Why I love Jaime and Brienne in ASoIaF (spoilers!)

I'm sure if we've ever talked about A Song of Ice and Fire before, you know I love the dynamic between Jaime and Brienne. I love the way it subverts heroic story tropes, and I love the remarkable understanding of the feminine condition that it displays. I can't seem to do LJ cuts right now, so it's probably best not to read ahead if you've not gotten through the whole series.

It's such a pleasant surprise for me to find this, a growing affection between a gorgeous man and an unattractive woman based on mutual respect and shared struggle, coming from a male fantasy writer. I've written before about the phenomenon of how women who feel that they've never been attractive enough for our screwed-up society to really deem Valuable often develop awestruck feelings of unworthiness in regards to beautiful men, because since society doesn't require beauty of them they have achieved some sort of superhuman status above and beyond simple Valuable. It's not something I've really found men to be aware of, so I was incredibly impressed to see it portrayed in Brienne. I suppose that's a bit patronizing to Martin, as I've generally found him to write with solid understanding of women and otherwise-not-hegemonic perspectives. In general I think he writes very believable and well-rounded female characters, as indicated by the fact that he could believably write a woman like Brienne at all. I also think he makes it clear that the misogyny in the books comes from the setting and isn't bleeding in from his own biases. Still, the man isn't perfect; he tends to use feminine aging as a punishment for badness (see Cersei, Lysa) and something this delicate I would be wary of how any writer, male or female, feminist or not, would handle it.

But I must say, I've loved the direction so far. It's such a strange, unexpected turn of events. Gorgeous, superior, scornful Jaime Lannister, already enamored of his beautiful sister, is likely to have nothing but mocking contempt for an ugly, hidebound girl who tries to act like a man. And honorable, wounded yet starry-eyed Brienne should despise the arrogant, incestuous oathbreaker. But when two people suffer together, and suffer for one another, that brings them closer, all the while gives them the chance to demonstrate to each other their true characters. They've seen each other be brave, tough, loyal, and self-sacrificing. It is odd, requiring a shift in mindset for both of them, but it was gone through in such a way that felt very believable to me.

The amount of growth it has caused in both characters really pleases me. I started out the series thinking Jaime was disgusting, a monster with no redeeming qualities. But I love when books can change my all-to-often hard-set first impressions. Now that we've been in his head I understand him and sympathize with him, if not totally excuse him from his actions. He's committed many sins, certainly, though I hardly think killing the monstrous Aerys should count among them. His complexity may have made him surpass even Tyrion as my favorite character. And I loved what his growing feelings for Brienne indicate about him. I don't believe you can love what's good without there being some good in you. His admiration for what she is, honorable, faithful, brave, redeems him somewhat, shows what there truly is inside of him, and what he could possibly be himself. As for Brienne, her growing understanding of Jaime shows her moving away from her black-and-white view of the world, that there are heroes and there are villains, and that people can be shades of gray and still have value. She is also as caught up in appearences as anyone else; she is fixated on her own lack of beauty as a real lacking in her, and those who have it, which I think was the root of her idolization of Renly, leave her in self-hating awe. I want her to come to a place where she realizes that it makes no one any better or worse than anyone else, and just because she's not beautiful herself doesn't mean she couldn't deserve an otherwise worthy man who happens to be.

I love it because it speaks powerfully to me, and because I find it extremely feminist. It's greatly equalizing that sometimes the man can be the beautiful one and still be drawn to a woman who's not. A woman's worth depends on her character, not her appearence, and that it can pierce even the most self-absorbed veil of superiority to win acknowledgement for it. Bravo to Martin for building something so believeable and meaningful even within a genre one would never expect to find it in.

I wonder how far Martin will go. I am sure beyond a doubt that they will never actually come together in any way. But will he ever get either of them to the point where they can acknowledge romantic feeling for each other? On one hand, I want it-- I want him to make golden, arrogant Jaime Lannister realize that he has come to love, at least after a fashion, that stubborn ugly valiant wench. And I want Brienne to grasp that people are not black and white, that we're complicated when it comes to the measure of our worth, and there can be a good man, a man worth loving, even in a sinner like Jaime. But on the other hand, I feel like resistance to either of them acknowledging it would be in character. Neither would see it as a viable pursuit for their lives, and it's not like either of them wanted to feel that way. But still, the feminist romantic in me wants a moment where they own it, and affirm it to one another. Brienne, at least, has earned the esteem of knowing someone loves her for who she is.

I know there isn't going to be any happy ending for those two, at least not with each other. I fully expect Jaime and Cersei will in fact die together as they were born together, as has been mentioned a time or two in passing. I think Jaime is actually the valonquar, or little brother, that was predicted to kill her by Maggy the Frog, and he will strangle her with his golden hand. The whole thing would probably be most artfully and realistically portrayed if they never really get to any solid resolution of Jaime and Brienne's feelings. But beneath my cold hard exterior beats a squishy squashy pussy heart, and I can't help but want a little something that way.

As a post scriptum, I'm a little sorry about the fact that they cast a good-looking actress as Brienne for the HBO miniseries. I think they picked Gwendoline Christie primarily for her height, and though they'll probably ugly her up some, it bugs me that they chickened out that way. I don't blame them for casting a handsome actor as Tyrion because he's basically perfect and you get the point of his dwarfism anyway, but I love the reversed dynamic with J and B. I am very much looking forward to see how they portray it. I like the actor who plays Jaime, so I expect the interaction will be good.

Pondering my next direction

Now that the semester has ended and Merely Players has wrapped, for the first time in ages I find myself without a large project before me. It isn't as if I have nothing to do. I have plenty of chores that fell by the wayside in the last week-- I need to upgrade to the new iPhone, figure out why there's an immunization hold on my class registration, and take my car in for service --but no large endeavors currently on the docket. So now I find myself pondering my next direction.

