Work whiny



*Sigh* Just got a bunch of new responsibilities given to me at work, which is nice and all, but are accompanied by other changes that are kind of inconvenient. Spent a lot of today in the position of either wait for instructions and come off as not proactive or helpful enough, or try to use my own best judgment and risk handling it wrong. Hmmm, either be a useless cow, or screw up? Yay, my favorite. The really annoying thing is that my work hours just got moved up from 9AM-2PM to 8AM-1PM. Not super-pleased about that, but it's not that big a deal. I'm just a baby who doesn't want to wake up an hour earlier. At least my work period will end earlier without losing any hours. I do like finishing early rather than late. Tomorrow will be the first day of it, so I'd bet remember to reset my morning alarm.

Impressions of the Intercon L schedule

The schedule of games for Intercon L is now available for viewing. I'm on bid com, so I knew all of these things were going to run already, but now the schedule is available for everyone to see. As is my custom at this stage of con preparation, I will now go over my current thoughts for what my signup plan shall be.

Friday night I think my preference is for Feast of the Minotaur. It's written by Andandi Gandolfi, who has an excellent track record, and I like the Ancient Greek mythology setting based around the myth of Theseus. Also interesting to me is Colonel Sebastian T. Rawhide's Circus of the Spectacular, which is a classic I've heard very good things about. I've already played in House of the Rising Sun and I highly recommend it to those of you who are pondering your own options for Friday night. Venezia will probably have a test run at Brandeis before Intercon rolls around, and I will try it then.

Saturday morning, I'd go for Garden of Forking Paths. This is the work of my sometime coauthors emp42ress*, natbudin*, and simplewordsmith* taking the "your choices affect the nature of your game" concept touched on in Resonance to an even greater extreme, with simultaneous runs of the same scenario affecting where everyone else's scenario ends up. I'm not sure how it's going to work exactly, but I know this group does amazing, envelope-pushing work and I'm always game to play something they've written. Failing that, I still haven't gotten into a run of Concordance Station written by readerofposts*, or if all else fails I could always sleep in.

Saturday afternoon the options are not leaping out at me. I would probably go for An Evening Aboard the HMS Eden. It sounds interesting, being a pastiche of Victorian literary characters aboard a cruise ship, and even so Jared thinks he's going to sign up for it, and it would be nice for us to have a game together. I confess I'm curious about Nat and Vik's Harmony Quest, despite the fact that I've technically been spoiled on it and when I first heard about it I was certain it wouldn't be my kind of game. Still, there's a morbid streak in me that wants to know just how uncomfortable I'd be. Also I've heard it's well done for the style of game it is, and as was said by at least five members of bid com, I trust Nat. Probably won't go for it, but the thought has crossed my mind. I also have some curiosity as to how The Linfarn Run is, being an intimate Brit game, though I'm not really interested in Firefly.

Saturday evening I will be running Resonance with the aforementioned writers from Alleged Entertainment. We're quite proud of this unusual sort of game, so if you haven't played yet it might be worth your while. Of the games going up concurrently with it, I'm quite sorry I won't be able to play in Port Hidalgo, a well-regarded pirate adventure, and I've heard good things about Roanoke, a game about the Sir Walter Raleigh's colony in Virginia. I tend to like period games.

Sunday morning the only thing that particularly interested me I've already played (GM Space) and so will be observing my usual Sunday-of-the-con tradition of collapsing in an exhausted heap. I do recommend GM Space as probably the funniest larp I've ever played, however, so keep it in mind if you've never been in it.

And that's my plan. Not sure what my first signup will be; logic dictates that Garden, as the game with the fewest number of slots, should be my first choice, so probably I'll go for that. Feast is the other possibility, because although it's large I'm very excited to play it. First round signups open November 2nd, so put it on your calendars, everyone.

My tragic pattern

I can be such a dumbass. Whenever a due date for school comes up, I end up feeling like I don't have enough time and spend the last handful of days leading up to it killing myself to get my analytical responses and my dramatic writing done. I have trouble using bits and pieces of time to get anything done; it requires a mental shift for me to do buckle down into the work, which means I need a decent-sized chunk of time to really dig into my assignments. And when it's finally done, I feel so brain-drained I want to take a break for a few days... after which point, there's ANOTHER due date just a few days away again, and I'm back in the same situation. *Sigh* On top of that, I'm trying to figure out what promises to be the most complex, delicate, and elaborate blocking for Merely Players, which I want to have ready to teach the cast by this Sunday's rehearsal. Speaking of which, does anybody have any time during the day on Saturday to maybe help me work some of the choreography out? In case you're wondering, yes, though not precisely the same, this does technically qualify as "all my shows must have a dance!" ;-)

Random musings on ballet so far

Had my third ballet class. Other than some irritating issues with their billing process (they will not credit me the classes I bought in bulk until I physically receive my class card, which THEY HAVE YET TO MAIL ME, grrrr...) I am really liking it. Here follows some random musing on ballet.

