Recently it was pointed out to me that the sign that I have utterly dismissed someone as having completely lost my respect (whether just for the moment or more lastingly) is when I call them a child.
I can't respect an adult who behaves like a child. I'm not talking about liking to play with Legos or blowing bubbles in your chocolate milk. I'm talking about being responsible for your actions and being held to a certain standard of behavior. The way I see it, adults are obliged to conduct themselves with a certain degree of accountability that means it's just not acceptable to do something unfair or irresponsible, especially in regards to the people around you.
The opposite is to be expected from the immature, the unformed. Children flake on their commitments. Children need people to hold their hand through obligations they find uncomfortable or unpleasant, or push them off on someone else. They whine, they don't control themselves or their emotions, they don't handle things maturely. These things grind my nerves like nothing else, and while I can put up with it from someone who's not grown up enough to handle themselves, I can't stand it in someone who should know better by now.
If you want these things, fine. But if you're going to act like a child, then I get to treat you like one. I don't consider your opinion to have much weight. I don't trust you with or count on you for anything. I do not accord you any particular esteem. Anything beyond basic human respect must be earned; it's not a right. It's a balance-- rights and responsibilities come together. I, and many of the people who make up my social circle, are at the stage of life where they are transitioning from childhood to adulthood. That means it's getting less and less understandable for grownup capabilities not to develop.
I don't know. Maybe my standards are unreasonable. Or maybe I'm just justifying what a grouch I am.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
Readthrough dinner
I am back in Massachusetts now after a pleasant, if significantly more time-committed than I expected, visit home. It's good to be back. My day at work was shockingly full-- it doesn't rain but it pours here. The next thing on my agenda is preparing for the first readthrough of To Think of Nothing, which will happen this Wednesday night. I have my list of things to go over with the cast, and since we'll be meeting at Elsinore, I've decided I'd like to make them dinner. It's been a while since I made a big dinner, so it'll be fun for me to not only get to hear my new cast read my play, I'll get to feed them a delicious meal. Feeding them seems like a good way to ensure actor loyalty, eh? I am hoping to enlist Steph, who is also one of my actors, to help me with the cooking, and to contribute a lovely dessert. I should probably send out an e-mail reminding everyone, and check if anyone has any particular eating restrictions.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Wha?
I just saw a gas station attendant wearing Dolce and Gabbana. This confuses me on several levels.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Incomprehensible skin
God, my skin makes no sense to me. It seems to have become rather clear lately, despite the fact that I haven't been diligent with my acne wash recently. It could be that stuff just isn't good for me, but it seems like my skin gets better or worse randomly, regardless of the treatment or lack thereof it is recieving. I kind of want to just go to a dermetologist and say "What does my skin need to get clear?" and then actually know what the problem is the and the right way to deal with it. The trouble is that the insurance I'm on is kind of in flux lately, and I don't really have the extra cash to cover a visit on my own. Still, it might be worth looking into to see if I can actually do it.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Inherited domesticity
One thing that I'm grateful that I absorbed from my parents is my notion of the proper quality of domestic life. Every time I come back to my parents house I am reminded of just how pleasant, comfortable, and tasteful a home they always made for us. Even though I grew up there, I never quite appreciated how nice the home I grew up in was. But when I come back after not being around for a long time, I always marvel at how beautiful the decor is and how wonderfully clean it all is. And it still manages to avoid that uncomfortable, sterile feel that homes with elegant decor and extreme cleanliness sometimes have, instead keeping it inviting and totally liveable. That's all my mom's doing; she designed most of it herself. Also, cooking is their special hobby, so they taught me how great it was to eat well. Both my parents are excellent cooks, my mom in particular. Just looking around the place shows how big a part good cookery is of their lives. They have bunches of herbs hanging in the garage, drying after being picked straight from the garden in the backyard. There's a stack of cedar planks bundled in the pantry for grilling fish. Gorgeous copper pots hang from a beautiful rack above the stove.
I trace this as the source of my special love for the things that make a home beautiful and comfortable; tablecloths, nice furniture, curtains, china, baskets, all sorts of things of that nature. My desire to learn how to cook well comes from this as well. I don't think I ever realized how lucky I was. It has deeply influenced my own preferences, and I hope to one day be able to keep my own home with the same comfort and taste as my mom and dad do.