I should probably just enjoy not having a deadline or heavy intellectual responsibility for a while. That state never lasts long, and it might be a nice recharge period for my tired brain. I've always found mental work enormously more demanding than physical work, which probably explains why I tend to keep up with day-to-day responsibilities so well and have to focus so hard on my real work endeavors. But I feel bored and useless if I go too long without a project, so after a short rest period, I should probably buckle down on something new. The only question is, what shall that new project be?

I am considering working on Imperium, my new idea for a larp. It would be nice to shift away from theater writing for a little while, which has been my primary preoccupation. I did a count recently and I have brought my number of completed works up to four one-acts and four ten-minute plays. Of course, I have been thinking a lot about the theatrical pieces that I wasn't able to submit for any class assignment, specifically Mrs. Hawking and The Tragedy of Sundan. I like these ideas very much and believe I can create something truly great from them if I put my mind to it. Maybe now's the time to devote to one, or both, of those.

Of course, maybe I need to switch gears entirely. I haven't worked on my sewing in weeks now. Getting good at something like that requires practice, and the biggest obstacle to that has been not having any time. If my evenings are mostly free again, I could really dig into that. I went with Plesser and Caitlin to help him pick out a Real Grownup Suit this past weekend, and watching the tailor mark out the adjustments he would make for fitting renewed the spark of my enthusiasm for it. It would please me to make some progress learning there.

I also want to get back into a regular workout schedule. I have been pretty careful with the calorie counter recently, and I actually like how mindful it's made me of my food choices. I feel healthier and like I'm dropping a little weight already. But that's not really enough, I should be trying to be more active too. Having work in the mornings, homework in the afternoons, and rehearsal in the evenings was really not a schedule conducive to getting to the gym. But with less occupied time, I want to get back to a good routine that includes practicing ballet. Another thing I want to work and get good at.

So, Imperium, Sundan, Mrs. Hawking, sewing, or something else? What do you guys think?

Merely Players triumphant

Merely Players came to its triumphant conclusion this weekend, and I am incredibly pleased. We filled our little house both nights, and most gratifyingly of all, they laughed! They followed the show and got the humor! Thanks so much to all you lovely people who came out to see it. Your support means a great deal to me.

Plus we got to test the unusual performance format. More than just our show doing well, I am pleased by the proof of concept. People will come to a show with a cabaret-style setup and buy the snacks and have a good time. That is a doable endeavor that will succeed. Hold Thy Peace could use this format for side projects in the future.

Schwartz is a shit theater space, let me tell you. It's more meant to be a lecture hall than a performance venue, so opportunities for tech are minimal-- a presention sound system and a couple of light switches you can flip on and off are pretty much the extent of it. But we chose it because it fit the aesthetic of our show. I didn't want the polished atmosphere of trying to immerse you in the illusion of another world that so much theater aims for. Instead we wanted, as I like to say, all the nuts and bolts of theater on display. Instead of hiding the trappings of a production, we used them as our set dressing-- you could see our cruddy worklights on the side aisles, the props tables and costume rack set out in plain view. And on top of that, the actors were almost never out of sight, always in character off to the sides even when they weren't on the stage. It drove the point of the metatheater home nicely, and created an immersion of another sort, one where the audience almost feels like it's on the inside of the production rather than just being witness to the final product of it.

It wouldn't have happened without our fabulous staff. Sari, Sam, and Elena came in to wrangle the lousy space and equipment into submission, making our technical functions work in spite of everything. The hardworking waitstaff made up of Plesser, Caitlin, Charlotte, Tziporah, and Simon I thank most graciously for lending their time and effort to pulling off this whole "cabaret with concessions" scheme. Rachel is consistently one of the only designers I feel like I can simply hand off the job to, because I always trust her to do good work. And of course there's Bernie, for whom none of my theatrical endeavors would ever get off the ground. He supports me tirelessly with his work and expertise, and I can't express how amazing I find it that he can take the entire technical burden off my shoulders and make it appear, almost by magic, for me every single time.

My cast was great as well. Lenny, for example, blows me away with how incredibly generous an actor she is, having an excellent sense of how to balance the push-pull of onstage interaction. I chose the role of the Fool for her just to watch her GO, and she did not disappoint. For someone so big and active onstage, she really know how to share it, to extend when it's her time such that she holds the eye captive, and to withdraw to allow attention to shift to those onstage with her. She and Andrew have a particularly remarkable ability to read one another, to pick up on where the other is going and then to move to meet and balance them. I saw it first in Othello when they played Iago and Roderigo, but it definitely showed here too. Andrew himself is finally really hitting his stride as an actor, learning how to use his physicality, make effective choices, and convey expression with his voice. I can't wait to see how he continues to grow; this was a very good semester for him, first with an important serious role in Margaret, and then a comedic one in Merely Players.

Steph was so great in her part as the Director. The character was very much outside her acting experience, and she'd also never done comedy before, so the great work she did here really impressed me with her stretching. The character is in many ways one big parody of yours truly, and Steph exaggerated many of my habits and mannerisms to great effect. I loved how she threw herself into it, pushed herself and tried stuff to see what worked. I think she was one of the funniest parts of the show and probably my favorite of the characters.

I love Gigi's acting. I find her to be incredibly expressive and her enthusiasm makes her a joy to work with. She was my first choice for the role of the Ingenue because pretty much all of her previous roles required her to portray a more mature and dignified presence, something she is very good at, but I love seeing people do things that are different. She was adorable and charming, using a lot of her natural energy to bring the character to life.

Ben was just perfect as the Lead. I don't think he's ever had such a large important role before, so the chance to really get into and develop a character helped him immensely. I find it is often the case that an actor with growing room will often make a lot of progress if trusted with a part he can really work with. Ben has a gift for comedy, which helped, but I think it also encouraged him to create a definite physicality and expressiveness in letting him cut loose and really own the stage. I wonder if he can translate that forward leap into drama as well, and I look forward to seeing what he's like in his next role.