One thing that shocked me was how familiar it all was. The movements, the positions, the words for everything, all felt weirdly natural and intuitive. I mean, of course the subtleties of how you execute the dance and how exactly to use your body requires years of devoted practice and training, and while I'm doing well enough for a beginner it's not like I'm picking it up effortlessly. But the basic gists of the movements all felt very familiar to me, even though I've never had any instruction in it before-- even when I would falter on what to do, when I would see what the right thing to do was, I got a strange feeling of, "Oh, of course that's right." I wonder why that is. Maybe ballet was formulated based on the way the body is inclined to move, so when I do it, I'm doing what my muscles were made to do. Maybe it's because ballet is so technical that the way it's done has a very iconic, recognizable look to it, and having seen ballet and absorbed something of what it's like. While I wouldn't say I've experience a lot, I have had some, and it made a real impression on my mind. Whatever the reason, it's kind of cool how "right" a lot of the steps feel even though this is the first instruction I've ever had in it.

I am also struck by how bodies can be strange and amazing things. Mine always shocked me with the ways I'm flexible and the ways I'm not. When I was in elementary school doing the Presidential Fitness Exam, I scored high enough to pass in every category except the sit-and-reach where you put your legs in front of you and see how far along them you can stretch. Back then my knees were so tight that I couldn't reach as far as a boy, for whom the flexibility standard was lower, let alone be able to touch my toes. It's not nearly so bad now since I'm put some effort into working on it, but still, my knee tendons are weirdly inflexible and prevent me from doing a number of athletic feats without pain that I would probably otherwise be capable of. But my hips, by contrast, are practically the hips of a contortionist. I can effortlessly lay my legs flat on the ground in butterfly stretch, and I can lift my leg just about to shoulder level before my thrice-damned knees start to complain. In ballet class we had to do an exercise where we'd lay one leg on the ballet bar at various angles from the hip and bend the body over it. When my leg was out in front of me, putting the tension on the knee tendons, I could barely bend at all without it hurting. But when my leg was at my side, requiring flexion at the hip, I could practically lay down on it. I should have someone take pictures of me doing this sometime to illustrate it, as the difference is really quite extreme.

With any luck, though, doing ballet will increase my knee flexibility. At the moment doing some of that stuff is quite hard on them. But weirdly enough, as tough as that stretching is to do in the moment, though I expect to be sore after class or the next day, I'm really not. I can feel the effort while I'm doing it, but so far, no residual soreness or discomfort. I guess I should be pleased about that; means no unnecessary pain, and probably indicates I'm not as out of shape as I thought. Still, I hope I'm getting the workout I think I'm getting out of this. Ballet has a reputation for its physical demands that whip the dancer into shape. As I've mentioned, I'm just a little bit chunkier now than I'd like to be, and even think a slight slimming down would make me a better dancer. Truth be told, though, much as I tend to like thin girls, I've never particularly enjoyed the look of the classic ballerina body-- that spare, tightly pulled, almost featureless figure. In extreme cases it suggests to me a weird meshing of an immature, childish body with the strained, pulled aspect of harsh aging. Heh, of course for me that's not going to come even close to happening, so with any luck I'll just get back into the shape I want to be.

Ballet to come

This week at the ballet school I've just started going to is "Back to Basics" week, which means the classes will be focusing on reviewing the foundational stuff on which everything you learn from then on is based. I am pleased with this, as since I've just started I could use a plain laying out of the basics. This would be a good time for other newbies to come, if anyone is interested in learning.

Also, the week after that is "Bring a Friend" week. My understanding is that anyone in the class who brings someone new with them that week gets both of them to take the class for free. I would love it if someone came along with me, for company and to take a free class together. Just throwing it out there! Contact me in either case and we can figure out the details.