I trace this as the source of my special love for the things that make a home beautiful and comfortable; tablecloths, nice furniture, curtains, china, baskets, all sorts of things of that nature. My desire to learn how to cook well comes from this as well. I don't think I ever realized how lucky I was. It has deeply influenced my own preferences, and I hope to one day be able to keep my own home with the same comfort and taste as my mom and dad do.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Thanksgiving 2009
Had a lovely Thanksgiving Day with my family today, spent cooking, watching The Closer marathon, and hanging out my parents and brother. Dinner was especially delicious this year, since we got a brined turkey this time around, and it came out juicier than it ever has before. And I don't care what Alton says, stuffing is fantastic, and ours came out wonderful. I'm still digesting after all that food, but I'd like to be able to have just one piece of pie before the night is over.
For some reason I found my thoughts wandering to if I hosted my own Thanksgiving, having my parents come up to Waltham and inviting all my friends. I'm not sure what makes me think of this, since I really enjoy the way my family puts on the holiday-- the food is delicious, the low-key family-only company is great, and generally things are happy and pleasant. Maybe I love it so much that I want to share it with my chosen family as well, but still, with the food and things the way I like them. :-) I would have to figure out a way to make it kosher, though; we use so much butter in the making of the meal, more than I ever realized before I took kosher concerns into considerations.
I want pie now. I'm still too stuffed, but I want pie.
For some reason I found my thoughts wandering to if I hosted my own Thanksgiving, having my parents come up to Waltham and inviting all my friends. I'm not sure what makes me think of this, since I really enjoy the way my family puts on the holiday-- the food is delicious, the low-key family-only company is great, and generally things are happy and pleasant. Maybe I love it so much that I want to share it with my chosen family as well, but still, with the food and things the way I like them. :-) I would have to figure out a way to make it kosher, though; we use so much butter in the making of the meal, more than I ever realized before I took kosher concerns into considerations.
I want pie now. I'm still too stuffed, but I want pie.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Home for Thanksgiving
Got home to Pennsylvania today to spend Thanksgiving with my family. Rode six hours in the car with my brother and his girlfriend, then arrived home in the afternoon. Casey drove Sarah to her place while I helped my parents get dinner ready.
My dad has recently decided he'd like to try homebrewing, so he and I took a ride to the local restaurant supply store to pick up some equipment. I've always wanted to go to one of those, and it certainly did not disappoint. Alton Brown recommends them for cooking supplies because you can get professional-quality items at price far beneath what you'd find at retail. Pretty much any kind of cooking implement or serving vessel you could need can be found there, and I was delighted to look at all the neat, reduced-price kitchen things. My dad got, among other things, the twenty-quart stainless steel pot he needed for beer-making for fifty dollars-- an item you normally see at between three and four hundred. Score! I also got a giant stainless mixing bowl to take back to Massachusetts with me. I really want to go back when I have more time to browse, and a better idea of what my kitchen needs. I wonder if there's one in Waltham that I'd love to make a pilgrimage to with anyone who'd like to come. I think I'll do a little searching.
My dad has recently decided he'd like to try homebrewing, so he and I took a ride to the local restaurant supply store to pick up some equipment. I've always wanted to go to one of those, and it certainly did not disappoint. Alton Brown recommends them for cooking supplies because you can get professional-quality items at price far beneath what you'd find at retail. Pretty much any kind of cooking implement or serving vessel you could need can be found there, and I was delighted to look at all the neat, reduced-price kitchen things. My dad got, among other things, the twenty-quart stainless steel pot he needed for beer-making for fifty dollars-- an item you normally see at between three and four hundred. Score! I also got a giant stainless mixing bowl to take back to Massachusetts with me. I really want to go back when I have more time to browse, and a better idea of what my kitchen needs. I wonder if there's one in Waltham that I'd love to make a pilgrimage to with anyone who'd like to come. I think I'll do a little searching.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Housing grumbling
It occurs to me that I should have included one additional category on my outline of what's going on in my life right now that has an effect on my wellbeing and happiness, and that category is "housing."
I currently live at Elsinore, a house on South Street very close to Brandeis with four other people. There's a lot I like about the place. I like the setup of living in a house. My room is nice and big because I have the master bedroom. The location is incredibly convenient, within walking distance of a number of important things. I have space to entertain with dinners and parties. I have really appreciated these features of my living situation over the last year and a half I've lived there.