I just fell in love with niobien*'s work. The play would not support another person with dialogue, but I wanted to have a stage manager character in there. It was Bernie's suggestion to make the character silent. It turned out to be the coolest idea. People have a prejudice against non-speaking roles as less important, but pantomime is a difficult and dying art and I did NOT write this role to be a throwaway. It takes a lot of skill and effort to convey yourself without getting to say what you're thinking. Carolyn was amazing at that. She's never done a show as an actor before, but she was so enthusiastic and adventurous. Her expressions and her instincts were wonderful, making the character funny, endearing, and totally readable. I'd love to work with her again in a speaking role, but I am so glad that I trusted the difficult challenge of building a character out of pantomime to her.

April made for an excellent Diva. She learned to balance the over-the-topness of her character's humor with the occasional moments that demanded real, serious acting. She had great chemistry with Ben, and they made for some really fabulous interaction. Those two characters are supposed to constantly try to outdo each other, and it's no small thing that they managed to convey that without actually upstaging each other or failing to work together on the meta-level.

I also loved the visual texture provided by the techie characters, Emma, Jenna, and Miriam. Having them support the scenes made for so much additional humor. Their pieces required a lot of timing, energy, and discernment to nail just right, and they did wonderful things with it. This is a very pro-techie show, you'll notice, depicting them as the most competent and least screwed-up people involved. Though make what you will of my choosing to make the stage manager the silent character; some would say I have stolen that technical voice, while others may see it as a a reflection of how she's given up in the wake of so much actor madness.

Thus concludes my second produced play. Here's hoping that things continue on this vein, and I am blessed with such wonderful collaborators who will help me put on my work. Thank you again, all who shared the experience with me, and came to see the results of our labors. <3

Merely Players opening tonight

At last, at last, tonight is opening night of Merely Players. It's been a great process, light and easy as theatrical endeavors go, where our intrepid band or actors and techies have wended their merry way to this fun and funny one-act we are proud to present to you tonight. We performed it for our waitstaff yesterday, and I am pleased that they were just the test audience I was hoping for. They laughed in all the right places and helped the actors figure out just where the pauses belonged, and drew so much energy just from hearing them. It's a perfect little light morsel of theater, short, sweet, and very funny.

As a text, it's not an important piece of theatrical writing. But it translates to the stage extremely well, particularly when you block it with as much humor as we did. And I like how it has meaning on multiple levels. I think it's a pretty clever spoof of the nature of theatrical collaboration, the broad, clearly defined characters clueing you into their significance even if you're not intimately familiar with the conventions of the theater. It's also a pretty good entree into the building of Shakespeare performance. I did a decent job of switching seamlessly between the plain English original text and the borrowed snatches of Shakespeare, again not requiring any deep understanding to get what's going on. And thirdly, the show is in many ways a love letter to Hold Thy Peace, making reference to our inside jokes and our long history together. The club's meant an enormous amount to me, and this piece is kind of my tribute. I joked that perhaps one day, God willing, Merely Players will become a staple of high school theater groups competing in one-act festivals. There are worse things one's writing could become.

We go up in Schwartz Auditorium at Brandeis University. Doors open at 7:15 so that snacks and drinks may be purchased beforehand. Show begins at 8. I look forward to seeing you there!

Hope for your children

I called my mom on my walk yesterday. I mentioned to her that I think of Gigi's stillbirth as I go through the cemetery, and mom corrected me on a few parts of the story. She too couldn't say whether the baby never had a name or if simply no one used it, but Mom said that she didn't come between my dad and my uncle in the birth order; she was before all of them. Her, and all the miscarriages. And there weren't two or three, Mom said. She had nine of them.

Nine miscarriages. And then a stillbirth on top of that. Can you imagine? Can you imagine becoming pregnant and losing it ten times? And then to keep going with your life, no breaking down, and keeping on trying to have children even though every sign pointed to just bringing yourself more pain? My melancholic self can't even imagine the kind of fortitude it would take to keep hope.

My mother said when she was pregnant she thought to herself, look at all the people around you. They all had to be born sometime. If this many made it into the world okay, then yours probably will too, and you'll come out of it okay as well. There's always something like that to draw hope from. And in the end, Gigi did go on to have three healthy babies. They never would have been if she'd given up. And in the end, even Mom's baby, born sick, got well.

Something to remember the next time I feel like I can't keep hope.

Melancholy memories in the graveyard

I've taken to walking through Mt. Feake Cemetery when I want to get into town. Since moving to Illyria an extra mile was tacked onto all my normal walking routes, and while the effort isn't tough for me, it makes a walk take significantly more time out of my day. I like cemeteries. They're a tiny glimpse of history. They're great for a writer trying to gather names. (Apparently there are a lot of "Blaisdells" who died in Waltham.) It's actually a lovely place, carefully arranged and beautifully maintained, full of big expensive-looking cookie cutter headstones. It's got nice trees and healthy green grass and a great view of the river with the picturesque old watch factory on the opposite bank. I don't know how even people who don't like cemeteries could find this place unpleasant. Of course I like old weird rundown ones too. And I really like sort of run-of-the-mill working class ones that are neither too nice nor too bad. My great-grandparents on the Roberts side are buried in a place like that, where all the headstones in the Catholic section of the yard are the flat kind that are easier to mow around, and cheaper than the ones in the Protestant section. It's a piece of my family's history-- Catholic, working class, Burgettstown, the names Frank and Christina Roberts --and a small tangible piece of relatives I've never met.

Whenever I'm in a graveyard I always find myself thinking of the baby my Gigi, my paternal grandmother, lost a few years after my dad was born. In the eight years between having my dad and my uncle, my Gigi had several miscarriages and one stillborn baby girl. I'm not sure I'm remembering this correctly, but I believe Gigi fell down some stairs at some point during the pregnancy and the baby was born dead. She's buried somewhere in that same cemetery as my great-grandparents, but at the time Gigi and Granddad couldn't afford a headstone, and so without a marker in the intervening years no one remembers where she lies.

