Because evidently I am a child

It's times like these when I'm forced to conclude that you can't say anything to anyone.

...

You know what, I was just going to stop there all cryptic and punchy, but I'm not going to leave it at that.

I have a favor to ask of everyone. In dealing with me, I very humbly request that you err on the side of assuming that I'm self-aware-- that is, AWARE of things in regards to MYSELF. Please do not point out rather basic "Have you considered doing X" or "Could Y be the problem" because, please trust me, I HAVE THOUGHT OF IT. As I have said recently, I work very hard to clearly and ruthlessly understand myself, and that means I do a lot of self-examination and mulling over things that need dealing with in my life. Anything you can think of in the rare moment that your attention in on my problem, it has almost certainly already occurred to me.

I know people care and are just trying to help. But lately it seems that the general consensus about me is I just sort of sashay through my life not examining anything that arises for me, and if it's a problem maybe I just vaguely wonder why things seem to be all messed up and not, in fact, quietly and privately figure out what the trouble is and what I can do to fix it. It hurts my feelings, frankly feels disrespectful, that people assume that I'm not examining myself, not dealing with my problems, and that I couldn't come up with that stuff on my own. If you could in in an offhand moment bumping up against someone else's life, wouldn't the person whose life it actually is have to be an idiot not to have thought of it themselves?

I don't believe in airing laundry in public. I far and away prefer handling the bumps and snags in my life away from prying eyes. I gather that to some people, just because they don't witness me doing it, the assumption is that I don't actually deal with my problems. This notion is madness to me-- it's nobody's business but my own, and trust me to deal with the things that need dealing with.

So, in summary-- I am not a fool, nor am I a child. Things occur to me. I am under no illusions. It does not mean I have not examined or dealt with some just because I have not shared that process with you. Do me the courtesy, next time something comes up for you like this, of assuming that I am self-aware enough to have, in fact, considered the options and possibilities of whatever it is in my life.

Clarification

Since this has actually come up several times recently, I thought I'd clarify what the deal is with my Burn Notice campaign.

The Burn Notice-inspired Spycraft game I am running right now is designed to emulate the circumstances of the show. That means I have a core cast of characters that are meant to represent the characters on the show-- I have a Michael character, a Fiona character, and a Sam character, plus a Barry character who appears every now and then to do support things. I didn't have an open call for players in this game because it's intended to be an experiment for me-- to see if I can set a tone as a GM that the game will mostly be about roleplaying if I'm surrounded by players I feel comfortable with who feel comfortable with each other. I cast people I knew would not fight with each other or with me in roles I wrote to fit the scenario.

The upshot of all this is that everything is pretty carefully designed; I didn't mean for there to be much flexibility. I didn't mean to exclude anyone who's interested in playing; I just only had a few spots and needed people who would fit my chosen criteria, so I'm sorry if anyone feels left out. But this isn't really a campaign that people can join. That said, I want to bring people in to play recurring characters now and again, and possibly an exception may be able to be made sometime in the near future (I will talk to you if this turns out to be so), but for now, that's kind of the situation. Sorry for anyone who felt left out, I didn't mean to hurt any feelings.

Turkeys!

The family of turkeys I saw at the top of the secret passageway leading into East lot was in my backyard this morning! At least, I think it was the same family, seeing as it was so close, and there was also a mommy turkey, a daddy turkey, and NINE little baby turkeys. That's a big family! They were surprisingly brave little guys, allowing me to get really close to them and not even startling when I delightedly yelled out "Turkeys!" on seeing of them. I love seeing animals, especially wild ones just out and around. I always gush over them like a little kid.

Macbeth

Seeing as my show is now only two weeks away, I should probably now let people know the details so they can make plans.

MACBETH
The Gurnet Theater Project
August 7th-9th and 14th-16th, 5pm nightly
Outdoors At the Myles Standish Monument
Crescent Street, Duxbury, MA

www.gurnettheatre.com/Macbeth.html

Unfortunately, it's about an hour drive from Waltham to Duxbury, so if you're inclined to go, I suggest getting a group together. Come see me play a sixteen-year-old Scottish boy who flies now, but one day shall get kings. :-)

Alone time

Today was a day for Phoebe to be alone. I needed to take care of a few things, but I also just needed some space and quiet so I could just think.