But still, living at Elsinore involves roommates. My dearest dream at the moment is to live alone, without having other people in my space with their irritating habits. In general, they're not bad; I have no real problem at all with one of them, though the other three tend to get on my nerves. But I really hate having to deal with the habits and mess of other people, and frankly I feel chased out of my own space a lot of the time. I'd really love to have a place that was just to myself. I worry though about the feasibility of finding a place I could afford by myself, and what I'd be sacrificing to have it. Probably wouldn't have space to entertain, which I do love. Would lose the lovely big bedroom. And the convenient proximity to important things would be a pain in the tail. Would I be giving up too many of the things that make me happy just to live by myself? I'm not sure, but it's something I'll have to think about as May comes around.
Still, I don't live well with other people, and when I'm at home I generally prefer to be alone. And I feel like a lot of problems stem from having to deal with other people to handle your problems. Here's an example. When zapf* and witticaster* moved out, one of my other roommates took over handling the household bills. By and large that's worked out, because we're all on the same bill for things like utiltiies, but I have never loved just having to trust someone else to handle my financial matters. But recently we got a big water bill from our landlord that put my monthly expenses up to an unreasonable level. I pointed out to my roommate who handles the bills that I was fairly certain when we first moved in we were told we would not pay for water; that would be encompassed by the rent. Basically he doesn't acknowledge me, just goes ahead with calculating what we all owe. I keep on with it, and finally get him to say he doesn't remember whether or not we ever paid for water before because he wasn't handling the bills back then. I am aghast; was he just handing over money without knowing what it was for? Does he expect me to do the same? So finally I call zapf* and ask him what the deal was; he confirms that at least when the initial group moved in a year and a half ago that was the agreement. I pass this on, and finally my roommate agrees to talk to the landlord about it.
I just couldn't believe my current roommate was so unaware of the situation, and was so hard to get to listen to me about this. Is he cool with just handing over that much extra money? I hate living with people! I just want to have to worry about myself.
Anyway, the one other issue of living at Elsinore is that when the lease for the first year ran out and people moved in and out for the new year, we were never given a new lease. Our landlord isn't exactly a bad landlord, but he doesn't get back to you about anything and everything he does so is on an enormous time delay. But I guess technically none of us are on the lease, due to no fault of our own, and I worry what would happen if we protest this water bill. I'm pretty sure that was the old agreement, but we don't have an agreement right now. Hell, I guess if he wanted to he could tell us to leave right now and we'd have no way to stop him. But that water bill pushes my monthly expenses beyond what I can easily handle, so I don't think I can just leave this be.
So, the one other aspect of my life affecting my life is this. Though not terrible and not without its advantages, is a source of stress, one that I am still trying to figure out how to deal with.
I currently live at Elsinore, a house on South Street very close to Brandeis with four other people. There's a lot I like about the place. I like the setup of living in a house. My room is nice and big because I have the master bedroom. The location is incredibly convenient, within walking distance of a number of important things. I have space to entertain with dinners and parties. I have really appreciated these features of my living situation over the last year and a half I've lived there.
But still, living at Elsinore involves roommates. My dearest dream at the moment is to live alone, without having other people in my space with their irritating habits. In general, they're not bad; I have no real problem at all with one of them, though the other three tend to get on my nerves. But I really hate having to deal with the habits and mess of other people, and frankly I feel chased out of my own space a lot of the time. I'd really love to have a place that was just to myself. I worry though about the feasibility of finding a place I could afford by myself, and what I'd be sacrificing to have it. Probably wouldn't have space to entertain, which I do love. Would lose the lovely big bedroom. And the convenient proximity to important things would be a pain in the tail. Would I be giving up too many of the things that make me happy just to live by myself? I'm not sure, but it's something I'll have to think about as May comes around.
Still, I don't live well with other people, and when I'm at home I generally prefer to be alone. And I feel like a lot of problems stem from having to deal with other people to handle your problems. Here's an example. When zapf* and witticaster* moved out, one of my other roommates took over handling the household bills. By and large that's worked out, because we're all on the same bill for things like utiltiies, but I have never loved just having to trust someone else to handle my financial matters. But recently we got a big water bill from our landlord that put my monthly expenses up to an unreasonable level. I pointed out to my roommate who handles the bills that I was fairly certain when we first moved in we were told we would not pay for water; that would be encompassed by the rent. Basically he doesn't acknowledge me, just goes ahead with calculating what we all owe. I keep on with it, and finally get him to say he doesn't remember whether or not we ever paid for water before because he wasn't handling the bills back then. I am aghast; was he just handing over money without knowing what it was for? Does he expect me to do the same? So finally I call zapf* and ask him what the deal was; he confirms that at least when the initial group moved in a year and a half ago that was the agreement. I pass this on, and finally my roommate agrees to talk to the landlord about it.