I've never heard anybody call her by a name. This didn't seem strange to me; I don't really believe stillbirths are people, so I don't approve of giving them names. I've seen too many instances of people personifying their lost babies in unhealthy and unrealistic ways. I always assumed Gigi's lost baby never had one. But I've heard enough people have expressed shock to me upon hearing that that I wonder if maybe she did, and it's just that no one uses it. Difficult enough to lose a baby, perhaps even if worse if you turn her into a person too. I don't think it's anything superstitious or even hung-up; I think my family is just inclined to not dwell on old tragedies, nor to investing personhood in someone who never was. But if that's so, I feel a strange connection between the name never being mentioned and the lack of a headstone. No setting down of the name, no speaking of the name hereafter.

In my larp The Stand there is a headstone to a stillborn baby girl in the graveyard, the child-that-never-was of the sheriff Malcolm Royce. I was thinking of Gigi's lost baby when I included it. I decided that the stone in the game would read Baby Girl Royce. I did not want them to have named her, and what else could you put on a tombstone for a child that never lived before it died?

It was a long time ago. Gigi has since passed away. Granddad is around ninety now. My dad and his older sister and younger brother all have children of their own. My uncle's oldest daughter is about to have her own baby. And my family is full of resilient people. Sickness, loss, struggle, death, may be mourned but are eventually taken in stride with the knowledge that there is always hardship in this life. Not even Granddad and Gigi were really scarred by this. But still, somewhere there is a baby with no name buried fifty years ago who died without ever having a chance to live. We don't remember where. The people who knew have forgotten, and they are beginning to pass away themselves. I'll never know. But she existed. She had people wanted to know and love the person she would have been. People who cried that she was dead.

And she has a niece who thinks about her. Who has made art from the thought of her. Who remember that she existed.

I don't really have a point to this. I don't have anything I learned or concluded from this. I still don't think she should have had a name. And I don't think it's a big deal that she doesn't have a headstone. But I still think she mattered, if only for this.

Tech week snags

So though it ultimately worked out okay, yesterday's dress rehearsal for Merely Players ran into quite a few stumbling blocks. We weren't able to get into Schwartz until an hour later than we were supposed to because of some rescheduled chemistry class in there. That was irritating, but what really burns me is that we may not be able to use the place on Thursday, our final dress rehearsal. Despite the fact that we booked it, it may have been given away to some other group by oversight. Stupid Conference and Events. I am frustrated because though I was willing to have been set to the lower priority for themajority of the process (I made sure Margaret always took precedence because it was a larger show that went up sooner, as well as the HTP mainstage) but I am not happy to have our arrangements screwed up at this late stage. Thursday is supposed to be the night that we have all of the waitstaff there as well to learn their duties and get used to how we have the spaced laid out, and their schedules are all busy enough that they don't have any time besides what I've already asked them to set aside. And the actors really want to have their Naked Tech, an HTP tradition before every show. I'm not sure we'll have time for everything if we've only got tonight before we go up.

On the bright side, once we actually got going rehearsal went very well. We got the space set up quickly, and the run through was very smooth and funny. We could bear it if we don't get that last rehearsal in. Still, I want that last night, and I want it in the space we're supposed to be in. If Conference and Events works with us, we will hopefully get the space at 9PM, which is technically enough time to do what we need to (and it would let me go to ballet, which I would otherwise be missing.) But unfortunately there's no guarantee we'll get even that. I suppose if we're not in there we'll just not bother with a run through and just talk out the pre- and post-show duties with the waitstaff. Things will be simple enough to execute that they'll be fine with just that. The show must go on, as they so, so you push through the snags and make do. Even if you're steamed about it.

Second-round Intercon signups tomorrow

Tomorrow at 7PM second-round Intercon signups open. My first round I signed up for Feast of the Minotaur because it looked to be filling fast, and I'm really glad I got in. It sounds like a fantastic game and there's lots of cool people in it, so it should be a fun time. I've decided that if I get cast as a slave girl, which is a possibility, I will wear the crinkly tan prisoner dress Steph wore when the Duchess of Gloucester was arrested in Margaret. Maybe I'll cut it to knee-length, we'll see. At any rate, I am really excited for that game.

That means I am booked for Friday night with that and Saturday night with running Resonance. This is the only game I've ever run at Intercon that has always filled first round! Yay for us. But that means I still have three slots open. I think this may finally be the year that I don't overload myself with games, so I think I will only sign up for one more thing. My first choice for the morning on Saturday was A Garden of Forking Paths, which also already filled-- congratulations, AE! --so I think I will be sleeping in for the first time in years. I never play Sunday games, so that leaves Saturday afternoon. I think it will be An Evening Aboard the HMS Eden for me. Jared and I like to try to have one game a con together, and we both thought this one sounded fun. I have a weaknesses for Victorian literary pastiches, and I have only ever played one other, LXHS. I think that will make for just the right amount of occupied time, and maybe I won't be so utterly blown by the end of the weekend.

Casting probably won't happen for a long time yet, but I would love it if this year I got to use some of the things I picked up just becuase "they're sure to make a good costume someday." My ballerina-like, peachy-pink pixie dress, for one. The real mink fur stole I found at Savers once. My cream and gold halter-style Cordelia dress. The old-fashioned ivory wedding dress I simply had to have when I found it in the course of shopping for Margaret. (Will have to post pictures of that one.) I even have a bustle I picked up for three dollars at the otherwise-disappointing Brandeis costume department sale. Probably out of luck for Feast of the Minotaur, which takes place in ancient Greece, but who knows, I could see any of these pieces being possibly useful for HMS Eden. I could get cast as Miss Havisham and get to swan around mournfully in the wedding gown, or something!

ninja_report* also sent out a call for registration to Festival of the Larps recently. Early registration helps give an idea of attendance, which helps estimate per-timeslot player counts, so it would help her out if you can indicate that you're coming now. I must say, all this thinking of Intercon and Festival makes me itch to get back to larp writing. I have purposefully held off working on my newest idea Imperium, a vaguely I, Claudius-inspired larp set in Ancient Rome, because I wanted to focus on schoolwork and playwrighting. But now that I've finished my last assignment for the semester, and classes don't start up again until January... I find myself tempted to switch gears, at least temporarily while school is not in session. I'd love to have a new game to debut at Festival. I guess I just worry that I won't have enough time to write that and the stuff school will require of me between now and April. But the temptation, she is strong... I guess I'll have to think about it and come to a decision sooner rather than later, so I leave myself enough time to write and bid if I end up doing the crazy thing...