Tomorrow lots of things are happening. A game of Twilight Imperium will be going on at Elsinore. I have rehearsal all the way in Duxbury starting at noon, so unfortunately I won't be able to be there for the first part of the game. It's a shame, not because I have any interest in playing, but because there's a chance that the awesome Mr. Mike Hyde may be attending, and it would be cool to get a chance to hang out with him. I should be back before the end, though. And then, the second session of Burn Notice goes on. I think I'm ready, though I should probably go over things one more time, just to be safe.

I baked three pies for the company, two pumpkin and one apple. I enjoyed it, but it was more work than I expected it to be; the whole process, including the massive amour of cleanup that always follows pie-baking, took three solid hours of work. I've never made that many pies without help before, and it was particularly challenging to roll out and lay on all the crusts without a second set of hands. I'm actually kind of exhausted. But there are now three beautiful pies cooling on he stove for everyone coming tomorrow, so enjoy the fruits of my labors.

I look down and my feet are covered with flour. I look behind me and see little powdery white footprints. I see I have more cleaning to do.

I should go take a shower. Or clean more. But my flour-feet are tired.

On to the next project

So, having completed the second run of Oz and having pretty much everything in order for the upcoming Chicago run of Alice, I find myself needing a new project to focus on. I have my Burn Notice campaign, which will hopefully have its second session this coming Sunday, in the evening after my rehearsal and the Twilight Imperium game that is happening. That of course requires planning ahead of time, buyt as the game runs in installments I can do the prep in installments as well. What I need is another big larp project to get going on. I've got a new plan in the works for a game based off Clue. Now, I know that lots of Clue games exist, but I'm hoping to make this one special by using the blackmail idea from the movie version, and by devising a system to make the murder modular-- that is, to make it so I can change who the culprit is every time, and the players can still use the evidence to deduce their identity. Heh, heh, not sure how I'm going to accomplish this great innovation yet, but hey, it'll be good for me to have a writing issue to work out.

Burn Notice campaign

Been watching a lot of Burn Notice recently. It's a really damn good show. I love the premise of a guy who used to be an international covert operative who's suddenly blacklisted, and forced to make his way doing private operations while trying to figure out who burned him. Makes me want to run a Spycraft campaign with that setup-- a small campaign, like three people, maybe even a solo one, where you have the superspy cababilities but with the most localized setting and challenges, all the while unraveling the larger mystery of who put you out a job. I'd either have one player for the Michael, Sam, and Fiona characters, or I'd just have the Michael and everyone else be NPCs.

The upside of doing better on not biting my nails is that they look a hell of a lot better grown out so nicely. The downside is that they make it a lot harder to type on the keyboard.

Knots

Not sleeping well lately, as you may have gathered by the fact that I'm posting at quarter to 4AM. Very unlike me, as I usually crash at midnight. I'm not sure if all the Snapple I've been pounding has caused such a spike in my caffiene levels, or if my stomach ache is getting to be too much.

I'm stressed lately. Moreso than I had been, now. I have sad feelings over some stuff I've recently had to deal with that has made things significantly worse. The trouble is, these new bad feelings are not reasonable; they are not over anything I have any right to be bothered by. I acknowledge that, I recognize that. I'm quite disgusted with myself that I've gotten to this point at all; I cannot accept such selfishness in myself. But still, I feel bad. I worry that the only way to feel better is to do something selfish, and otherwise my stomach stays in knots.

I'm going to do the right thing. I have to; I couldn't live with myself otherwise. It's better to hurt.

Family tartan

As you may know, most of my family is Italian-American; both of my grandfathers were the sons of Italian immigrants. But my maternal grandmother is Russian, and my paternal one, my Gigi, is half-English, half-Scotch-Irish. My Gigi's mother was a scion of an old Scottish family in Pennsylvania called the Lynns. They're the only even vague connection to class my family has, the rest of us being various varities of European peasant. ;-) The cool thing is, the Lynns, being Scottish, quite old, and at one point the vassals of a family with royal blood, were permitted to wear a particular tartan, which I have come upon:



I actually kind of like it. So technically, being a descendant of the Lynns and with no other superceding Scottish ancestry, I have the right to wear this plaid as my family tartan. :-) Kind of cool, huh?

Not always the enemy

It occurs to me that my efforts in learning to cook are good for helping me deal with my issues with food. And not only in the obvious way of being able to control what goes into what I eat so I feel better about it. Even more importantly, it reminds me that food is beautiful, instead of being the enemy.