I just couldn't believe my current roommate was so unaware of the situation, and was so hard to get to listen to me about this. Is he cool with just handing over that much extra money? I hate living with people! I just want to have to worry about myself.
Anyway, the one other issue of living at Elsinore is that when the lease for the first year ran out and people moved in and out for the new year, we were never given a new lease. Our landlord isn't exactly a bad landlord, but he doesn't get back to you about anything and everything he does so is on an enormous time delay. But I guess technically none of us are on the lease, due to no fault of our own, and I worry what would happen if we protest this water bill. I'm pretty sure that was the old agreement, but we don't have an agreement right now. Hell, I guess if he wanted to he could tell us to leave right now and we'd have no way to stop him. But that water bill pushes my monthly expenses beyond what I can easily handle, so I don't think I can just leave this be.
So, the one other aspect of my life affecting my life is this. Though not terrible and not without its advantages, is a source of stress, one that I am still trying to figure out how to deal with.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Rooms booked
I just booked Intercon hotel rooms for the merry intrepid congoers from Brandeis. We have only six people so far and room for two more, so if anyone wants to share with us, just let me know.
Just out of curiosity, a dumb question-- when do people typically book their hotel rooms for Intercon? Is around this time early or late? Because I did it in January last time, and I remember somebody remarking that I was cutting it unsually close. People do seem to be talking about it a lot earlier this year, which is what prompted me to take care of it. What is everyone else's experience?
Just out of curiosity, a dumb question-- when do people typically book their hotel rooms for Intercon? Is around this time early or late? Because I did it in January last time, and I remember somebody remarking that I was cutting it unsually close. People do seem to be talking about it a lot earlier this year, which is what prompted me to take care of it. What is everyone else's experience?
Taking stock
Now that I've reached a sort of resting point, I thought I'd take stock of where I am right now and see where things stands.
Health and Body:
Not bad, probably could be feeling better. Just getting over a cold involving hacking and body aches and a general feeling of exhaustion brought on by being so busy. Haven't been eating as well as I should be, as I've mostly just been grabbing things as I go, and I haven't had time for my regular exercise routine in some time. Don't think there have been any weight effects yet, but I'm concerned. Mostly just feel a little bit off.
Relationships:
I love deeply and passionately, and so I am loved in return. Things brings me great joy and all the accompanying responsibilities and complications. :-) Jared and I are doing well, though it isn't always easy to balance how busy we are with spending quality time together. It occurs to me that we have been together for nearly three years now. :-) I have a great deal of good friends whose company I enjoy and look forward to enjoying more of. I fear I may have recently lost a friendship, which I am sad about, but honestly if that's the way it must be I can handle it. I am on good terms with my parents, as I pretty much always have been, though I worry for them for various troubles they're facing. Other significant relationships I manage as best and as honorably as I can.
Work and Finances:
I am currently employed at the educational non-profit Educational Development Center in Newton. It's not my ideal position, but it's nice for my first out-of-college job to be contributing to a worthy cause like improving education rather than something pointless. The pay is decent but I don't get many hours as I am still only part-time. I also have a lot of downtime to work on my own projects, which I confess I enjoy. :-)
Also, for the first time I am truly financially independent of my parents. This is a point of pride for me, since they've always been generous with their support and since I'm really not making much money. Things are a bit tight, and I'm still new to this worrying about money thing, so sometimes the stress really gets to me. I'm still working on figuring out how to keep things within reason without stressing constantly over it. Still, I seem to be managing.
Education:
Not currently attending school but I am considering going to grad school in the near future. Not exactly sure for what, or where, but for something related to English certainly. I just took the GRE and did pretty well, which is quite a load off my mind. I am currently doing research and trying to figure out what it is I want.
