Realization of moving forward

As you may remember, one of my Lenten resolutions was to work on keeping a more serene outlook. By the time Ash Wednesday rolled around, I had become so easily overwhelmed and so fast to lose my temper that I was losing my cool at even the slightest frustration. I resolved that I would spend my Lent learning to keep my head and stay centered even when I felt upset or unable to cope, no matter how big or small the issue in my way.

I'm feeling pretty pressed right now. The last several weeks have been intense. No free evenings, lots of new responsibilities at work, two huge homework assignments, the need to get off-book for my show. I am knocking them off slowly, but the coincidence of all these deadlines with how little free time I've had to work on them has not been easy. In fact, I was thinking yesterday at how remarkable it was that I haven't panicked at the amount of work. And I realized then that I've been doing much, much better at keeping my head when I'm feeling stressed or overwhelmed.

During Lent I started working to catch myself when I could feel I was losing it. "Keep your head. Keep it together. You're stronger than that." I've always been surprised by how successful it's been to tell myself, "You are strong. Now prove it." It's been hard to remember to do that since my pattern has become to respond with immediate and all-consuming rage, but I start focusing on checking myself. I've also had good luck with a silly little trick I've had since childhood, to imagine what if I were in a really tough situation like some hero in a story I like, having to be actually brave with people who depended on me to save them, would it do to let myself lose it then? Childish as it is, it really helps. I know, because staring down my screenplay, my reading, my fiction piece, my new job stuff, and all those Irene Adler lines, I am not shaken, I am simply working through.

I think I really improved myself with my efforts over Lent. And in breaking that pattern, in establishing a new pattern, it's become easier to do. The oncoming tide of upset is smaller and no longer so difficult to hold back. You really can change your brain through your habits. And I feel incredibly good that I managed it.