Bridgewater Larp Day concluded

Bridgewater Larp Day is accomplished. It turned out to be a pretty good event that I had a lot of fun with, despite the fact that I wasn't feeling particularly healthy or energetic. Congrats to EB for organizing it. Oz ran well, if a little on the quick side, lasting about three hours rather than four. I guess everyone pushed their plots very fast! Everyone did seem extremely busy, which is my usual marker of people enjoying their play experience. It would have been notable if for no other reason than katiescarlett29*, who has been trepidatious about larping, seemed to have a good time! She was cast as Dorothy, which tends to be a very good newbie role, and got into her plot and connected with the other larpers around her. I was also amused by how people seemed to be constantly putting the environmental cataclysm on the back burner; I'm very glad they were that engaged with their individual plots, but you'd expect a little more concern for the threat to the entirety of the universe. ;-)

After Oz, I finally got to play in House of the Rising Sun, which has been Jared and EB's project for the last year. I was very excited, and the game itself did not disappoint. House is a dark, angst-filled game, perfect for people who like emotional extremity and dramatic scenes in larps. I really enjoyed the presence of the ghosts, and the way the walls between their world and ours slowly broke down as the game went on. I was in a privileged position of being able to see the ghosts straight off, which made for some fun freaking out, and it gave me an interesting position to glimpse into the struggles and closet skeletons of everyone around me. I was also really luck to be in it with such a great group of players; morethings5*, captainecchi*, electric_d_monk*, wired_lizard*, mllelaurel*, April, Nick, vortexofchaos*, darkoni, kamianya*, Alison, and more. I have some minor criticisms about issues in certain characters' back stories, but they are mostly literary stylistic points that don't affect the thrust of the narrative too much. All in all, though, I highly recommend this game, as long as you're not bothered by dark content. I'm really proud of EB and Jared for putting this together. This is Jared's first finished four-hour larp, and I'm incredibly happy for him that it went so well. Well done, my love. :-)

Sick all week

This has been a real rough week for me, health-wise. First the migraines, then a jag of vomiting, now a run-of-the-mill achey sneezy cold. I suppose technically that means an improvement every day, but still, I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. Normally I'm a very healthy person, so it's been very rare that I've ever had any extended period of being unwell. The worst of it is how low-energy I've been for productivity of any kind. I've struggled through, but it's been rough. Tomorrow I'm running Oz in Bridgewater and playing in the first run of Jared and EB's new game, House of the Rising Sun. I really hope I'm not dragging too badly. It's a good crowd in this run, and I've been looking forward to House for a while now. I really want to do it justice. I'll just have to get a good night's sleep tonight, maybe take a decongestant in the morning, and do the best that I can.

My blocking style: CREATIVE ADRENALINE HYPERDRIVE MODE

Had a ballet class the other day, my first at the school that blendedchaitea* is also attending. I enjoyed it, though it wasn't quite what I expected. I guess because they don't expect you to necessarily be there every class, it wasn't so much like "here is the lesson" as "follow along with the teacher as she goes." I did a reasonable job of following along, as I am fairly athletic even if I am totally unschooled. I enjoyed the challenge of it, and I liked that it felt like a workout. Though I really need to drop a few pounds. My thighs have gotten big enough to make some of the closer-set leg positions uncomfortable to do properly, which I loathe. Makes me feel like a tub. Hopefully the ballet will contribute to the slimming down, which will in turn make the ballet easier. I'm hoping to go again tonight before I meet Jared for BSCF.

Second Merely Players rehearsal yesterday was a rousing success. I was really pleased with the blocking we set down. I like to go into rehearsals with a very firm plan of what we're going to be doing with each scene. My preferred style is to give a solid framework for each scene's action, then have the actors develop their own pieces of it from there. It usually comes out with very good results when I've come up with something good that inspires the cast acting it out. But sometimes just working on the blocking on my own, I don't quite... get there. I don't get inspired to figure something out that's quite on the level I want it to be. As I've said so many times before, I believe a dynamic, well-composed, and well-orchestrated stage is the key to an engaging production. That's a pretty tough thing to achieve. So sometimes, like last night, I end up having to go in with my plan about seventy-five percent of where I want it to be. But then, once I'm in rehearsal, the creative pressure kicks in. I don't want my cast to see me unprepared, or turning in a level of work less than what I believe I'm capable of, so I'd better figure it out RIGHT NOW GODDAMN IT. And that frenzied urgency to turn it out right now so I don't let down my actors, what I call CREATIVE ADRENALINE HYPERDRIVE, kicks up the plan the final twenty-five percent. We worked out some really great, active, dynamic stuff last night that seemed to click with the actors performing it, and I felt really on my game.