Merely Players tech week begins

Yesterday was the beginning of Merely Players tech week. I was tired going in, due to the fact that I'd spent the weekend finishing my enormous final grad school assignment for the semester, but I always seem to kick into gear once the urgency of the final days of production sets in. I like the energy of tech week, the feeling of everyone involved focusing in on their tasks to put the show together. It doesn't matter how tired I am, I go into CREATIVE ADRENALINE HYPERDRIVE MODE and off we go, getting things done. And of course these Hold Thy Peace one-act side projects have the best tech weeks. The shorter the show and the smaller the cast, the easier it is to get everything prepared ahead of time and hit the ground running once we get into the theater. For To Think of Nothing it was perfect, like a series of well-designed gears clicking together and snapping into place. For Merely Players it's a little rougher due to the space; tech and set has to be minimal in a lousy performance space like Schwartz Auditorium, but we still had to arrange the lights and set the stage to suit our purposes. For us load-in consisted primary of moving our mountain of costumes and props into the theater; a hallmark of the first night of tech week for me is spending an hour beforehand packing all our stuff into my car and feeling so grateful that we can just leave it in the space until we're done. We got three lovely techies, Elena, Sari, and Samantha-- real techies, not the actors-playing-techies in the show --to come and help, and we set cast and crew alike to setting up the lights and putting together the costume rack and seeing that the prop tables were all properly laid out. On Bernie's suggestion we first did a walk-through of all the blocking in the new space. I think that was extremely helpful for the actors to get their bearings, because the first full run was smoother than even I'd hoped. We still have a bit of polishing of the timing and spacing to get down, but by and large they were very comfortable and the run was very strong. I am so pleased and proud of them. If we keep this up, by opening night this Friday we are going to do a fantastic performance of the first actually funny comedy HTP has done since Comedy of Errors my junior year.

Biweekly Theater Writing Challenge #10 - First complete draft of The Waiting Room

Finally finished the entire first draft of a one-act family drama set in a hospital that I'm calling The Waiting Room. I think it needs more, but it's at least a complete draft now. This contains the previously posted flashback pieces now in the larger context of the story. It makes particular efforts to include subtext and avoid unnecessary exposition. Here's hoping my teacher doesn't hate it.

THE WAITING ROOM

By Phoebe Roberts

~~~

Cast
HELEN GAFFEN, a pregnant woman in her twenties who has just gone into labor
LYNETTE GAFFEN, her mother
BRUCE GAFFEN, her father
MARGARET GAFFEN, her teenaged sister
DAVE HOLLAND, her best friend
BEVERLY MAYHERN, her grandmother
DR. TEAL, her obstetrician

~~~

SETTING: A hospital waiting room is set up in the middle of the stage. On SL is a medical exam room, on SR is a hospital bedroom. Each section is lit individually, so indicate which is “real” in any given scene.


(A young man in his twenties, DAVE, sits alone in the waiting room, somewhere between anxious and bored. He keeps looking off to the side, as if hoping someone will come out to him.


(Suddenly the whole Gaffen family, father BRUCE, mother LYNETTE, and teenaged daughter MARGARET, comes in, talking frantically over one another. DAVE springs to his feet.)

DAVE: What’s happening?

LYNETTE: The head’s too big.

BRUCE: There’s a lot of blood.

MARGARET: They threw us out.

LYNETTE: They’re taking her into surgery!

DAVE: Oh, God.

(Behind the row of waiting room chairs, doctors and nurses wheel their heavily pregnant eldest daughter HELEN on a gurney across the stage. The family’s voices all mix together so that they cannot be understood, then taper off when the crowd with the gurney gets offstage.)

LYNETTE: They’re giving her an emergency C-section.

DAVE: Is she going to be all right?

MARGARET: They have no idea.

BRUCE: The doctors are going to take care of her. This hospital’s done pretty good by us in the past.

DAVE: Yeah? That’s… that’s good. That’s something.

BRUCE: We’ve got a lot of history here. We’ve made a few visits for just one family.

LYNETTE: It’s a good hospital. This is where Grandma finally got her right diagnosis.

MARGARET: For all the good that did her.

LYNETTE: She had lymphoma, Maggie, there wasn’t much anyone could have done.

BRUCE: But this isn’t like that. This is something they can handle.

DAVE: So… what now?

LYNETTE: I guess there’s nothing to do but wait.

MARGARET: Great.

(They all settle uncomfortably into the waiting room. Bruce picks up a newspaper while LYNETTE and DAVE sit moodily. MARGARET starts playing with her cell phone. She holds it to her ear, then looks at in frustration.)

MARGARET: No cell service at all.

(She gets up and starts walking away.)

LYNETTE: Where are you going?

MARGARET: Trying to find signal.

LYNETTE: Did you have that with you in the delivery room?

BRUCE: You’re not supposed to have cell phones in the hospital rooms, Maggie.

MARGARET: I didn’t use it.

LYNETTE: You shouldn’t use it now.

MARGARET: There’s nothing else to do out here!

BRUCE: You should really be thinking of your sister right now, hon.

MARGARET: (Grumbled, under breath) How’s that any different than usual?

