully engage the conversation with Bernie... so I could talk to my dad. This bugged the hell out of me. I mean, Dad didn't do anything, I'd called him and asked him to call me back because I wanted his opinion, but Jesus Christ, did I feel like the Little Girl while the Men talked technical stuff while I had to go get instructions from Daddy.

I am pissed at this guy, and I am pissed at myself. It occurred to me more than once to say, "Don't talk to him, talk to me, it's my phone." But I didn't because I didn't think the guy meant any harm, and I didn't want to come off as a bitch in case he was just trying to be polite by not totally ignoring the other person present. But I wish I had said something, very nicely and not aggressively, asking him to please tell ME about MY technology and not the MAN standing next to me.

No, I don't know technology as well as Bernie does. But it's not because I'm a girl, it's because I'm less interested. If I cared to, there is nothing stopping me. Don't make presumptions about my intelligence because of my gender, or how nicely I'm dressed. It's not okay to assume that pretty girls must be dumb

It's rare that I feel treated differently for being a woman. But this time I very much did, and it's really upsetting to be patronzied like that. This guy treated me wrong, but I failed too by not standing up for myself. And I am pissed at myself for not saying anything.