I have an unusual relationship with money, I think. My solid budgeting skills are at odds with my inclination to use money as a way to make things go more smoothly and with less trouble for myself. Over the last year I have had to confront this part of myself when suddenly I was forced to worry about something I'd never had to before.
I grew up in a house that was always financially comfortable. When I was a kid, my parents let me spend money pretty much however I wanted because I was not inclined to spend all that much of it anyway. I didn't buy stuff often at all, I didn't do anything all that expensive, so if I wanted to go out to dinner or a movie with friends or pick up a DVD I wanted, they were okay with giving me the cash. (They were a lot stricter with Casey, for whom the stuff burned a hole in his pocket.) When I was in high school, they only wanted me to focus on my schoolwork during the months in session, and though every summer I was required to have a job, it was more so that I had the experience of responsibility than because they wanted me to have my own money. So I do have a lot of the not-exactly-spoiled quality of a kid for whom money isn't something they throw around, but never has been anything to worry about.
Neither of my parents grew up with any money, so they have very strongly defined value-of-a-dollar notions. They were proud to pay my brother's and my college tuitions completely out of pocket as their gift to us, but they despise waste. They are also to varying degrees, my father much more so, stuff-averse-- a dislike of junk and and clutter that they passed on to me prevents any number of unnecessary small purchases. Related to this, however, is that fact that they tend to have high-quality tastes, which their comfortable financial situation makes viable. They are not buyers of things with any frequency, but when they do, those things will be quality, and with a price to match. So I grew up with the notion that money is not to be wasted, and yet certain things warranted real expenditure because the acquiring of junk was abhorrent. Maybe that doesn't sound like such a strange view to take, but let me tell you, it works a lot better when you're not on a tight budget.
I'm still learning as I go about balancing my very real need to economize with the reality of getting what you pay for. When you have a hard limit on the financial resources available to you, the need to not waste it is paramount. Especially when you are confronted with the realization that you have expensive tastes and never really had to think about it. Do you buy cheap because it saves money now, or do you spend more than is easily handled because it will last longer and work better, especially if I despise junk? What is the ultimate better value? How do I know that I'm using the money wisely?
I'm working on identifying ways I handle my finances that are beneficial, and where my problem areas are. Fortunately at the moment I don't have a lot of money pits in my life that put unnecessary drains on my budget. I dislike stuff in general, so it's rare that I desire to buy more physical items. I do not do "retail therapy," or the buying of stuff to make oneself feel better in a bad time. (Actually I tend to hate material things all the more when I'm down because I resent them more than usual for their hollowness.) Other than Coke, my one nutritional weakness, I don't buy snacks or treats. And I am very good at budgeting, thankfully. The one kind of math I've always had a knack for is accounting, so it is natural for me to lay out exact numbers of how much must be saved, how much must be earmarked for obligations, and how much remains to cover everything else. And of course, to prevent myself from exceeding the limits of those numbers. It always surprises me how many people I have for whom this is a lot tougher to get a handle on. If you keep an eye on how much you have, and decide how much of that is reasonable to spend in a given time period or for a given category of expense, is it really that hard to lose your place? I recently became the person who handles the bills at my house, and I was surprised to find how easy it was for me to pick it. The concept of bills has an intimidating-grownup-responsibility quality in my mind, so I guess I was expecting them to be a lot harder to get a handle on.
Of course, I've got some pretty deep-set notions that are not conducive to tight budgets. If I'm going to buy something, I want it to be a nice something, something I will like having around. Sometimes my budget just can't handle a single expensive purchase all at once. The stuff that appeals to me, unfortunately, tends to be expensive. Another thing that I suspect comes from my privileged-daddy's-girl upbringing is that my time has always been more valuable to me than my money, for well or for ill, so very often my first instinct when confronted with certain kinds of problems is to throw cash at them. Another thing that life on a budget is not suited for. And of course, the department in which I am absolutely the least economical is food. Good food is such a huge part of my life that the notion of it not being totally completely worth it whatever it costs is a very tough one for me to internalize. I eat a lot of meat, and it's hard to keep myself away from the delicious pricier cuts. I mostly stick to chicken, but I love and want all varieties of meat, and the also-economical pork is all too often not an option given who eats with me. I have managed to swear off veal and crab, but I admit to similar transgressions with tuna and steak. I do almost nothing that is canned or prepackaged. I always have this unfortunate habit picked up from my mom of not ever planning out a grocery trip for the week but instead shopping for dinner groceries the day I'm going to be cooking. It's fine for her, who doesn't need to budget ahead of time, but it's very inefficient for me.
I am going to work on this stuff. The fact that I have to make a budget, and allocate chunks of it, helps a lot, and keeps me mindful of where the dollars go. Awareness is a big part of the battle. And at least I'm cooking for myself at home rather than going out all the time. The better a cook I become, the less interested I am in low-end restaurants because I find my food so much more satisfying. If cooking at home is tastier to me, more fun for me, and on top of it all more economically, money blown at lousy restaurants is significantly reduced. I think the next challenge I need to give myself is to see if I can plan like a week's worth of meals at once. So I figure if I keep paying attention and keep making an effort, I'll learn how to get a handle on this very grownup thing. And you all know how daunted I am by grownup things. ;-)
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