(Flashback to the past. Lights up on the exam room. MARGARET goes and sits on the counter in there. She puts a cast around her wrist. Lights down on the waiting room. Enter HELEN.)

HELEN: Aw, geez, Margaret, look at you.

MARGARET: Yeah, yeah, I know.

HELEN: What happened?

MARGARET: We cut through the construction site on Bacon Street. We were climbing over the earthmover and when I tried to get off I fell. Sandra called an ambulance and they took me here.

HELEN: Oh, my God, don’t you know how dangerous it is in there?

MARGARET: It’s like twenty minutes faster!

HELEN: Maggie, a girl got killed messing around in there last month! There’s heavy machinery and blasting caps and God knows what else. You could have broken your neck or blown yourself up!

MARGARET: Blow myself up, are you kidding?

HELEN: Did the ambulance call the cops on you? You know you were trespassing.

MARGARET: Yeah, but—

HELEN: Jesus, Margaret!

MARGARET: Nobody’s pressing charges! They let me off with a warning not to do it again.

HELEN: You could have gotten into so much trouble. There’s a reason Mom and Dad forbade you from going through there. They’re going to be so disappointed.

MARGARET: You can’t tell them!

HELEN: They’re going to see you’ve got your arm in a cast! You’re just lucky they aren’t going to see it on you in jail.

MARGARET: Christ, calm down! Nothing’s going to happen now! Mom and Dad don’t have to know how it happened. We can just say that I tripped down some stairs or something!

HELEN: I’m not lying to them, Margaret.

MARGARET: So you’re going to rat me out?

HELEN: Not if you tell them yourself.

MARGARET: Nothing all that bad happened! I’m okay mostly! I won’t do it again!

HELEN: They made that rule for a reason.

MARGARET: Who made you my parole officer? Can’t you just help me out here, just this once?

HELEN: Grow up, Margaret.

MARGARET: Yeah, of course not. ‘Cause you never screwed up once in your life. You’re so damn perfect all the time!

HELEN: I thought you were smarter than this, but I guess you’re not.

MARGARET: No shit, you’re the only smart person in the world, Helen. Thanks so much for this, sis. You’re going to run everything. They’re never going to trust me again!

HELEN: You should have thought of that before your betrayed their trust. Come on. Let me get you home already.

(Lights down on the exam room. Return to the present. HELEN exits while MARGARET removes her cast. Lights up on the waiting room. MARGARET sits down sullenly back in one of the chairs.)

BRUCE: I was thinking… should we call him?

LYNETTE: Call who?

BRUCE: You know. The boy. The baby’s father.

LYNETTE: Oh, God.

BRUCE: What was his name again?

DAVE: (Flatly) It was Ben.

BRUCE: That’s right. In all the confusion we didn’t even think of it.

LYNETTE: (Coldly) I did.

MARGARET: Why would we want to call him?

BRUCE: He might want to know what’s happening.

LYNETTE: Oh, I think he made it very clear that he didn’t want to have anything to do with this.

DAVE: Good riddance, I say. He doesn’t deserve to know what’s going on.

BRUCE: So you knew him?

DAVE: Yeah.

BRUCE: And you didn’t like him either.

DAVE: That’s putting it mildly.

BRUCE: I see. I mean, we didn’t get the best impression of him either, but we didn’t really know him…

DAVE: Take it from me, knowing him makes it worse.

BRUCE: So he’s just disappeared, then?

DAVE: Yep. Run off like a rat and can’t be contacted for anything.

BRUCE: It’s good of you be here, Dave.

DAVE: It’s nothing. I wanted to be.

BRUCE: You’ve been such a good friend to Helen through this. She needs good friends right now.

LYNETTE: Yes, thank you, Dave.

(She squeezes his hand.)

LYNETTE: I still can’t believe it. I thought she was smarter than this.

MARGARET: Yeah, she sure seemed to think she was.

DAVE: Hey, come on.

MARGARET: No, seriously! She always acts like she’s got it all figured out, but she’s stupid sometimes just like the rest of us.

BRUCE: Don’t talk about your sister that way.

MARGARET: I’m sick of it!

BRUCE: She is laid out on an operating table right now.

MARGARET: I know, I know. But when? When do we get to talk about how Helen’s not as perfect as she thinks she is?

DAVE: Everybody makes mistakes. Ben was… just a mistake.

LYNETTE: I wish I understood why, though. What in the world did she see in him?

DAVE: God, I don’t know. (To himself) Been asking myself that for a long time.

(Jump back to the past. Lights down on the waiting room as DAVE goes to the exam room. HELEN sits on the counter in a gown with a small but visible pregnancy bump. DR. TEAL enters with a chart.)

DR. TEAL: Helen Gaffen?

HELEN: Yes.

DR. TEAL: Hello, I’m Dr. Teal. I’ll be doing your exam today. How do you do?

(He shakes HELEN’s hand, then turns to DAVE.)

DR. TEAL: And who might you be?

DAVE: Me? I’m Dave Holland.

DR. TEAL: Pleased to meet you. What brings you in with Helen?

(DR. TEAL begins HELEN’s exam.)

DAVE: Well, she didn’t want to come in alone. Somebody should be along. You know, for moral support.

(HELEN looks at DAVE awkwardly. Suddenly he understands.)

DAVE: Oh, it’s not mine.

DR. TEAL: All right.

DAVE: I’m just her friend.

HELEN: The father and I are out of contact. He’s… not going to be involved.

DR. TEAL: I understand. Well, Helen, everything looks fine so far, but we’ll draw some blood for testing, and get you an ultrasound. I’ll just go and get the machine ready. I’ll be right back.

(Exit DR. TEAL. As soon as he’s gone, HELEN collapses a little and covers her face with her hands.)

HELEN: God, what he must be thinking.

DAVE: I’m sorry, I should have kept my mouth shut.

HELEN: No, it’s not you, it’s me.

DAVE: What do you mean?

HELEN: Everyone’s judging me all the time now.

