Reflections on 2011

On this the last day of 2011 I want to review how the last year went. I considered doing the meme that I did for 2010, where you post the first entry of each month of the previous year and discuss how it represented what you did, but again I find it doesn't really paint an accurate picture. So instead I think I'm going to go down my list of resolutions I made for 2011 and see how well I did with them.

1. Make some professional improvement. I am not going to define this specifically, but I am not satisfied with my current just-okay situation. Have already begun some more serious efforts; we'll see how this goes.

Well, here's a good start. I made quite a bit of improvement here. Not only did I find a job I like better-- the hours are better, I'm making a little more, and I like the work and environment significantly more --but I also got in grad school, which is what I meant by the "more seriously efforts" I had been making. I am proud of myself for succeeding with making this part of my life better, since it wasn't easy for me.

2. Get back into healthy eating and exercise habits. Jared and I have already started eating better; let's see if I can add regular workouts in there too.

Hmmm, sort of, but not entirely. I put on some weight during my long period of depression-induced inactivity in the first half of 2011, and I still haven't quite managed to lose it. But I did start taking ballet, and I've worked out almost every day since I've been home, so here's to getting back in the habit.

3. Write, cast, direct, and put on Merely Players.

Accomplished this, and did a pretty good job of it. One more produced piece under my belt.

4. Write, cast, and run The Stand at Intercon and Festival

Also accomplished, and pretty much entirely by myself. It is important to me that I actually DO and FINISH the projects I set for myself.

5. Help write and run Resonance at Intercon and Festival

Done with the great Alleged Entertainment team. I'm proud to have been a part of this game, and it's always an honor to work with them.

6. Make certain that Larpercalia this year is the best Festival it can be

I am extremely proud of how well I did with this. I set out to encourage everyone to produce and bring new games for 2011 and that happened better than I'd hoped. Thanks to everyone who helped it come to be.

7. Spend time with my parents. They need me right now, and I love them.

I did the best I could with the limitations the distance between us allowed. I called home almost every day, and made sure to come home for every period of time off I could get. I chose to spend this, my only week-and-a-half-long break, with them in the service of this goal.

8. Be nicer to be people. I'm a bit tired of people thinking I'm a great big meanie, but it's probably my own fault. Keeping the temper in check would probably be a good place to start.

I tried really really hard with this. I think I did a decent job with being friendly instead of standoffish, encouraging and supportive of other people's efforts, and considerate of others' needs and feelings. I'm not sure anyone really noticed a difference-- people tend to think I am both nicer and meaner than I actually am, if you can believe that. I still have a problem with being an ass when I am angry, and need to keep working on it. And I'm about as judgmental as ever, though at least I keep that mostly to myself.

9. Develop some better stress management techniques. I guess I don't have any truly bad reactions-- I don't drink, I don't overeat, I don't hurt myself -- but what I'm doing isn't really enough. My tension and emotional upset level is getting out of hand.

Yes and no. I overcame the really bad patch I was having in the last half of 2010 and the first half of 2011 eventually, and right now I am doing okay. But I know that in that time I have dealt with certain things I couldn't seem to change by basically just putting them out of my mind as much as I could. I'm not sure "just not thinking about it... indefinitely" is the best stress management technique, but with a lot of these things I just don't know what else to do. And I'm afraid going back to fixating on them the way I was will just land me back in the depression. So I don't know what's best there. Also, I feel tired a lot of the time, more mentally than physically, in a way that makes me not do certain things I should be doing due to my mind feeling weary.

10. Learn how to be hopeful. I really don't know how.

Eh. Not really, despite the evidence I've had from the things that did improve this year that things actually can get better. I imagine that this will be one of the great challenges of my life, contrary as it is to my nature.

So all in all, despite the first few months being rough, I moved a great deal forward this year. Maybe remembering that will help keep me hopeful. Now I need to make a new set of resolutions for 2012, and try to keep moving on.