This is really important ot me because I believe plays, particularly plays with a classical bent, benefit from activity that is supertextual. Hold Thy Peace has never been very good at bringing a lot of action to the stage that is not directly informed by the text. But things that are done even when they are not said can add more depth, more visual texture, and explicate aspects of the show that otherwise may seem unclear, rushed, or plain unbelievable. Merely Players in particular I wanted to be extremely active and visually layered, so having a lot going on is crucial. This is an unusual case because I happened to have also written this text we're working with, but but I prefer to included as little blocking in a script as possible in order to allow it to be directed without baggage. I included a litlte to suggest the sort of physical humor I wanted to get at, but largely I wanted to develop the staging independently of the script so that we didn't limit what we could do. And that means coming up with a lot of stuff that isn't written down, that adds layers to just the things suggested by the words.

There is, it occurred to me last night, just one weird downside to these energetic creative bursts. They kind of take up so much of my brainpower that there isn't much room left over for anything else. Normally I'd say I'm a pretty together, mentally present person when it comes to running mundane responsibility stuff-- scheduling, staying organized, being on top of what's going on, things like that. But I find when I go into that CREATIVE ADRENALINE HYPERDRIVE mode, it pushes all ability to handle those things right out of my head. There is only the project, work for the project, make the project great-- but I can't seem to remember the rehearsal schedule I made for that night, I have a hard time focusing on anything I have to read, and my brain moves so far ahead of my mouth that I sometimes forget what I'm talking about. I spent rehearsal practically bouncing off the walls, and by the end of it I was twitchy and babbly. But it is worth it to lose a little of my mental composure, because we came up with some really fun, interesting, funny stuff to use in the show. I'm really proud of myself, and incredibly pleased with the people I was working with, who were kind enough to gently remind me the different between eight o'clock and nine o'clock when I lost the ability to tell.

Another goddamn migraine

Tuesday was ruined by another migraine. Though not nearly as bad as the one I had a couple weeks ago-- during which I would not have been surprised to hear I was actually dying --it set in painfully in the late afternoon on Monday. When I woke up very early on Tuesday and it hadn't gone away, I decided to just haul my throbbing head into the emergency room and get checked out. I used to never get these things, and now I'm getting them just weeks apart. They gave me painkillers and pumped me full of fluids and concluded I most likely didn't develop a brain tumor, but should get checked out by a neurologist just to make sure, and get myself an official diagnosis. In the meantime, I need to make certain I keep myself from getting dehydrated, which, whatever else is going on, certainly is making it worse. I have a weird tendency to not feel thirsty until I'm dry as a bone and so kind of forget to drink the way busy people sometimes forget to eat. I'm going to have to retrain myself out of that habit, as it's really hurting me in this respect. Anything to keep from having another day laid out in a pounding, naseous wreck, wondering if my brain was trying to gnaw its way out.

First Merely Players rehearsal



We had our first rehearsal for Merely Players on Sunday, and I was really pleased. The actors for the most part picked up the sort of feeling we're going for very quickly, allowing us to jump into the blocking. We're going for a very delicate kind of meta here, where everything is meant to be commentary on and parody of working in a theater troupe with all other aspects of the story being secondary. That means that whenever anyone does anything onstage, it's not so much for service to the plot or the expression of the character they're playing, but rather intended to make a point on the subject matter in a humorous way. It's a weird way for an actor used to building a performance based on creating a character who wants a thing to conceptualize what they're supposed to be doing up there, but pretty much everybody seems to be getting it. I'll have to do a good job explaining to make sure everybody's following.

Best of all, I think it's going to be genuinely funny. Humor can be a very elusive thing, requiring timing and judicious setup, and is not easy to really nail. But I'm proud of what we've done so far. Contrary to my usual control-freak ways, I am working very hard to encourage collaboration, so as to enrich the material with as many funny things as we can come up with. I am fortunate to have a game and gutsy cast who is willing to take risks to make it really funny. This is niobien*'s first time acting onstage, and she has been wonderful, enthusiastic, energetic, and very, very fun to work with. I think the audience is going to love her. I'm working really hard to have a lot going on onstage, to give it visual texture and keep a lot of the comedy physical. The more theater I do, the more fixated I become on the notion that good theater is visually engaging and dynamic, never leaving just a flat and static stage.

One thing I have resolved is that I am not going to stress over this show at all. If something doesn't go exactly right in the process, if things don't work out the way I plan, I am just going to roll with it. This is not supposed to be a magnum opus we're all going to hold up as high art we made for years to come; this is supposed to be a fun show where we experiment, learn some stuff, have some fun, and hopefully make our audience laugh. And one way or another, it will get done.