DAVE: Oh, he’s a doctor, I’m sure he doesn’t do that.

HELEN: Well, that makes one of them. I know what everyone else is thinking when they look at me— unwed mother, abandoned by the father, threw away her whole life.

DAVE: I’m so sorry, Helen. I hope that’s not true.

HELEN: Thank you. And thank you for coming down here with me.

DAVE: Glad to do it.

HELEN: If you hadn’t, I don’t know who would have. I couldn’t have asked anyone in my family. They’re so disgusted with me. After getting with Ben, even after everybody told me not to… they all just think I’m a fool.

DAVE: I don’t think that.

HELEN: Really? I know you certainly didn’t approve of him.

DAVE: Well, no, but that never changed what I think of you.

HELEN: That really means a lot. It’s changed what I think of me.

DAVE: Oh, Helen.

HELEN: It has. I can’t believe how stupid I was. Thinking I was special because he was a jerk to everyone but me… of course sooner or later he’d be a jerk to me too. And now I’m abandoned with a baby. Guess I got what was coming to me.

DAVE: You don’t really think that, do you?

HELEN: Think what?

DAVE: That you’re… being punished with this?

HELEN: I don’t even know, Dave.

DAVE: God, no. Helen, you just made a mistake. You didn’t do anything wrong.

HELEN: I’ve still got to pay for it. I mean— I know I shouldn’t say that. A baby’s not a punishment. It’s just… now I have to take care of one all by myself.

DAVE: No, I get it. I mean, now you're stuck with Ben's—

HELEN: Dave, don't talk like that! It's still my baby!

DAVE: I'm sorry. It's just... I know it's yours, but I... it's weird that it's Ben's too.

HELEN: Well, it's weirder for me! But that can't matter anymore. I'm going to be somebody's mother, Dave. Somebody's going to cry when they're hungry, or scared, or hurt, and they're going to be crying for me. I don’t know if I’m up that.

DAVE: You won’t be alone. The people who love you will help.

HELEN: Maybe. But it’s my responsibility. Nobody’s but mine. If I screw this up… my baby suffers for it.

DAVE: You won’t screw it up. You’re good at everything, Helen. I’ve never seen you screw up.

HELEN: Except with this. And my mom thinks I’ve screwed up my whole life. Can’t finish school right now… and I’m probably going to have to get used to being alone. Who’s going to want a screw-up with a kid?

DAVE: Please, Helen, stop. This might have thrown off your plans for the moment, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get back on track later. Things could still work out. Someone as smart and determined as you will find the way.

(HELEN shrugs, unconvinced.)

DAVE: And someone like that will never end up alone. The right person won’t care about any of this.

HELEN: I hope so. It ran Ben off pretty quick.

DAVE: That wasn’t your fault! He’s an asshole. You deserve way better than that. You deserve… somebody better.

(Pause.)

DAVE: Helen… I want you to know I’ll always be here for you. For anything you might need.

(Reenter DR. TEAL. DAVE takes a step back in embarrassment.)

DR. TEAL: All right, Helen, we’ll take you into ultrasound now.

(HELEN slides down off the counter. DAVE starts to follow her out, but DR. TEAL stops him.)

DR. TEAL: Sorry, sir, it’s family only back there.

DAVE: Oh. Of course. I guess I’ll wait for you in here.

HELEN: Thanks, Dave.

(She briefly hugs him.)

HELEN: I really don’t know what I’d do without you.

(HELEN walks out after Dr. TEAL. DAVE stands alone a moment, looking sadly after her.)

DAVE: Yeah.

(The lights go back up on the waiting room and down on the exam room. Return to the present. DAVE returns to the chairs.)

BRUCE: Sure taking a long time in there.

MARGARET: Yeah.

BRUCE: I wonder if there’s a vending machine or something around here.

LYNETTE: I can’t believe you can eat right now.

BRUCE: Well, there’s not much else I can do. Except say my prayers. Been doing that for a while now.

(BRUCE gets up to go searching, but DR. TEAL enters and stops him.)

DR. TEAL: Mr. Gaffen? Mrs. Gaffen?

BRUCE: Yes?

LYNETTE: (Standing) Is she all right?

DR. TEAL: Turns out the situation is a little more serious than it first appeared. There’s a lot of tearing from the baby coming backwards down the birth canal, so we’ve got a lot of bleeding to deal with. It’s touch-and-go for now, but we’re doing everything we can.

DAVE: Oh, God.

DR. TEAL: Don’t give up. We haven’t lost either of them yet.

(DR. TEAL exits.)

LYNETTE: I can’t believe this is happening.

BRUCE: Chin up, love.

LYNETTE: She has such a bright future ahead of her. Or at least, she used to.

DAVE: She still does.

LYNETTE: She’s already had to leave school. Have there ever been any pregnant girls in any of your classes?

DAVE: Uh, not that I noticed. Could have been, though.

MARGARET: Oh, come on. Of course not. How many unwed mothers don’t manage to screw up their lives?

DAVE: This is Ben’s fault, not hers.

BRUCE: Come on, Margaret, don’t talk that way.

DAVE: She wants to get things back in order.

LYNETTE: Yes, but will she be able to? God, this going to ruin everything.

BRUCE: Oh, don’t say that.

LYNETTE: Think of how hard things are going to be, Bruce! What about college?

MARGARET: Will she be able to go back to school with a baby?

LYNETTE: I don’t know how. She’s already a semester behind. It’s not like things will be easier when the baby’s born.

MARGARET: I wonder how Little Miss Perfect will handle that.

BRUCE: Margaret, I’m serious. Cut it out.

LYNETTE: I’m still worried about what’s going to come of this. I don’t know if she’ll ever be able to have the life she wants.

BRUCE: Lynette, how are you so sure?

LYNETTE: Because I’ve seen it.

BRUCE: You don’t know that’s what’s going to happen in this case.