Vanity:
Looking pretty good lately, though I have my concerns. I've been making an effort lately to dress stylishly at all times lately, including coordinating my accessories (scarf and gloves, belt and shoes, jewelry, etc) and trying to have lots of nice basics like boots and coats, avoiding anything that looks schlubby. Mentioned I'm afraid my lousy diet may lead to weight gain, but hasn't yet. Really should try to work out again when I'm home for Thanksgiving. Oddly enough, despite the stress and the falling off my acne treatment routine, my skin is clearer than it's been in ages, which pleases me. Maybe that stuff I've been using just isn't good for me. Also, in pretty dire need of getting my hair done since it's gotten so long, but not sure it's in the budget at the moment.
Art and Creative Pursuits:
Feeling pretty fulfilled here. Just had some excellent runs of the games I've written, which made me very proud. Am currently working on The Labor Wars with AE Games and considering which of my own larp writing projects to focus on next. Torn between the Clue idea and trying to develop the Peter Pan idea. Also, I have just cast my one-act play To Think of Nothing, which I will be co-directing for Hold Thy Peace. This is very exciting, and I have all of winter break to prepare for it.
The Verdict:
Things are pretty good right now and I have a lot to be thankful for. There remain certain stressors that I don't want to get into detail about that unfortunately have a tendency to drag me down regardless of how I'm feeling about everything else. But it's good to know that I've got a lot going for me, and that not everything is a struggle.
Health and Body:
Not bad, probably could be feeling better. Just getting over a cold involving hacking and body aches and a general feeling of exhaustion brought on by being so busy. Haven't been eating as well as I should be, as I've mostly just been grabbing things as I go, and I haven't had time for my regular exercise routine in some time. Don't think there have been any weight effects yet, but I'm concerned. Mostly just feel a little bit off.
Relationships:
I love deeply and passionately, and so I am loved in return. Things brings me great joy and all the accompanying responsibilities and complications. :-) Jared and I are doing well, though it isn't always easy to balance how busy we are with spending quality time together. It occurs to me that we have been together for nearly three years now. :-) I have a great deal of good friends whose company I enjoy and look forward to enjoying more of. I fear I may have recently lost a friendship, which I am sad about, but honestly if that's the way it must be I can handle it. I am on good terms with my parents, as I pretty much always have been, though I worry for them for various troubles they're facing. Other significant relationships I manage as best and as honorably as I can.
Work and Finances:
I am currently employed at the educational non-profit Educational Development Center in Newton. It's not my ideal position, but it's nice for my first out-of-college job to be contributing to a worthy cause like improving education rather than something pointless. The pay is decent but I don't get many hours as I am still only part-time. I also have a lot of downtime to work on my own projects, which I confess I enjoy. :-)
Also, for the first time I am truly financially independent of my parents. This is a point of pride for me, since they've always been generous with their support and since I'm really not making much money. Things are a bit tight, and I'm still new to this worrying about money thing, so sometimes the stress really gets to me. I'm still working on figuring out how to keep things within reason without stressing constantly over it. Still, I seem to be managing.
Education:
Not currently attending school but I am considering going to grad school in the near future. Not exactly sure for what, or where, but for something related to English certainly. I just took the GRE and did pretty well, which is quite a load off my mind. I am currently doing research and trying to figure out what it is I want.
Vanity:
Looking pretty good lately, though I have my concerns. I've been making an effort lately to dress stylishly at all times lately, including coordinating my accessories (scarf and gloves, belt and shoes, jewelry, etc) and trying to have lots of nice basics like boots and coats, avoiding anything that looks schlubby. Mentioned I'm afraid my lousy diet may lead to weight gain, but hasn't yet. Really should try to work out again when I'm home for Thanksgiving. Oddly enough, despite the stress and the falling off my acne treatment routine, my skin is clearer than it's been in ages, which pleases me. Maybe that stuff I've been using just isn't good for me. Also, in pretty dire need of getting my hair done since it's gotten so long, but not sure it's in the budget at the moment.
Art and Creative Pursuits:
Feeling pretty fulfilled here. Just had some excellent runs of the games I've written, which made me very proud. Am currently working on The Labor Wars with AE Games and considering which of my own larp writing projects to focus on next. Torn between the Clue idea and trying to develop the Peter Pan idea. Also, I have just cast my one-act play To Think of Nothing, which I will be co-directing for Hold Thy Peace. This is very exciting, and I have all of winter break to prepare for it.
The Verdict:
Things are pretty good right now and I have a lot to be thankful for. There remain certain stressors that I don't want to get into detail about that unfortunately have a tendency to drag me down regardless of how I'm feeling about everything else. But it's good to know that I've got a lot going for me, and that not everything is a struggle.
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