LYNETTE: But what kind of mother will it make her? And what will it be like for the child that has to grow up in that kind of environment?

DAVE: She’s going to do the best she can, I know it.

LYNETTE: That’s what we all do. But sometimes that’s not enough. It was hard on your grandmother. She was about Helen’s age when she had me.

MARGARET: But Grandma was married and everything.

LYNETTE: Even so. She made that very clear.

(Lights down on the waiting room. Jump back to the past. LYNETTE goes to the SR hospital bed. BEVERLY sits up in it, hooked up to machines. LYNETTE faces away from her and picks up the receiver on the wall phone.)

BEVERLY: I can’t believe they’re not letting me go home. I want to talk to the doctor again. Lynette? Lynette, are you listening?

LYNETTE: One minute, Mom, I’m on the phone with Scott.

BEVERLY: What?

LYNETTE: Here. Scott wants to talk.

BEVERLY: Oh, tell him I’m not here.

LYNETTE: Mom, he knows you’re here, you’re in the hospital.

BEVERLY: Tell him I can’t talk!

LYNETTE: Mom, come on.

BEVERLY: Tell him I’m taking a nap now, I’ll call him back.

LYNETTE: Oh, fine. Scott, she’s being difficult right now, she won’t talk. Sorry. I don’t know why! I can’t fight about it, I’ll make sure she calls you back. Bye for now.

(LYNETTE hangs up the phone.)

LYNETTE: I don’t know why you’re being like this.

BEVERLY: I told you before, I don’t want to take calls right now. I’m tired of everyone nosing into my health.

LYNETTE: Scott is your son and he’s concerned about you!

BEVERLY: Oh, if all of you were concerned you’d listen to what I say.

LYNETTE: Please don’t be like this when they get here.

BEVERLY: What do you mean, get here?

LYNETTE: Him and the kids are flying in on Wednesday.

BEVERLY: He’s just dropping everything in the middle of the week?

LYNETTE: He wants to be here with you.

BEVERLY: No, Lynette, not now. I hate it when they see me with my skin all pale and tubes stuck up my nose. Why can’t they wait until a time when I’m not stuck here?

LYNETTE: Mom, I don’t think you understand.

BEVERLY: What don’t I understand?

LYNETTE: You don’t seem to realize what’s happening.

BEVERLY: Oh, aren’t you so smart? Always know better than your mother!

LYNETTE: Will you just let me explain?

BEVERLY: Thank God you’re here to educate me!

LYNETTE: Mom! Please just listen to me.

BEVERLY: Fine, I’m listening.

LYNETTE: This isn’t like all the other times. The chemo isn’t working anymore. Things could get really bad. That’s why everyone’s flying in to see you.

(Pause.)

LYNETTE: Don’t you think we should be together right now?

BEVERLY: Why are you doing this?

LYNETTE: Doing what?

BEVERLY: You’re just trying to scare me!

LYNETTE: Mom, it’s the truth!

BEVERLY: And you throw it in my face so that I behave how you want me to behave! You never think about me!

LYNETTE: I’ve been here all week trying to take care of you!

BEVERLY: I took care of you your whole life, and you do this to me now? This is what I lost all the best years of my life to?

LYNETTE: How can you say that? Do you have any idea how that hurts my feelings?

BEVERLY: Your feelings? I’m the one who’s dying, and I should be worrying about you? Why don’t you go, Lynette, I said I didn’t want anyone visiting me.

(LYNETTE rushes out and returns to the waiting area. Lights down on the bedroom. Return to the present. LYNETTE sits and stares ahead, looking troubled.)

BRUCE: Lynette? Are you all right?

LYNETTE: Oh, yes. Just thinking. It’s hard for a woman with a child she didn’t mean to have. Women didn’t have as many options in those days.

BRUCE: What are you talking about, options? That’s not what your mother wanted and that’s not what Helen wants.

(Long pause.)

MARGARET: What if he dies?

LYNETTE: Who?

MARGARET: The baby. (To DAVE) It wasn’t a girl, you know.

DAVE: What?

MARGARET: The baby. When they looked at the ultrasound they told her she was having a girl. But during the delivery they discovered it’s really a boy.

DAVE: She really does want this. To have this baby. If something happens to him…

LYNETTE: She’s been on the edge of ruining everything ever since that slimy boy came into her life!

DAVE: Look, yeah, Ben was a jerk! Nobody knew that better than me. But that doesn’t change how Helen feels!

MARGARET: It could still happen! We don’t know what’s going to happen! This could be bad either way!

(They start arguing loudly at each other until BRUCE stands up and stops them.)

BRUCE: Stop it, all of you! Don’t you see? It’s not just the baby that might die, Helen might die too! That’s my little girl on that table. All our girl. And until she comes out, that’s all that matters to me. Whatever comes after that, we’ll deal with it.

(They all sit quietly for a long time, worrying and trying to draw comfort from each other. At long last, DR. TEAL enters. Everyone looks up to him expectantly.)

DR. TEAL: Everything’s going to be all right.

LYNETTE: Oh, thank God!

BRUCE: How is she?

DR. TEAL: She’s stable now. She’s still under, but she should be coming out soon.

LYNETTE: And the baby?

DR. TEAL: He’s just fine. They’re cleaning him up now.

MARGARET: Can we see him?

DR. TEAL: Of course. If you come back now, you can be there when Helen wakes up.

LYNETTE: Thank you, doctor. We will.

(The family collects themselves and exchanges embraces and supportive gestures. DR. TEAL starts to show them the way out. At first DAVE hangs back, but when he is noticed, LYNETTE and MARGARET urge him to come along with them. Exeunt and lights out.)


( Lights up on the hospital bedroom as we jump forward to the future. LYNETTE enters, carries a little boy, to the bed where HELEN lies holding a baby wrapped in a pink blanket in her arms.)

HELEN: Say hello to your new little sister, David.

LYNETTE: Helen, she’s beautiful.

THE END